


50 Shades of Moon

by grlgoddess



Category: 50 Shades of Grey - E. L. James, Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, Sharknado (Movies)
Genre: English Dub, F/M, Velociraptors, always have an exit strategy, books r 4 nerds, holy internalised misogyny batman, i dont know what is happening, more tfios references than you would expect, science love, terrible just terrible, unreasonable numbers of things, xoxo you know you love me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-11
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-24 23:00:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 44,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2599685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grlgoddess/pseuds/grlgoddess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>50 Shades but with Molly/Nephlite from Sailor Moon. Written for Nanowrimo 2014. Completely and gloriously unedited.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cathedraloffuck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cathedraloffuck/gifts).



> Written for Nanowrimo 2014 (yes, this year. Right now. I'm posting this as I'm procrastinating on my words for today. Chapter 3, fyi). A friend thought of this idea. I was "qualified" to write it. So I had to write it. I did not enjoy it. Hopefully you will. This has not been edited or revised in any way. Weird spacing may be a result of word wars. I think it adds to the aesthetic.

Molly woke up, annoyed. Her roomate Serena, with her stupid fluffy bunny slippers and stupid lil face so cute had completly flaked. Again.

Serena had planned a huge interview with some bigshot in the city [OF CRYSTALLL TOKYYOOO] [no.] but flaked out at the last minute because of something?? With like her other friends?? Molly and Serena had been BFFs since forever, but not long after they started university, Serena had picked up some new friends (she was like that, always making friends with everyone), but for once, they actually stuck. Most of her friend-making attempts eventually drifted away from her. Not Molly [OR MELVIN OH GOD MELVIN IS JACOBBBB]. Molly had stayed by her side no matter how many times she forgot they had plans to hang out and spent her entire evening at the arcade instead. Nope. Never left her. Molly was too nice for that. It definitely had nothing to do with the sweet apartment Serena's parents had paid for when they found out the ditz had actually managed to get into university. Not at all. Molly was such a good friend. Even on days like today, when she had to pick up Serena's messes. Messes that, bee tee dubs, her shiny new friends were never around to fix. Nope. Just Molly. Dragging herself out of bed early on a saturday morning. Paying gas to drive herself all the way into the city, in the crappy little car that Melvin had given her when his mom didn't want it sitting in the driveway anymore. She didn't feel bad for herself at all. She was just being a good, solid, steadfast friend. The kind Serena obviously needed.

Especially on days like this. Suddenly, at six am, Serena had called Molly up out of the blue. She, apparently, had been up all night "throwing up" and "couldn't make it to the interview" and "couldn't get a hold of anyone else" so Molly had selflessly volunteered [WAIT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FIRST PERSON POV?? &SHRUG] to do the interview for her. What a saint she was. NO What a good friend she was to poor Serena.

Serena had texted her where to find all of her notes for the interview (she was, evidently, well enough to text), and, typical Serena, they weren't exactly where she said they were. So Molly had to hunt around for the information, try to tame her curly red hair, find clothes good enough for an interview with Some Important Guy (she hadn't looked at the notes yet), find where Serena had moved her keys to, and get out the door. She was running late, of course. Serena hadn't given her nearly enough time to get ready and there in time.

 

 

She eventually pulled up in front of the big shiny building where Mr Big Important Business Guy was apparently working and stuff so she took forever to find a place to park. Who puts meetings in places where there are a lot of buldings full of people and not a lot of places to park? Cities, man. Just like so ridiculous. Poor planning, that's what it was. Molly couldn't stand poor planning. She fumed about it as she walked the block and a half to Mr Important Guys office building (she still hadn't looked up his name), her copies of Serena's notes well in hand so proud of her preparation skillz. She knew what she was doing. She walked up to freaking the office building assistant no thats not it. She walked up to the front desk, where a willowy blonde secretary type was waiting.

"Hi," Molly said, "I'm Mooolllyyyy. I'm here for a meeting with a uhh…" she quickly glanced at her notes, "Mr. Maxfeild Stanton"

"Oh," the secretary said. Ugh. She was so blonde. Unbearable. Terrible. Molly wanted to be her. She wanted to stab her. She wanted to become her then stab herself for being her. "I don't have a Molly here. Did you have an appointment?"

"Oh! I'm sowrry, it must be under Serena's name. She got sick and sent me instead."

"I do have a Serena here, but I really I'm really not supposed to just let people up without an appointment. Otherwise, who knows what could happen?"

"I understand," Molly said, though her subconscious scowled at the stupid blonde. "But please, could you make an exception? Serena's my roomate, and this interview was really important to her! If there was anyway she could be here herself she would. She just got sick and must've forgotten to call here to change the appointment. Please please pleaaassee!"

"I, uh… Roommate right?"

Molly nodded enthusiastically [with chagrin. Must have more chagrining]

"Can I see your ID then?"

Molly shuffled her notes all onto the desk, fished through her purse for her wallet, and dug out her driver's license.

"Okay, because this matches the address we have for Serena Lastname [loloops], I'll let you in, but just this once. Please let Ms, Lastname know that all future changes should be made in advance, to avoid this sort of thing."

"Oh I will! Thank you so much!" Molly said, though she doubted Serena would ever figure out no thats not right again she doubted Serena would remember next time. She was such an airhead.

"Your welcome. Mr Stanton's office is on floor 69 [HURRRRR], the elevators are to your right."

"Thank you!" Molly said once more, before dashing off to the elevators, pausing halfway there to run back and grab her notes, blushing atrociously, before taking off back to the elevators.

She used the elevator ride to review her notes. Mr Stanton was involved in the energy business, and had become very rich very fast and at a rather young age (though he was still significantly older than herself). Blah blah rich blach blah something else blah blah he had a family blah blah blah.

When the elevator reached the correct floor, the doors opened to a floor covered in dark marble. Not just the floor, but like everything. Circular columns. Marble. Very shiny. Very dark. Molly advanced to the dark shiny black desk, where a blonde woman who looked very much like the woman downstairs (or maybe Molly just had trouble differentiating between tall thin blonde women. They all looked very much alike. Like Serena and her friend Mina. And they all were terrible and she wanted to stab them).

 

 

She walked forward and the blonde woman greeted her kindly.

"Would you like a glass of water while you wait? Mr. Stanton is running a bit behind today."

"No, thank you," Molly said. _What a bitch_ she thought. Her inner goddess stuck her tongue out. Because reasons.

"Alright then, let me know if you change your mind. You can wait and sit down over there," the woman said, gesturing over to a small alcove with a few comfyish looking black leather chairs.

"Thank you," Molly said, then went to sit down. What a she beast. And to lower herself to being a secretary. Mad Men wasn't real people! [WAKE UP SHEEPLE], a woman could do much better than a secretary these days. Especially if she had any brain in her at all. Molly was very glad she would never put herself in the position of being forced to listen to someone all day long, doing whatever they asked of her without question, obeying their every whim and order. Nope. Not Molly. She wasn't weak like that. What a stupid woman to become a secretary.

She looked a bit closer at the notes, but her heart wasn't really in it. So she looked at the architecture instead. It was all very classy. And kind of ominous. Was that much black really necessary? Even the high ceiling glittered with black. The small circle lights protruding every so often rather frequently over the ceiling did a good job of making it easy to see verything, and she had no visibility troubles with her notes, but it was still ominously dark. Like, there was no what. There was black everywere, and even though it was a very shiny black, very dimensional (her inner subconscionce jumped up and down at her use of the big word), very glittery - it was still black. And she couldn't help but feeel scared? Yes. But also a little - thrilled. It was a very exciting place. Molly wasn't use to excitement.

A door banged open, shattering her thoughts about darkness.

"Fail me again, and I won't be so generous!" a voice thundered. But like a sexy thunder. Like thunder that was caramel and silk and chocolate and also more thunder. Not much lightning in the voice though. But thunder.

"Yes, of course Mr Stanton," a voice replied. This voice was nothing like thunder, and generally unnotable. Like things that got hit by thunder. Just like useless things.

She heard the second, useless voice possesor leave towards the elevators.

"Ms. LASTNAME BAKER ??? [OH MY GOD HOW DON'T I KNOW ANY OF THEIR LAST NAMES??], " the blonde secretary woman called. Her voice was also not thunder. "Mr. Stanton can see you now.

Molly stood up, gathered her notes in the most professional manner she possible could, and walked towards the gleaming black door next to the secretary's desk.

"Mr. MAXWELL STANTON" the placard read "OWNER, PROPRIETOR, CEO, COO, CEE, NEGAVERSE ENERGY CORP. SSL."

She opened the door

 

 

She opened the big heavy door, and a man in shadow was outlined by the giant window that covered a whole wall. She didn't really know what to do so she just took a couple of steps in and let the door close behind her.

"Uhm. Hello. I'm Mmaaawwwlllllyyyyy. I'm here to interview you cause Serena got sick and couldn't?"

"Molly," he said, and she melted. His voice, like before, was thunder. But, like, a nicer thunder. Gentle. Thunder. She didn't know waht to do, so she just melted at his words. Nice thunder. She hadn't realised how much she liked thunder until she heard his voice. His voice that was like thunder. Delicious, delicious, yummy thunder.

"I- uh - yes?"

"It's a pleasure to meet you," he said, and turned from the window, walking towards her. His outline was illuminated in light, and he seemed almost angelic. Magical. [MOOOON]

"I - uh - you too?"

He stepped towards her and shook her hand. His handshake was strong, firm, LIKE THUNDER [LOLNO] and his hand completely engulfed hers. He guided her over to a small seating area, two small couches that matched the chairs she had waited on were sitting opposite each other with a delicate glass table in between them. The table's delicateness managed to fit in with the dark shiny decor, but also worked as a counterbalance to the harsh masculinity of everything else. She took her seat, scattered her notes in front of her on the table, took out her phone and set it to record. He watched her set up with bemusement, as he relaxed in the chair opposite her. There was nothing in the way he was that reflected the way he had vaguely threatened the man who had left earlier. Nothing that would give away the thunderous thunder that his voice could become.

"Okay, so uh, sorry Serena couldn't make it. She's sick [oh my god you don't have to tell literally everyone that]," Molly said, a slight blush creeping into her cheeks.

"That's not a problem at all. I hope she feels well soon." Uggghhhh his vooiiiicceee. Molly had trouble focusing on what he was saying because how he said it was just so nice. And thundery. Thunder.

"Oh she'll be fine. I uh have all her notes here, and questions? If that's alright." He chuckled. His chuckle was like dark thunder. Thundering along a country road. Carefree thunder.

"Ask away, Molly," he said, and she melted again at the sound of her name thundering from his face. Face.

"Alrgiht mr. Stanton."

"Call me Maxwell," he said.

"Alright… Maxwell," she said, and sighed at his name.

 

 

 

 

"So, you gay?" she read off the notes Serena had given her, without even really looking at them, too distracted by his thunderous voice. As soon as she realised what the words that had left her mouth meant when put together in that specific configuration, her face turned redder than her delectably curled hair.

Mr stanton - I er - Maxwell, to his credit, did not yell at her to leave the room [wait, did I write her literally falling in? If not, pretend that happened cuz it totally did. She fell into his arms like a dork, swooned al little, his voice was like thunder as he reassured her that it was alright, and then stuff happened idk], nor did he have any other sort of awkward, embarassed, or cruel or angry response. Instead, he just chuckled. Like thunder. A thunderous chuckle that sounded a bit harsh at first, but she could sense the warmth underneath. The warmth of lightning that matched his thunder.

"Sorry! I

"GOSH MR STANTON I AM SOO SOWWRRRY! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS WHAT SERENA HAD WRITTEN ON THESE CARDS TO ASK YOU OH MY GAWSH."

"NOW NOW MOLLY. WHILE I RARELY GET ASKED SO DIRECTLY, I AM AWARE OF THE RUMOURS AROUND ME," he said, then flicked his long, luxurious hair back over his right shoulder. "I KNOW WHAT SOME PEOPLE SAY, BUT I WANT TO ASSURE YOU, MOLLY, THAT I AM NOT INTO DUDES. [HASHTAG NO HOMO BRO]"

"OH, ALRIGHT. I'M SO SAWWYR MR STANTON."

"MAXWELL," he corrected

"MAXWELL," she sighed

"CARRY ON, THEN."

"RIGHT. UHH…" she made a point, then, of actually looking at the interview questions before saying them out loud. "THE NEXT QUESTION IS, UH, [oh right, and she also had issues setting up the recorder. That happened, ok?] ABOUT YOUR FAMILY? SERENA WANTED TO KNOW HOW COMPETITIVE YOUR FAMILY WAS AND ALSO THAT YOUR ADOPTED. THAT WASN'T A QUESTION, THAT'S JUST A STATEMENT SHE HAS HERE THAT SHE WANTED TO SAY OUTLOUD."

"Ah, well, it is true that I was adopted into my family, yes. But [THE FOUR DUDES OR WHATEVER ARE TOTES LIKE HIS SIBLING. ZOICITE IS ALICE. OTHER ONES MATTER LESS. WAIT?? OKAY, SO LIKE EMMET/KATE IS A THING, SO ONE OF HIS BROTHERS HAS TO BE DARRIEN?? OH MY HEAD HURTS] we are nonetheless very close. We have had our competitive moments, yes, but never negitively. I truly believe that my brothers and I have all spurned each other on to greatness in each of our chosen feilds [OR IS HIS MOM QUEEN BERYL?? WAT ABOUT HIS BRITH MOM? I DONT KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT THIS DUMB SERIES TO MAKE RATIONS DECISIONS]"

"Oh, wow," Molly said. "So how many siblings do you have [OH MY GOD WHY WOULD I ASK THAT I JUST LITERALLY JUST WENT OVER HOW I DON'T KNOW HOW THE EFFFFF IM GONNA DO THAT??? ARE FJKAFJ AKS JFKA J AJK A JAKSJ >:( ]?"

"Shouldn't that be somewhere in your notes?" he asked, his eyes sparkling.

"Well, uh, probably. I was asking for myslef."

"For yoursel, hmm?"

"Yes. I uhhhh… - K, next question.

 

 

So, Mr. Stanfield."

"Maxwell," he corrected again.

"MAAaxwelllll," she said, "ummmm she wants to know like busnissy stuff idk

[THE REST OF THE INTERVIEW IS BORING BUSINESSY STUFF INTERSPERSED WITH SOME WEAK ATTEMPTS AT FLIRTING AND SLASH OR INNUENDO]

"I think that's everything Serena has here," Molly concluded. "So I should probably get going then."

"Yes, I suppose you should. My next meeting was scheduled to start half an hour ago."

"Half an hour! Oh Mr. Stanton! I'm so sorry! You shouldn't've let me keep you!"

"Not at all, it was my pleasure Molly." He said as he helped her pick up her things

[just checked. Supposed to be first person. Soooooo lets try that.]

He said as he helped me pick up my things, and I sort of melted. Golly gee gosh. He was so considerate!

 

 

 

 

 

"Please, Molly, be careful," He said, staring right at me - right through me. My stomach did olympic level flips. I don't what there was to be careful about. . . ? I wasn't planing on tripping through anymore doorways/ Probably. [hashtag yolo]

"Umm, yah okayy. Thanks, mr - uh - Maxwell," his name sounded like honey, thunderous honey, dripping from her mouth. She smiled at him, and he returned it, before she turned to leave - making doubly sure not to fall through the door.

The blonde (ugh) receptionist smiled at her and wished her well as she went back into the elevator on floor 69. The shiny, classy elevator ensconced her and she pondered.

 

Damn he was hot.

 

 


	2. Chapter 1 again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised I skipped some stuff from chapter 1, so I rewrote it a bit.

Mooolllllllllllyy looked in the mirror. It was stupid o clock, and she had to get ready for a big interview. Not anything she had set up, or known about in advance. Nope. Her roomamate Serena had managed to get sick right before the night before she was suppposed to interview some big shot ceo guy. Serena had woken her up at like 5 am, calling her from the bathroom. She was "throwing up" and "too sick to do the interview" and "couldn't get in touch with anyone else" so could Molly "please please please do this one favour for her!" Molly, being an exceptional friend to Serena, had of course agreed to go. Agreed to wake up really early, drive all the way to Seattle (?) (she had asked to take Serena's car, as her own was rather unreliable - being an ancient vw bug - especially compared to Serena's sleek silver Mercades (?)). And she agreed to wake up super early. Thus, she was now found staring at her reflection in the mirror. Big curly red hair, big brown eyes. Not blonde. That was Molly. The complete opposite from Serena. Tragic.

The drive to Seattle (srsly or was it portland? [CRYSTAL TOKYO] [no]) was long. The passenger seat was occupied by the stack of notes Serena had directed her to (or rather, directed her near. Serena's directions were never the best, especially not being yelled out from the bathroom). very sad

When she got to the building,l it was very shiny. Like super shiny. So shiny guys. And like brand new. Brand new and shiny. Way too shiny for her frumpy outfit. Why hadn't serena warned her that it would all be so shiny? And this was just the building! The people inside were bound to be frumpier NOPE the people inside were bound to be even shinier than the building, making her look even more frumpy than she already did. Stupid Serena. [oh my god so bitter].

The interior was, indeed,. Very shiny. And so was the receptionist at the front desk. She was shiny and blonde as molly approached her.

"Hi, I'm Maawwwlllly," she greeted the blonde receptionist.

"Hello Molly, what floor can I direct you to?" she replied.

"I'm here to interview . . . Uhhh . . ." She quickly glanced down to check the notes Serena had given her "A Maxfield [or maxwelll?? Idk] Stanton."

"Oh, yes, for that university newspaper?"

"Uh huh," Molly said. Blushing.

"Excellent, Mr. Stanton is on the 69th floor. The elevators are to your right."

"Thank you," Molly said, and carried on her way. The elevators were hella classy. Like damn son. Super classy elevators. Very nice. Shiny and reflective. Metal and Glass. Noice.

The elevator let her off on the correct floor. 69. [hurrrr]

When the door opened there [back to 1]


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2!!!

The elevator let me off on the main floor. On both the trip up and down the very busy office building, she managed to get a whole elevator to herself and her thoughts. Her thoughts about Maxwell Stanton. [FIRST PERSON YOU IDIOT. I. ME. GAAAWWWDDDD] [actually screw that noise. Cant do it. Better in third. Cuz I can actually write third. TO THE YOLOMOBILEE!!! ——>> <o=o> ]  
She got into the her car wait no she got into Serena's inconviently parked car [broom broom] and drove out of the city. Her thoughts spun, but all around one thing. Maxwell Stanton. Why hadn't Serena told her?? She was always gushing about cute boys, why wouldn't she have told Molly about this impeding cute boy - no - cute man that she would be forced into a room alone with?

Molly got home, and Serena ambushed her (because she apparently wasn't too sick not not do ambushing).  
"How'd it go? Tell me everything!" Ugh. The Serena Tsukino [SOMETHING. WHY IS MOTHING AS CATCHY AS KATHERINE KAVANAGH INQUISITION LIKE DAMN THAT IS A CATCHY OVERREACTION THAT I CANT MATCH]  
"Sereeenah, relax! It went, idk, alright? Why'd you make me ask if he was gay? And all that family stuff? Honestly, it was a lot of weird questions. I was lucky he didn't throw me out!"  
"Oh, pfft. He's probably used to it. Most of those questions were from sample interviews anywayy. What was he like? I bet he's way different than he acts for normal media stuff."  
"I don't think normal media asks what he likes to eat on dates."  
"The public wants to know! Besides, the right answer is some type of small pasta, like penne or macaroni. So what'd he say?"  
"Steak. Very very well tenderized steak."  
"Weird. "  
"I don't know Serena..."  
"And was he as dreamy in person?"  
"I I don't ahh Serena!" Molly said, her blush covering like 90% of her face.  
"Ooohh! You're crushing on him!"  
"I am not! He's just very... Different from the boys I know."  
Serena just smiled and wiggled her eyebrows at Molly.  
"Stahwp it!" Molly protested, "Besides, I'll never see him again ever," she added, tempting fate hardcore.  
"Sure, sure," Serena said, dropping the subject to make off with the interview recording.

 

Molly, however, couldn't drop Maxwell Stanton from her mind. Throughout her shift that day at the hardware store (a job by the way that she was horribly unqualified for, being unable to tell a hammer from a screwdriver).

 

Her bosses were surprised to see her, apparently Serena had called in on her behalf to ask for the day off (she was too sick to track down a journalist student, but she could track down her manager's phone number no problemo), which her managers had granted and no one informed her (typical), so she worked her usual shift of silently stocking shelves and pretending she didn't speak English to any customer that approached her. And her head was abuzz with thoughts of Maxwell and everything she had learned about him today. The total sum of her knowledge filled up about fifteen minutes of work time, so she looped it in her head over and over. She recited every fact about him exactly 16.5 times throughout her shift

 

When she got home, Serena tried to say she "was going to tell you about the shift, but you ran out before I could" and that she "was gonna text you but you don't have a phone that texts? For some reason? ???" And "so Maxwell's totes adorabs huh" but Molly was too exhausted to listen, and went straight to bed.

 

[AWW YISSS MOTHER EFFIN DREAM SEQUENCE]

 

That night, Molly dreamt she was walking down a dark hallway, all around her was darkness, shiny shiny darkness. A thunderous voice echoed from the darkness, surrounding her, enveloping her, entrapping her. The voice said things she couldn't understand. Just thundery things. Thunderous voices rang from the shiny dark halls and she couldn't really focus on any one thing, didn't want to focus on any one thing. The voice and darkness rang in her ears and in her eyes and it was all too much, and so great at the same time. Her energy flew out of her into the darkness. The thunderous voice laughed.

 

Molly woke up, feeling like she hadn't slept at all.

 

Later that week, she decided to call up her mom. Her mom was scatterbrained, always doing crazy things, half the time she couldn't keep track of Molly's name or of which guy she was married to at the time. Moms, amiright?  
"Hi, so who's the guy?" her mom said, immediately cutting to the chase.  
"What guy?"  
"Molly, you literally never call me except when you're on the verge of an emotional crisis.

 

"Oh, mom! That's not true."  
"Honey, I love you, but you can be a bit scatterbrained."  
"I just wanted to know how you and Joe are doing!"  
"I dated Joe for a week when you were 8. I've been married to Jim since you were 14. And we're doing fine, as is the jewelry shop that's funded your tuition. Who's the boy?"  
"There's no boy! Honestly mom!"  
"Mhmm. Sure Molly. Just make sure he treats you nice, and don't jump into anything before you're ready."  
"yeah, yeah. Bye mom!"  
So she was basically the same. A boy! As if Molly would fall for a boy! But talking about her mom's love life made her remember Bob. Bob was her mom's boyfriend for like a year and a half when Molly was 3. He remained Molly's favourite of all her mother's paramours, and she liked to go to him for advice and stuff and always invited her to her big life events, and he always came (mainly, because there was always some sort of free food involved. The man would sit through a lot of elementary school plays for the promise of a free donut). She decided to give him a call too. He was always much more sensible than her flighty mother.  
"Hi bob!" She said as soon as he picked up on the other end.  
"Hello? Uh who?"  
"It's Mooolly!" she said.  
"Mol-ly...? Oh. Right."  
"I just decided to give you a call! I just got off the phone with mom, she's the same as ever with her silly plans. She said she was gonna open a jewelry store!"  
Bob grunted in acknowledgement.  
"Anyhow, I'm looking forward to seeing you at my graduation! Don't forget to dress nice!"  
Bob grunted questioningly.  
"Of course there'll be a little something to eat! And free champagne!"  
Bob grunted happily.  
"I'm really looking forward to seeing you there! I miss you. Serena's been extra odd lately, and I really can't wait to be out of school, a real adult!"  
Bob grunted in boredom.  
"I guess I'll let you go! See you soon!"  
Bob grunted in farewell, and hung up.

 

Molly always felt better after a nice conversation with Bob. Even though it had been years since he was with her mom, she still felt a connection to him. He was her favourite step dad. [oh my god so much happens in each chapter like dang son]  
That night, Serena had decided it was a good night for her, Molly, and their friend Melvin to catch up. They were super tight in high school, and tried to stay close these past four years of university. Melvin had harboured a crush on both of them at one time or another, and right now he was going through a Molly phase. It was not returned. Ever. By anyone. Melvin was kind of odd, the kind of odd that was tolerable in a friend that you had begun to drift away from, but definitely not the kind of odd you wanted to get any closer to.  
The three spent the night watching movies and stuff (Serena and Molly claimed the couch, shunting Melvin over to the armchair. They weren't risking anything, not after the last time they let him sit next to them in the dark). Melvin invited them to join him at his photography exhibit later that month (?) [idk it's at some point. Who knows what the timeline of all this mess is? Like a week? I think most of this book is just one week] and they totally accepted because free food and booze maybe.  
Melvin tried to hit on Molly as he was leaving and Serena was in the kitchen. She, easily, played it off as if he were just joking, as she so often did. She knew she could have a nice time with Melvin. Maybe. He had money, material comforts, and she could probably have a successful marriage where he traveled a lot and the most they did was occasionally hold hands. But that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted billowing dresses, shining jewels, a powerful scepter, a gentle bemasked man and a pink haired - wait no, why would she want that? Nah, she just wanted more than what Melvin could give. More than what most actual people could give (impossibilities are born from vague desires after all)

 

Except maybe maxwell.

Molly's Saturdays were often spent at work int he hardware store. She quickly got into the rhythm of stocking items, matching them based on colour and shape as best she could, while her thoughts returned to Maxwell Stanton. Over and over again. She had memorised the interview better than the recorder possible could have. As her thoughts consumed her, she noticed a customer approach. Before she could say her usual "no hablas anglaiz, go-rero overo thereo", a thunderous, almost familiar, voice broke into her thoughts.  
"Why hello Miss Baker," the voice said, and she panicked. Maxwell Stanton. Was here. In her store. And knew her last name? Had she told him that? Was that something that the google could find?  
"Mr - Mr Stanton! What are you doing here?"  
"Oh, I was just in the neighbourhood, thought I'd pick up a few things. Will you help me?"  
"I - oh golly, sure!" she said, using all her inner strength to avoid bouncing on the spot. Her inner goddess just discovered a hula hoop.

"Excellent."  
"What do you need first?"  
"I need… rope. Heavey duty. Extra strength. Rope. That could hold down a struggling elephanet."  
Rope! That was a thing Molly knew. She put some away just the other day! To aisle 8! She led him to the correct aisle, and the proper section. There were white ropes and black ropes and blue ropes and multi-coloured ropes. Some were thin, some were thick. Some had many loops, some had not so many. There were several different patterns that the ropes were woven into. Some were triangly. Some were diamondy. Some looked soft, some didn't. Some looked bendy, others didn't. Some were hanging on blue cardboard things, some red, some black, some orange. Some took up like three rack hights, others were less than one. Some looked like they were about to fall apart, others looked like they'd last into her next lifetime.  
She had no clue what would hold down a struggling elephant.

Luckily, Maxwell [OR MAXFIELD? APPARANTLY BOTH. APPARANTLY I NEED TO GET ANOTHER HUNDRED WORDS IN BEFORE I JUST WATCH SMA ALL NIGHT] knew just what he was looking for. He gravitated to the longer, thicker ropes [uggghhhh], tenderly stroking each one, feeling it's wieght, it's tension. He gripped each one in turn, before carefully selecting one and placing it ever so gently in his cart. It's dark navy set off his deep reddish hair. Molly swooned.  
"Next, I need some zip ties."  
Molly had no clue what those were.  
"Zip… ties?"  
"Yes. They're often used these days in place of … handcuffs," he said, dramatically and thunderously, "But are also good for pulling cables together. Securing … things."  
Something clicked in Molly's brain. Cables. Yes. Serena's computer desk had lots of cables, and little white things wrapped around them in places. She knew what zip ties were! Now, where had she seen them in the store? She must have put some away at some point. They came in … longish plastic bags? Sealed with folded cardboard stapled on top? Yeah! That was them! Aisle 3!

 

She led him down the aise to the spot where the zip ties were, and he surveyed them in much the same way he had with the ropes, only this time there were way less differences between all the types of zip ties. Some were, longer, some were shorter, some were thick, some were thin, some had like 5 in a pack, some had like two hundred. Still, Maxwell spent just as long looking at these as he had looking at the ropes. He looked at the weight, the length, he weighed each in his hand and also put each one in his hand and he checked all the writing on the back of each package before finally settling on the biggest pack of the longest, thickest, biggest zip ties.  
"Very good," he said, "Thank you for all your help molly." She blushed. She never ever blushed before in her life, but right there when he said her name in his thunderous voice, she had to blush. Even her inner goddess tripped over her hula hoop.  
"N, Not a problem, Maxwell," she said.  
"If there's anything, anything I could do for you, just let me know," he said, and leaned in towards her whole body area. She blushed. Then she racked her brain, panicking, trying oh so hard to think of something that she could reasonably ask of him to ensure that he would see her again, anything to get him to think of his waaaaiiitt. Anything to get him to say her name again in that thunderous voice. And then she lit on the perfect idea!  
"Actually, Maxwell. I think Serena was trying to find a picture of you for her article, and was having a terrible luck finding anything suitable. Would you - uh - maybe want to let her get some pictures taken?"  
"Of course, Molly, of course. Here's my cell phone number." He handed her a mettalic printed business card. Maxwell Stanton, Negaverse Energy, Personal Accounts - 4382784329 [NAILED IT!!!]. She almost fainted. Before she realised she had no idea how to use a cell phone. Technology, amirite?  
Before she could properly swoon, Some Dude came up to them.  
"Oh hey Molly!"  
"Hi Some Dude!" Some Dude used to work at the hardware store, and was kinda bros with everyone. He was a good, basic, dudebro friend, and really nice to everyone, even when he was wasted or showed up to work hungover. What a good dude that Some Dude was.  
"How's it been Molly? Haven't seen you in a while! We should def hang out some time, there's this kegger at mah frat and you should def come. Bring your rommate chick too! She's always hilar!"  
"Oh, I'll think about it! Thanks, Some Dude!"  
"No prob Molly. See ya around." He said, then left. Maxwell seemed different aftrer this exchange, for some reason. Almost like black energy was radiating off of him. But that was ridiculous, right?  
"I have to leave," Maxwell announced. "I shall pay for my items, then leave. Leaving."  
"Oh1" Molly said, taken aback, "Uh, sure, yeah." She led him to the till. Even though he barely said two words to her, he also somehow managed to make sure she rang him through, despite her not being trained on till and having to boot some guy out of the way because there was no till open and he also cut in the huge line that was formed. No one said anything though.

 

"Uh, thta'll be like $86. 32?" yeha, that sounded about right.  
He produced a credit card, she stared blankly at it for a second, then he reached over and swiped it himself. The reciept printed out reading "$863.20 ahve a nice day!" He took it.  
"Molly," he said, and his thunder had turned to angery thunder. He left before she could say anything to him, leaving her standing dumbfounded at the till, until the guy who's till it was returned to force her out. She returned to her stocking with just one thought on her mind.

"Damn, I so would."


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 

When she got enough of her senses together, she took her break and went to the breakroom pay phone to call Serena collect. [wow. This is almost getting too dumb]

"Hi Molly!" Serena greeted.

"Hi Serena. Maxwell Stanton just came by my store!"

"What? Why would he do that? He lives in Seattle [? Portland maybe? The moon? Tokyo? Idk]"

"He didn't say. He just needed to pick up some things. And he agreed to a photo shoot for your article!"

"Wow Molly that's great! Did you also get a photographer for the shoot? A location? A day and time that works for everyone?"

"Uh, no. He gave me his cell phone number?"

"Oh good! So we can sort that stuff out later. Did he ask you out?"

"What! Sereeennnaa, don't be silly!"

"Mollllyy, he totally likes you! And he's cute! And rich!"

"No, he just wants your article to be good! And just happened to need stuff from my hardware store! That's all!"

"Yah, uh huh, whatever. You think Melvin'll do the photo shoot?"

"Oh, I'll ask him!"

"K, great! Talk to you later!" Serena said, then hung up.

MOlly then called Melvin.

"Hey Melvin, I have a job for you!"

"OH sure Molly, whatever you want!"

"You can take the pictures of Maxwell Stanton for Serena's article!"

"Don't be ridiculous Molly! I don't take piactures of people! Plant and animal life are my expertise!"

"Well, think of him as a hairless monkey! IDC dude just do it. Do it or we won't go to your photography show or whatever."

"Oh alright, Molly. Whatever you want! Let me know when you have a date and location."

"Will do! Thanks so much Melvin, you're a sweetheart!"

 

Her break had run over and taken up pretty much all that was left of her shift, so she just went home early. Serena was waiting there for her.

"Did Melvin agree to do the photo shoot? I remembered after that he has this thing where he doesn't take pictures of people really and was trying to think of who else we know who coul ddo it."

"Oh yeah, he was fine! No problem!"

"Great! So you should totally call Maxwell and set up a date and place for this thing!" Serena said, and forced the apartment's cordless phone on her.

 

 

"What? Sereeennnaa annooooooo!"

Serena just dialed the number and shoved the phone in her face.

"Ahhhhh!!"

 

{But before she could call Melvin, in came Some Dude.

"Oh, Some Dude! Hi!"

"Hey Molly, I uh actually wasn't sayin all I wanted to say earlier."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Uh wait, first, what was the deal with that dude earlier? He seemed .. . Intense."

"Oh, Yeah. That's Maxwell STanton, I interviewede him for Serena's newspaper thing. He was just picking up some things."

"Oh, so you're not like dating or anything?"

"What? No! No no no," Molly said, blushing.

"Oh, okay, cool. Cool cool cool. So I was like wondering, did ya wanna go out sometime? For like food? Somewhere nice?"

"Like a date?"

"Yeah! A date! Do you wanna?"

MOlly panicked a little. And then blushed. Some Dude was cute, but he was also just some dude to her. Nothing more. And she didn't want more.

"Uh, thanks? But uh no. I'm not really in a uh place? For that? Stuff? Right now?"

"Oh, aright. I get it. No worries bruh."

"But thanks!"

"Yeah, sure. That invite to the kegger still stands though. See ya around." He said, then walked away, a lil dejected. Why would Some Dude want to date Molly? How incredibly strange. What a strange day. Oh well, she had to get Melvin to take those pictures}

 

"Heloo, Maxwell Stanton," he answered, his voice like thunder.

"Oh, Hi Maxwell! It's uh Molly? Molly Baker?"

"Molly, what can I do for you?" he said, and his thunderoud voice seemed illuminated by sunshine. She blushed.

"Well, I got a photographer for the photo shoot, our friend Melvin. When would be a uh good time for you?"

"Well, Molly, how about Thursday? [lol idk what day it is or like how long its been yoolllooo] I have a room in FANCY HOTEL PLACE that we could use."

"Oh, that'd be perfect!" Molly said, Serena's face all up in her face, egging her on. "How about 2 o clock? So we have time to get to the city?"

"2 o clock sounds lovely. I'll see you then, Molly," her name in his voice made her all wibbly again.

"Y-yes Mazwell" she said, and then they both hang up.

Serena let out an ear piercing squeal.

"Oh my god Molly! You really like him!"

"No I don't serena! You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Oh honey, I saw you talking to him just then. You're so cuuutteee!!"

" >:( " Molly said, and frowned. "I'm going to bed. Good night Serena!"

"Good night Molly!" Serena said, though it sounded more like "Good night molly and have fun dreaming about this totally cute guy that you're totally head over heels for!!"

 

 

That night, Molly dreamed again. This was unusual, as Molly usually didn't dream. Didn't have the brain space for it. So she was surprised to dream, or she would be if she was awake to feel emotions. It was similar to her last dream. Darkness, energy swirling all around her. More darkness. A hallway. A dark hallway. Her, in the dark hallway, surrounded by energy swirling. Though she had no energy of her own. Dark hallway. Energy. And then, the thunderous voice came back. Echoing, thundering, around her. Voice. Energy. Darkness. Something tied them all together, but Molly couldn't figure out what it was. Something.

And then she woke up.

The next day was Thursday I guess cuz why not. Serena and Molly and Melvin and maybe someone else idk. For some reason they took two cars? Idk why you couldn't fit four people and a camera into one car but whatever. They took Serena and Molly's cars and drove to hotel place in the city where Maxwell Stanton was. They spent an annoying amount of time setting up in the hotel room, and even longer just gawking at the opulent, extravagent but like minimalist and understated decor. Yes. It was both things. Opposites at once. Which is totes common in fancy hotel decor. Totes.

 

Cool, so tehn Maxwell Stanton walked in, all Beyoncelike with his personal invisible wind machine. (hashtag flawless) Of course, only Molly really saw the effects of the wind machine. But the whole universe could see his blinding Blue Steel. Dude was runway ready. Even had a bodyguard dude at his side. Daaamn. You know he a big deal when he brings his own bodyguard to a photoshoot with some college kids hes never met. That's totally a thing big ceo's do. Arrange for photoshoots the next day, preempting whatever else they had going on, to help a uni girl get a B+ on an assignment. But WHAT DO I KNOW? I ain't never been a bigwig CEO (and, obviously, neither has E L James. Or, should I say, ICEQUEENSNOWDRAGON or whatever YEAH THATS RIGHT I KNOW UR LJ!!!)

Ahem.

So. Introductions happened. Stanton was all "charmed, I'm sure", Molly was all "teehee im pretty", and Serena was all "cute boy alert! But also bad vibes mebbe? CUTE BOYYYYY!" Melvin was a total dork, and kept like almost bowing to Stanton and kept liek tripping and being dumb. STEREOTYPICAL NERD STUFF. He took the pics but kept like bitching to Serena and Molly that its a people and he doesnt take pics of ppl?? Guys don't you remember the last time?? With the restraining order??? This is a bad idea???? but ur pretty so ok.

Maxwell looked hella bangin and only a lil bit gay in all the pics. Molly, however, did not even notice the dash of gay. She only noticed the hella bangin. Likewise, it seemed, Maxwell saw the hella bangin in Molly. While everyone else was putting the equipment away, Molly was sitting in one of the fancy but also not fancy chairs [SCHRODINGERS DECOR OH MY GOOODDDDD] and Maxwell came up to her. Bodyguard dude was an appropriate step behind and slightly to the right.

"Molly," he thundered.

"Maxwell," she gasped, and blushed.

"Walk with me," he commanded thunderously, and so she did. They stood and walked together. Together, they walked. They stood near each other, not touching, but close, and together they walked. They walked together around the room. Just like circling it. Walking. Basically silent. They let the noise of the others putting away their equipment wash over them as they walked together. How much equipment did a poor university student possess that they could bring on less than a days notice? Who knows! Do photographers even use the same equipment for animals and scenery that they would use for people? Doubtful! Ah, the magic of fiction!

So they were walking together around the room for a while before Maxwell spoke thunderously again.

"Molly," he thundered.

"Yes?" she gasped. [thats how she talks now. Gasping. Poor thing sounds like she has a respitory disease.]

"Would . . . You . . . Like . . . To . . . Go . . . For . . . Coffee? With me?" He thundered. Confident, but, hesitant.

 

Molly freaked right the hell out like oh hot damn. Just broke her brain right in half. Her subconscious was actually being subconscious rather than yelling at her and her inner goddess was just staring all slack jawed in shock. [lol idk when her subconscious and inner goddess actually turn up but im pretty sure it happens like with zero fanfare or explantion, not near enough to the beginning to be just like an aceppted fact of this universe, but like far enough in that it's probably connected to a mental schism of some sort]

When Molly collected her thoughts enough to like speak or something, she just nodded. And blushed. She blushed so dang hard gurl looked like she was goin supernova!! [burrrrrnnnnn just like her faaaacceeee ahhaha]

"K, guys," she announced, "I'm gonna peace out to hang with this guy —> soooo yeah."

"But we took your car for all the equipment??? Cuz a cheap camera and maybe a collapsable lightstand or two couldn't feasably fit in the trunk of a car???? Or squished on top of people????? University students totally aren't used to squeezing together in cars for long periods of time?????? Right guys???????? Right???????????????" Melvin said.

"Shut up Melvin," said any one of them, really. Does it matter? It was said and so he did shut the hell up. Yolo.

Everyone got confused because of the car situation?

"You can take my car, Molly!" Serena offered. But that was dumb because Molly could just take her own car, and Serena's far nicer car could take everyone and their LIKELY MINIMAL EQUIPMENT back to that place where they lived [still not sure what city this is???].

"The equipment!" Melvin whined.

Stanton just nodded, almost imperceptibly, at his bodyguard dude.

"I will assist your travel home," the bodyguard spoke [no lie this dude was my fave character in 50 shades. Dude put up with a lot of bs from working for that guy. A lot of bs. And he was a goddamn saint about it. Bless.] "Mr Stanton's vehicle can effectively and safely contain all of your equipment." [OOHHH WHY DON'T I UPGRADE HIM????? HE CAN BE DARIEN AND BE CUUUTTTEEEE but nah. That's no good. Dude has to put up with too much crap and I'm pretty sure Darien would get the hell out of that shitty job situation and if he saw what a shitbag Grey was he'd refocus all his efforts on getting Ana the hell away from him. This would not be effective for the continuation of this story.]

"Great!" Serena said, "Here's my keys, Molly!" she handed over her keys and recieved Molly's in return.

"That's not . . . that doesn't help…." Bodyguard dude muttered as he face palmed. But Serena seemed so happy to help resolve the matter that no one really could say anything to her baout how useless it was.

 

 

They all went down to their cars together, under the pretense of helping with the equipment. Thought it was really just all Melvin, and maybe another dude? Did they brign someone else along? Idk. Bodyguard helped too cuz he's just a swell dude. When they were "helping" Melvin put the junk in the trunk [niiiice], Serena pulled Molly aside.

"Molly, are you sure you want to do this?"

"Do what Srrena?"

"Go alone with him?"

"Of course serena! Don't be silly!"

"I'm not, Molly! I just - I just am getting a really bad feeling about this guy, okay?"

"You literlly told me to hit that like just last night."

"I know, I know, but . . . Can't you sense it Molly? Something's not right about him . . . . Something dark . . . Something energy . . ."

"Oh Serena! You're so funny!" Molly laughed, and blushed, cuz she hasn't done that in a while. "Such a joker, Serena!" she said, and wandered off towards Maxwell.

"Something's not right…" Serena said to herself, and resolved to dig into this. A university paper hadn't given her nearly enough knowledge about this guy, but she knew someone who could get more . . . [SPOILERS: THAT SOMEONE IS A CAT. OR AMY. PROBABLY A CAT THO, LET'S BE REAL. LES BE HONEST.]

After Serena was done talking. Melvin was glaring at her. Or was he glaring at Maxwell? Was Melvin . . . jealous? Or was he just annoyed that she had broke one of his lenses earlier? The world may never know. Molly just shrugged it off. Yolo, right? Her inner goddess held up a neon sign flashing "#YOLO #BLESSED #YOU DO YOU GURL" and she decided to listen to the fabricated flashing neon sign in her head being held by a fraction of her psyche that didn't have the balls to become a full horcrux. She bounced off to see Maxwell.

They walked together again. Together, they walked down the block. They crossed the street together. At one point, Molly couldn't recall exactly when (*cough* seven eights of the way down the second block, right in front of a little butchers shop, the smell of freshly cut flesh fragrant in the air… she'll always remember that place and time. A small child had just tripped on the sidewalk and she had sucessfully held in a laugh. Well done, Molly, she thought, and she thought of this as her reward from the universe [AND THE MASTER OF IT HEYOOOOO] *cough*), Maxwell's hand reached out and grabbed hers.

 

She blushed. Her inner goddess fainted. Her inner subconscious also reacted. And so, she reacted. But didn't say anything. Becasue why not. Man idk . I d even k. So then they finished walking to the coffe shop which was where they were going to.

So they went to get coffe.

"What coffe do you want?" asked Maxwell

"I would like tea" said molly

"Tea is not a coffe"

"Im a rebel hashtag yolo," said Molly

"Respect" said Maxwell, and they pounded fists cuz bro.

Molly went to grab a seat, while maxwell got their drinks. Then when he got their drinks, he went and sat next to her or across from her idk whatever ends up being more convenient. Their hands brushed when he handed her her drink and she blushed.

"So, you gay?" he asked

" ??? " Said molly

"Lol jk. But seriously, what's the deal with Some Dude?"

"Like nothing. He's a good bro."

"Okay. You datin Melvin?"

"Ew, have you seen Melvin?"

"Fair point."

"So are you datin anyone?"

"Umm no."

"K. ASL?"

"Umm, like twenty something, a chick, and like sitting across from you dude."

"Aw yah. Cool cool."

And then he asked her more questions, she was a dork and thought of herself as a dork and was all damn now this hottie's never gonna bang me. She thought these sad thoughts as he threw out their cups (they weren't disposable cups, he just threw them out).

Again, they were walking. They walked, retracing their path back to the hotel. They did not hold hands this time. They walked. In silence. Walking down.

 

 

 

They walked and walked down the street until they approached a crossroad. The road crossed theirs and it was the last one before the hotel. This is happening. The sign said walk. It was a one way. It said it was safe to cross, and so they began to cross. And they crossed the road.

It was completely uneventful.

Once they were safely across the road. OH MY GOD what ARE THE ODDS that OUT OF NOWHERE a toddler on a fisher price tricycle CAREENED around the CORNER and ran RIGHT OVER MOLLY'S FOOT! :O :O :O OH Y GOD WHAT A TERRIBLE TRAGEDY. MOLLY YELPED IN PAIN AND LEAPT BACKWARDS RIGHT INTO MAXWELL'S WAITING ARMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my swoon. They stared into each others eyes - staring. Just like looking, right into each other's seeing orbs. Hella romantic. After being hit by a tricycle. Where were the kids parents? Damned if I know. Just a rogue child on a tricycle right here in the glorious city of CITY NAME REDACTED. Molly blushed. He was looking right at her you guis. Right in her face. He had totes just SAVED HER LIFE. Saved her life right from A TRICYCLE this is a totally comprable moment to Bella almost being killed by Tyler's van [hashtag team tylers van] [ hashtag team charlie is also acceptable] and realising that Edward was something unnatural and not normal. These events are totally comperable in terms of scale and weight and should be taken as such. Very important scene right here. VERY IMPORTANT. Cuz it was important in twilight and it is important here. There is seven minutes left in this word war and I dont want to go to the next chapter before its over slash mid word war so this is happening. A TRICYCLE. HURT MOLLY'S FOOT. SRS. SRS. SRS STUFF. HE SAVED HER. FROM A TRICYCLE. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN FROM A TRICYCLE, INJURY-WISE? NOT MUCH I'M BETTIN. SOOOO ROMANTTICCCC.

OH MY GOD so they're like staring at each other rihgt?? Cuz he like saved her?? From a completely inocuous event? So his hair is all shiny and wavy in the wind and the background got all gaussian blur and pink with a bunch of white sparkles and like maybe some flower petals too? Yeah sure there's flower petals. From where? This is a very urban enviroment with like giant glass and steel buildings everywhere but the moment demanded flower petals and SETTING BE DAMNED THE LAWS OF ANIME DEMAND FLOWER PETALS AND FLOWER PETALS THE SCENE SHALL HAVE.

"OOHHH MAXWELL!" MOLLY SWOONED. MAXWELL JUST GLARED A LITTLE, BUT DID NOT RELEASE HER. SPARKLES.

"YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM ME." HE SAID

"BUT MAXWELL, WHYYY?" SHE PROTESTED.

"YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR ENERGY AWAY FROM THE NEGAVERSE."

"WHAAAT?" MOLLY SAID, AND HEADTILTED.

"I'M NO GOOD FOR YOU DOLL" HE said, channelling the 50s. He finally released her, and strode decidedly away.

Molly stood behind, dazed. Oh hot damn, she thought, I wanna make out with that face.


	5. Chapter 4

After that whole disaster, where Maxwell did not make out with Molly's face, not even once, Molly was pretty convinced she'd never ever see him again. Life would go back to boring normal, playing second string to Serena's blonde star player. Serena had decided that after finals, everyone would need a break! A party break! They would party like it was 1999! Well, more like 1899 for Molly, who had less tech experince than college grads of 1999 did, and she didn't drink which was reasonable for her partying like it's 1899 cuz she wasn't even born then and therefore underage. And underage drinking is wrong [THE MORE YOU KNOW ===<^>] [THAT'S A STAR!].

Everything was going to plan. They both looked like hella fabulous, when, ALL OF A SUDDEN, the door bell rang! Like whaaattt!!! It was a fedex guy maybe! Molly signed for the thing and then opened the thing. OH WOW LOOK AT THAT THING. It was ummm books? Sure. Books. Wow. Much books. Very read. BUT DON'T READ THESE BOOKS. These books were like hella old books. Like super hella old. Like, there's no way anyone should've let Molly handle these books. The fingerprinty thing alone! Wear gloves! Old books!! What sort of english major are you oh mY GOOODDDD.

But does Molly worry about the future well being of these books? No. No she does not. She's too busy worrying about whhyy would Maxwell Stanton be sending lowly lil her a giant stack of books! A more important question would be WHICH OF HIS LIKELY MANY BLACK MARKET CONTACTS WERE USED FOR THIS TRANSACTION?? WAS IT YOUR BODYGUARD SLASH CHAUFFEUR THAT I HAVE YET TO NAME??? IT PROBABLY WAS. YOU PROBABLY SENT THE POOR GUY OUT WITHOUT A GUN OR ANYTHING OR MADE HIM BRING HIS OWN GUN AND NOT EVEN OFFER HIM A COMPANY GUN OR GIVE HIM A DISCOUNTED RATE ON BULLETS OR ANYTHING. GOD. FIRST YOU SEND HIM TO THE BLACK MARKET (which is totes an actual market. A market filled with bad guys in leather jackets. AND YOU SEND HIM INTO THAT MARKET WITHOUT A GUN? AND FOR WHAT! SOME BOOKS!! FOR A GIRL YOU MET LIKE TWO DAYS AGO?!?!?!!?!?!?!? STOP. STOP. STOP. LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES. FOR CHRISTS SAKE THIS IS ROMEO AND JULIET ALL OVER AGAIN. YOU ALL ARE STUPID AND SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE. HARD. DIE HARD. IS A MOVIE.

 

Alright, so Molly is all "what the hell? Why such big old books? He did not kiss my face??? What do?" and Serena is all "NO MORE SCHOOL NO MORE BOOKS NO MORE TEACHER'S DIRTY LOOKS WOOOO SPRING BREAK BUT FOREVER LETS GET WHITE GIRL WAAASTEDD!!!"

 

 

 

So Serena drags Molly's mopey ass to the bar and they meet up with Melvin and Serena's new friends. Well, new for Molly. They've been Serena's friends since she met them all during first year of university. Molly can't tell them apart though. They've just become "Serena's new friends" in her brain cuz that's all that'll fit in there. Everyone greets Molly warmly, but she's too distracted by whatever game Maxwell's playing with her. What are the rules? More importantly, whose cards can she look off of??

She's so distracted that Serena sucessfully hands her some shots, and Molly just pounds them back like a pro. She's liek 8 shots in before she wanders off from the group, phone in hand. Recipe for goddamn disaster right there. She finds a quiet hallway somewhere or something?? And dials Maxwell's number. Memorising that completely erased any other knowledge of math in her brain.

"Molly?" he answered.

"Whasssa aaheellss uppp wifff a boooksss? Booooohhhkkz??" she said.

"Where are you?"

"Fuggsddfiinngg at the fakfjsoiing bar. Wahhsfssupp? Whyyyyy boohks?"

"Which bar? Nevermind. I'll always know where you are."

"BOOOOHHHHKKKKCCCCCZZSSZZZZZ??????" she yelled, then dropped her phone, ending the call. By the time she finds her phone and is halfway back to the party, the phone rings. She fumbles it open.

"Hierrooooo???"

"Stay there," the voice thundered, "I'm coming for you." And then he hung up. Molly looked at her phone confusedly? Then felt like throwing up. Rather than going to the bathroom down the hall, she decided to go outside. Fresh or different air was always being used to cure things in the old books she was supposed to read for class. Hey, why didn't people just do that for like aids and stuff? Just ship people with ebola off to the mediterranean and they'd be fiiinne. Science.

So she found somewhere outside and sat down. It may have been the middle of a parking lot. Hard to tell.

"Are you ok?" Melvin asked, peering all up in her face.

"Wharrt? yaaaa" Molly said, "Whrerered you get frooom?"

"I - I came with you out here?" Melvin said, leaning back to better examine her. "I said you should probably come outside? Cuz you looked sick? Right? Molly?"

"Ohrraaaiiiiitteee," molly said, remembering none of that, but workin real hard to fake it.

Melvin leaned into her face again. Like real close. Really all up in her business.

"Uhh waaaa??" molly said and leanned back.

"Uh, wanna uhm make . Out?" Melvin asked, as if he wasn't quite sure what was happening, but had previously thought he knew what was supposed to happen in a situation like this.

"Nooooooo. Nooooooo. No no. Nope." Molly said.

"Uhm, but - "

Melvin's argument was cut off by him suddenly being flung backward, his body bouncing off of a mid sized suv.

"Huhh whuuuuhh?" Molly said. She looked up and saw PURE THUNDER. She promptly turned her back on the thunder and threw up. Thunder held her hair back. [ # NOT ALL THUNDER ]

 

 

She saw Melvin out of the corner of her eye slinking back to the bar. Or was he limping? Nah, probably slinking. Melvin did love his slinking. So she finished puking. [oh damn I gotta figure out the whole darien thing now dont I noooooo] [team rockets rockin talking trouble poke trouble double trouble big trouble capture pikachu LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAIIIINNN some songs you just cant write to ok? Shh no judgy.]

Her puking ended, so he stopped holding her hair back.

"Dude," he thundered, "How much did you freaking drink?"

"Iunnnooo shootttts?" she slurred because puking doesn't make you un-drunk.

"Yeah that sounds about right. Let's get you home, Molly," he thundered her name and she wobbled, but not becasue of the booze.

"I ah kaayyy" she demured drunkly, dat ditz.

"Maybe soem water first," he said and helped her stand up.

 

His hands were on her body. Hot. She felt like she was on fire and that was definetly because of him and not at all to do with that last shot of whiskey. He was supporting her completely. Such a gentleman.

 

Wow. Such romance all up in here as he walks her drunk ass back to the bar. They walk to the bar and then go in the bar. No questions asked. Which is totally normal. At every bar I've ever been at it's been no questions reentry. Just walk on in. It's cool. Not like there's a cover charge, or anyone checking IDs or anything. They walk in. Maxwell swans right on up to the bar and gets a glass of water for Molly. Again, super easy. No wait or anything. And I'm sure the bartender was super happy with this guy cutting to the front of the line to order a free water and not leave a tip or anything. [Uggh Christian grey is toootally the type to skimp on tips. AND THE TYPE TO SEND HIS BODYGUARD OR CHAUFEER OR PERSONAL SHOPPER( ?? WHAT IS HIS JOB DESCRIPTION ANYWAY??) TO GO TO A BLACK MARKET WITHOUT A GUN OR BACK UP OR ANYTHINGGGG] When he was doing this he just like left Molly? By a wall or something? Yeah, she'll be fine there. It's not like she's a disaster of a human being sober, or was already almost molested once this evening or anything. She's totally fine just by a wall.

Molly, left by a wall, managed to migrate to a table on the opposite side of the bar by the time Maxwell got his super quick super cheap water. Maxwell found her. [NEVERMIND I'LL FIIIINNNDDD SOMEONE LIKE YOOOUUUUUUUU] No problem.

"What the what?" Maxwell muttered thunderously as he looked out on the dancefloor.

"Huh what the what what now?" Molly asked, trying to see what had agitated Maxwell, but not really being able to differntiate between all the people and lights [woo poor writing! Is Molly unable to tel the difference between a person and a beam of light? Or is it just the confusion of everything that is making it difficult for her to discern anything? WE MAY NEVER KNOW!]

"My - ah - brother [ya ok] seems to have - found - your friend Serena."

Serena. That was a people that Molly could recognise. She scanned the [NO NO I CAN'T NOOO OMG I CANT im gonna] room and finally saw her friend, hair spinning around her, and a man spinning around her. The man was tall, dark haired, and entirely focused on Serena, as she was on him. It was obvious to anyone that looked at them that the rest of the room didn't exist. Also he was wearing a mask.

 

 

[told ya i was gonna do it]

 

 

"That's . . . Odd." Maxwell said.

"I think it's sweet!" said Molly "But what's with the - ?"

"The mask? Look, it's this whole thing with him, been going for - whatever. I'm kind of scared to ask. I'm going to let them know we're leaving. I'm sure those two will be able to find their way . . . Somewhere."

"Ya, ok," Molly said.

"You seem less drunk."

"Yup."

"Ok, let's dance instead," he said, and led her out to the dance floor.

She passed out the end.


	6. Chapter 5

Molly woke up.

She was not at home.

She was not sure where she was.

Not home, probably.

Nice bed though.

Opulent, but understated.

OH WAIT

Only one hotel in probably the whole of the universe [AND MASTER OF IT HAYYYYY] had that sort of Schrodinger's design.

It was the hotel where they had taken the pictures. Exactly [distance] from here was where Molly had first held hands with Maxwell Stanton - had first held hands with anyone, really.

Also, she's not fully dressed, which was very odd.

"Molly. You're awake," Maxwell thunderously stated from just outside

 

"Mhmmm!" Molly said.

"May I come in?" Maxwell asked thunderously thunder thunder

"Yup!" Molly squeaked, and pulled the covers up to her chin to cover her not naked but also not fully dressed body as best as she could.

Maxwell entered.

Thunderously.

But also quiet and gentle like. Dude he knew she had jsut woken up and also that this woulod be disorienting.

"I know you had just woke up and also that this would be disorienting for you," he said.

Molly nodded and squeaked. Did they do the sex stuff? She was too scared to ask.

"I took your clothes away to be cleaned. They needed it. Bars are gross. Especially when you overdrink and puke. Lesson learned?"

Molly nodded. Damn that age difference was hot, she thought before shutting herself down. He wanted nothing to do with her. It was perfectly normal that people who wanted nothing to do with someone would buy them expensive BLACK MARKET books and then drive an undetermined distance almost instanteaneously just because said person they wanted nothing to do with had drunk dialed them. These were all perfectly reasonable reactions. No mixed messages being bounced around from mr thunder voice nope not at all. Everything's sane here people.

"So there's a washroom attached over there," he said, explaining to her the basic layout of like 90% of hotels. Very helpful here dude. "Btw totes didn't sex you or anything weird. Just got you mostly naked while you were unconscious and took you to my place, a dude you've known like a week, rather than leaving you with your friends who actually know you and know where you live and have spare shirts and stuff. I have no spacre shirts for you. So I sent AWESOME BODYGUARD CHAUFFERU PERSONAL SHOPPER ALL AROUND GOOD GUY to buy some clothes. We, two apparently straight guys with no direct interest in fashion or anything, have perfectly guessed your size. I shall bring your clothes in here when you're in the shower. Sound good?"

Molly nodded.

"Excellent. Breakfast will be ready when you're done."

Cool beans.

He left and, safe at last, Molly came out from the protective blankets and went to the bathroom to shower. The water was hot, the pressure nice. Molly's head was still spinning about what the hell was going on with Maxwell cuz seriously dude was so hot an cold it was completely insane and she had no idea what she was supposed to do with any of the info he was giving her. Did he want to mash faces with her? Did he want to never see her agian? Di dhe wnat her to puke around him again? The dude was just so confusing. So she had no choice but to just sort of roll with it. She wanted to mash faces with him, that was for sure, but she wasn't sure if he wanted the same. So she was going to act in her own self interest until he did or said something to contridict her. Then she would do whatever he wanted. So for now, main priority was being around him. The more time the spent to gether, the more likely they were to mash faces. That was what all the movie versions of books for school had taught her. And now was the time to put that to the test. She would have to do everything she knew how to do. She would have to speak at him, with words. Get near his personal space. Like, super close to his face - the face she wanted to mash her face to. That was a garunteed recipe for success. And face mashing. Same thing. So she finished her shower, plan in place.

 

The clothes laid out on the bed for her are, as he said (?), just her size. Cuz that's not weird or creepy at all. Nope jutst perfectly normal things one knows about girls one met a week ago. Cool beans.

So then she goes out and breakfast is waiting.

"Eat." He said, sitting at the table but not eating any himself. She sat down across from him.

"I was wondering - " she began.

"Eat." He said again, staring at her and her untouched plate.

"I just - " nope. Again.

"Eat." His voice grew more thunderous, so she just did what he said. Sort of. You ever try to eat while someone's staring you down? It's weird bro. So weird. But he kind of left her with no other choice. She picked up her fork and took some of the scrambled eggs off the plate and put them in her mouth hole.

"Mmm ?" she said, half because it was actually pretty yummy, half becasue she was checkin if she had adequately fufilled hjis desire to watch her eat food awkwardly from across the table. He nodded almost imperceptibly. So she took another bite ( it really was quite good), before trying to speak again.

"Maxwell, I was just "

"I did not have sexy times with you molly. I'm a gentleman. A classy classy gentleman who does not have sexy stuff with unconscious women. I just take them back to my hotel room an unspecified distance from wherever they actually live, rather than leaving them with their FRIENDS WHO KNOW WHERE THYE LIVE like an unclassy not-gentleman would. Classy. Gentleman. That was how I behaved."

"Okay," Molly said, "So why'd you send me books?? After saying you never watnted to see me again?? What's up with that bro??" [oh god im so glad im not trying to make this good in like any measurement of good because these character's voices are ALL OVER THE PLACE and i am making ZERO EFFORT to make them even internally consistent. Cool beans cool cool cool]

Maxwell shifted uncomfortably in his chair. But, like, a sexy uncomfortable. The kind of uncomfortable that made Molly want to smash faces with him. Damn, look at that uncomfortable shift. Mmmm mmm.

"I must confess, they were an apology."

"Apology? For what?" Molly could not conceive of an instance or wait what start over. Molly could not comprehend that. What could Maxwell possibly have to apologise for? Surely his existence made up for pretty much any act he could do that would necessitate an apology. Like, his hair alone could make up for small genocides.

"For how I acted the other day. I was. . . Abrupt. I should not have left you alone in the street of a city you don't know the name of [oh wait thats not molly thats on me whooops idc where this is happpeennniinngggg], it was very very very inhospitable of me and I wanted to make it up to you. With books. You mentioned a book once so I decided to get you some books. They were very nice, no?" [hon hon hon baguette eiffel tower]

"They were very old. I can't accept them NOPE I couldn't possibly accept such a gift!" she said, overwrought with emotions. Emotions like graditude. Humility. The desire to get attention. MANY EMOTIONS is what I'm sayin here.

 

"I was terrible. Just a terrible host. So accept them. They are yours. Also, I has a asecret."

"A secret?" Molly queried, intrigued. She wanted to know all his secrets. Expecially secrets about his like making out and stuff [????]

"Yes. Molly, I'm afraid I've been . . . Selfish?"

"Selfish?"

"Yes molly. I - I'm not good. I'm the opposite of good. You should stay away from me. I want you to stay away from me. I want to keep you safe from me. But that's the secret. I want to keep you safe, and that desire comes from . . . Another desire. I can't stay away from you Molly." He said, and as his thunderous voice thundered down, he stared at her with an intensity she had never before seen. Dedication. Determination. Deliberation. No wait that's for apparation. Okay, but it was very similiar Ds. [just like the D she wanted HEEEYYYY] It was as if he was trying to apparate [into her AARRRRMsss ooo ooo ooo and now it only beats for youuu if I could apparate into your arrrmmms maybe I wouldn't be soo bluueeeee] [/wizard rock songs no one would get] [ where was I??] It was as if he was trying to apparate right into her SOUL. She got all that from his stare.

"Ooohhh Maxwell!" Molly emoted, and practically melted right over her breakfast like a particularly delicious cheese sauce.

"No. Enough about me. Tell me about you!" Maxwell voiced the one phrase any pick up artist knows, like this is pick up chicks 101 level of manipulation. So that's always great to know the guy who's trying to get with you isn't even breaking out the high level manipulation tactics. It always leads to the question: is this because he just hasn't graduated to the higher levels of dirtbaggery yet? Or is he just not willing to go full dirtbag to get you? And the sad thing is, you can never know the answer until it's too late. And the dirtbag is long gone. And it's the end of the music video for Goodbye Earl. It no longer matters what kind of dirtbag he was, because he's dead and buried and you are better off now with your non-dirtbaggy friends who you already know definitely would help you get rid of a body. That's what a dirtbag boyfriend can teach you - who your friends really are.

Aaaaanyway.

Molly fell for his cheap ploy. Obviously. No one had ever asked her to talk about herself before. Or, if they had, she hadn't been listening or had since forgotten it. In any matter, no one had asked her to talk about herself while sounding like thunder brought to life in man-form and staring at her like she was the only thing in the whole universe.

She began to talk about school, and how it was over (?) [yeah, I think they graduated? Thats why they were drinking right? Surre. Lets go with that mmkay?] and how she was glad it was over. She talked about wanting to apply for internships, because she hadn't yet figured out that most internships were unpaid, full of sadness, and like full time hours and therefore a pretty terrible thing to do when you had zero savings and your mom had long since cut you off financially until you began to make an effort to sort yourself emotionally because she just couldn't deal with all the drama anymore Molly and if this is what it takes to force you to pull yourself together and act like adult than that was what she was going to do, no matter how much it hurt the both of us, dammit! I can't take this anymore Molly! YOURE TEARING ME APART LISA

 

So while they were talking, Maxwell would occasionally pointedly stare at her food until she ate a couple of bites before letting the conversation continue. Molly thought this behaviour was pretty weird, after all, its not like she had a history of eating disorders, and even if she did, there's no way he would know about it. Unless if he had used his black market skills *cough* his black market driver slash bodyguard slash personal shopper *cough* to break in to her old therapists' offices [yes, plural. Duh] and take copies of all of her records. But that would be absurd and definitely not a thing that he would do. Probably. I mean, once you've gone black market for some old books, you're likely in pretty deep to be using it for such trivial things as wooing a girl who hasn't expressed specific and enthusiastic interest in these books. Using black market skills and tools to steal some confidential records is probably how you spend a slow thursday.

So she was eating and stuff, and they talked, and he stared, and she ate, and everything went pretty well, if you chose to ignore every weird thing that either of them did, as well as the whole issue of the circumstances that brought them here being completely insane. Ignore that, and everything was fine.

After the food was all eaten, they moved into the sitting area or something. Maxwell sat on the couch, and Molly saw her opportunity. She sat down next to him. No, closer than that. Closer. Alll moooossstt toouuuccchiiinnggg - nope! When it became obvious what she was trying to do, aka as soon as she sat down, Maxwell shot up and moved to a chair on the other side of the room.

"Ummm, what the hell dude?" molly asked, confused "I'm totes not wasted anymore, sooooo ????"

"It's not that Molly. Not just that."

"Don't you wanna, like idk….??" she asked suggestively.

"Molly, I haven't been able to keep my mind off of you ever since we met. I would love to do sex stuff to you."

"Then why don't we do sex stuff? I really wanna mash my mouth orfice all up against yours and like tongues and stuff?" she asked, confused, and she stood up to walk towards him, reaching out to him. He dodged her.

"Nothing is ever that simple, Molly," he thundered, but it wasn't quite an angry thunder. More like a frustrated thunder. "I will never, ever, ever touch you without your consent."

"Uhmm, this is me, giving you my consent dude. Lets suck face."

"No, that's not good enough. I need you to sign my contract."

"K"

"It must be signed in triplicate."

"K"

"And notarised"

"K"

"And overseen by a supreme court judge"

"K"

"You don't understand what you're agreeing to"

"K" she said "wait no I mena what?"

"I - I could show you. At my apartment"

"Hells yes," Molly said. Not a lot more NOPE WAHT NO START OVER There were very few things in the world right now that seemed more interesting to Molly than a look at Maxwell Stanton's apartment. It would be like peeking into his brain, and that was one of the few things that would be more interesting to her than his apartment. AFter all, she had seen apartments before, but had never witnessed an MRI or a human brain dissection.

 

 

"Aight cool." He said, "I'll get my dude to take my things. Let's go."

"What, like now?" Molly asked, surprised at how quickly things were going, but not against it.

"Yup. If I'm gonna scare you off, I'd rather not drag this out any longer."

"Scare me off??" Molly muttered, confused, and blushed cuz she hasn't done that in a while so. Maxwell just looked at her, thunderous, weary, and a little bit sad.

They take off, Maxwell leading the way, but keeping his distance from her. He did this all the way to the elevator, at which point he could maintain his proximity no longer.

No sooner had the doors shut, then Maxwell shoved Molly up against the side of the elevator - the railing pushing rather painfully into her back. He pinned her arms above her head.

"Fuck it," he said, elequontely, before just ramming his lips against hers, his tongue doing tongue stuff??, leaving Molly breathless (though the rail in her back probably contributed to that a bit also)

When the elevator doors sprang open, Maxwell backed away as quickly as he had advanced on her and strode out the door, clearly expecting her to follow his totes casual lead.

So - that - kissing? Was all that Molly could think.

 

 


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

In the car, Maxwell sat as far away from her as possible, as if she were infected with alien sex pollen, which she was fairly sure she wasn't. Still, one could never be too careful when it came to alien sex pollen, and it really could come from the most unlikely of sources. And from the suddeness of that kiss, going against everything Maxwell had said, MOlly was pretty sure that sex pollen was definitely a legitimate excuse for that sort of action.

He drove her to her house becasue he knew where it was becasue that was a thing he knew. One of many. That she hadn't told him. That's how romance works, right?

"I'll pick you up laters babe [HAH THAT'S A QUOTE FROM THE BOOKS GET IT GET IT]" he said, shoving her out the door and slamming it behind her.

"K…" she said to the car as it sped away into the distance.

 

In the house, In the apartment, Serena was waiting for her.

"Molly! Where'd you get to last night?? I was soo worried! I tried calling everyone but no one had seen you leave and I couldn't get ahold of you - did you charge your phone? You should charge your phone. Where were you??"

"I uh Maxwell took care of me."

"Took care of you? What happened?? Were you broken?? I can fix you up! Darien's making soup!"

"Darien?"

"Oh, yeah, right. We met last night. He, uh stayed over. Oh, he's Maxwell's cousin! [looolll not like that] He tried getting a hold of Maxwell for me, but couldn't get a straight answer out of him! I'm sooo glad you're okay molly|! I don't know what I'd do if you weren't!"

"I'm fine serena! YOu're always such a woorry wort!"

"I can't help it moolly! I get such a - such a weird vibe from that Stanton guy. Don't you sense it?"

"No," Molly said, defensive. She finally gets something good, something interesting in her life, and all Serena tries to do is tear her down [completely ignoring how earlier serena was all encouraging her to go get that d but whatevs.]

 

 

 

CHAPTERSSSS IMPROMPTU WRITE IN GDOCS STARTS HERE C AND P FROM HERE ONN

 

 

ww1

 

"just be careful moly ok? Please? And kkep your phone on and charged and call me if he ever does anything weird ok? Please?" Serena begged.

"Yah yah sure," Molly said and rolled her eyes. she wasn't even sure where her phone was so that didn't even matter.

 

Molly decided to go to work then. Cuz why not. I'm not even sure if she's actually employed there, her hours seem all over the place and like not kept track of well at all. Maybe they fired her like after the first week because it was obvious that she was completely incompetent but she just kept coming in for random shifts. Not even real shifts eitheer, she just like comes in 2 hours into the morniing shift and leaves partway into the afternoon, with like no rhyme or reason just like crazy random hours. They would've called the cops on her, but she was actually pretty good at stocking shelves (she was hired for customer servicce, her weak personality made it hard for people to yell at her and she didnt seem to retain much emotional damage from being yelled at all day. they had to fire her because she picked up approxamaitely zero knowledge about the store and how it works and couldn't help even the easy, non-yelly customers so her managers were always having to pick up her slack, which goes against the secret manager code of Do As Little Work As Possible, Blaame Those Inferior To You, Take Credit For Everything Good, Gain Job Immortality) so as long as she kept coming in and matching the colours and shapes on the tags of the stuff in the boxes to the ones on the racks, they decided to keep paying her for all the hours she clocked in for - which was probably about a quarter of the hours she actually worked. A questionable practice, but as long as Molly never noticed, technically legal. probably.

So at work, the manager called her into the office about as soon as he realised she was there - about 2 hours after she arrived.

"Molly, have you been giving the building's phone number and adress out as your own again?" she asked.

"No?" Molly said confused. She was pretty sure she had never done that. There was that one night where she wasn't drunk and didnt almost black out where she had taken a cab home and the stupid driver had dropped her off at work, but that probably had nothing to do with this.

"Some kid named Melvin keeps dropping by and calling trying to get ahold of you?"

"Oh, that's jut Melvin."

"Yes. That is what he said his name was. Why is he looking for you here?"

"He just knows where I work. It's probably Serena's fault, she didnt tell me anything about Melvin trying to call me and I wasn't home last night. We went out and - "

"Imma stop you there. I really dont care. Tell him to stop harassing us. If he doesn't buy something the next time he's here we're gonna ban him."

"Okay!" Molly said, and left to go back to her stocking [lool stocking and stalking BOTH THEMES OF THIS STORY!!] Though she had no intention of talking to Melvin. He can wait and suffer from her lack of prescence, surely as all who are not in her prescence suffer.

 

 

ww2

 

He can deal with his one life molly was gonna Yolo right away from that mess real fast sooooz. yah.

 

When she was done her shift, Maxwell was waiting outside for her.

"We're gonna take a helicopter!"

"YAAAAAYYYYY!"

"YAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!"

"YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YAYAY AYYAYA YAYAYAY AY AYYAYFUAFYDHFJSA J KD HFJKKFS HGJSHGAJS KHFKKS HFH SHFJK SAH YAAAAAYYYY" THEY SAID TOGETHER. YAY HELICOPTERS YAAAYYYYJ I WANNA GO ON A HELICOPTER ALL CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOPER VWORPP VWORRPPP GOES THE CHOPPY BITTS HELICHOPPER YAAAAYY GO FAST BUT NOT BUT LOUD SO LOUD

 

 

 

ARE WE IN THE CLEAR YET ARE WE IN THE CLEAR YET ARE WE IN THE CLEAR YET ARE WE IN THE CLEAR YET GOOD

 

SO THEY drove to the place where the choppy chop was.

"Can u fly a choppy chop?" Molly asked.

"Ys. I am a very good choppy chop flyer. I fly many choppy chops and bought this with my money for choppy chops. I have like eight hundred choppy chops and like sixten thousand non choppy flying thing.s even though they done chop chop chop they still go vrrooommm and zoom zoom and so its all good and fun times. Come in my choppy chop."

"Ok. " Molly said and got into the choppy chop. There were many sitty places and also strappy thing s and buttons and flashy lights and switchy things and it was all just a lot of like wow. [Timmy is the Patrice to my Robin] [SISTERS FIGHT TED] [ROBOTS AND MLS FIGHT TED!!!] [HATERS GONNA HATE HATE HATE]

"Yes. Feel much wow. That is how you should feel in my choppy chop and also always for me. I am wow for you"

"Okay"

"Here, I will now attach you to the choppy chop chopper so you dont fall out."

"Good!"

"If you fell out you couldn't wow at my choppy chop and also at me. So don't do that."

"Okay"

He then took some of the strappys that were everywhere and pulled them over her and like touched her with his hands in places that were veeeery close to her no no spaces but it was ok. He smelled good. Like thunder before rain. Or did thunder come after rain? Molly didn't know much about thunder but she just let it all happen so it's okay she just shake shake shake shake it off.

"Here, you are safe now. I want you to be safe. I also want you to know that I have a very functional knowledge of how to use strappy straps on ppl and like tie them down or stufff. THIS IS AL L A PREQUEL TO VERY KINKY STUFF. SO KINKY. THERES LIKE ROPES AND STUFF INVOLVED. HIGH LEVEL STUFF. BEYOND 4 CHAN. ABOVE THE LEVEL OF A THIRTEEN YEAR OLD WHO DISCOVERED THE M RATING ON FF.N LAST WEEK. DEFINIETLY. VERY OUT THERE SEX STUFF THAT I AM ALLUDING TO RIGHT NOW."

"K" she said, and was super strapped in. Maybe turned on a little bit? She didn't know because she knew absolutely nothing about like sex and stuff so she didnt even know what it felt like to want sex because she was as pure as the driven snow [what does that mean, anyway? Anyone know? I'm word warring so I cant google it so if someone could comment with the answer or a lmgtfy link or something cuz im probably gonna forget I asked this question by the end of the war so that d be gr9 thxxxx!!] and didnt know any like sexual or romantic stuff. She thought serena practiced wrestling in her room when she had ppl over. Thats how bad she was. Like, beyond stupid. Not even being ace is an excuse for this. She's just like actively ignorant and just plain dumb about all of this nonsense. So she was all strapped in and turned on when Maxwell took his seat by most of the blinky lights and switches and stuff. It was very good

He took his seat and started strapping himself in with the strappy straps on his side of the choppy chop and so the he straped himslef in and molly was watching and got turned on? Again?? More??? Maybe?? Who knows???? Not her thats for sure!!!

So they were strapped on and he pressed some buttons. Molly wanted to press buttons. It looked like it would be fun to do. But she was strapped in like super strappy so she couldn't like even move her hands close to the buttons, even when she tried really hard. But the buttons maxwell pressed made the choppy chop go vrrooooooommm.

 

 

So Mazwell got to push buttons and Molly didn't and then the choppy chop went vroooommmmmm and started choppy chopping and wow soo spinny up top and it goes chop chop chop and like wow molly had never gone chop chop chop before and they werent even going zooomy zoom yet it just started choppy chopping and a dude in front of them had a lil lightsabre and molly wanted to laugh at him but was very and noble and didnt cuz she figured that probably all the other jedis already laughed at his lightsaber that was too long to be an effective lil light dagger and too lil to get enough range to do normal swordy stuff and oh god this is rudolph all over again moving on andso all the choppy chopps above were choppy chopping and molly was all wow but it was too loud to say anything but then she remembered that when maxwell was touching her and using the strappy strapps that made her go all tingly she was all wow and she remembered that he also touched like her head area and she was now wearing a big ol clunky set of headphones that had a mic thing attached so maybe she could talk.

"Wow" she said, just to like test it.

"Damn straight" Maxwell said, confirming their ability to communicate.

Then the dude in front waved his sad lil ightsaber and maxwell nodded and then pushed more buttons and flipped some switches and then everything got even louder which molly could like not even believe this was all so bananas. Everything was louder and then there was pressure and then they were going up. Maxwell was holding the steering wheel joystick thing which is probably a metaphor for sex somehow too but probably gay sex so this is gonna be super no homo and not acknowledge the gay sexiiines of joysticks.

They went up and the choppy chop was loud and molly could see a lot. Could, but chose not to. She chose to only look at maxwell, a sight that was not much different than it looked from the ground when she wasnt in a choppy chop. He looked kinda happier though? Probably cuz thunder came from the sky [THIS THUNDER THING IS HAVING SO MANY CLEVER UNINTENDED STUFF COME FROM IT YOU GUIIIZZZZZ] and so he looked like at peace and stuff. Probably also happy cuz there was lots of strappys and he seemed to enjoy that so.

They maybe talked? While choppy chopping??? Uhmm, not a hundred percent on that though.

"My choppy chop is named choppy cuz that's what it does." Maxwell said.

"Ooohh thats so clever and deep!" Molly gushed.

"Damn straight" maxwell said. Maybe Damn Straight can be our Always, Molly thought. She had seen that in an ad for amovie that looked too boring for her to actually see. People said they cried though so it was probs super deep and stuff so she pretended she had seen it. Whenever people asked her about it she'd go "oh I cried!! Didn't you?? So sad, amiright!!" and that basically covered the conversation. If people tried to keep talking to her about it after that, she'd just sort of wander away. That tended to solve like a lot of her problems. Just wander away and then the problem cant follow you cuz problems dont have legs or wheels or choppy chops and are therefore incapable of wandering. There. Solved all the problems in the world. Have ebola? Wander away. Poor? Just wander away from your lack of money and then you'll be rich. That's how science works. Wander away from one thing, and you must therefore wander into the opposite of it. Science'd.

Okay, so they talked about the choppy chops name and then maybe some other ~deep~ stuff and the flight took exactly [time] to occur, which was probably better researched than aannnyyy of the BDSM stuff that happened in this book. Seriously, there's some weirdly precise times that do not need to be in here. Girl could've spent more time researching if English grads used computers, that would've been way more useful to this story.

 

 

So right. Choppy chop happened. And stuff. Right? Idk. Velociraptor. I wish I could type vleociraptor better and faster. Its to otricky what I look away for one second and what am I writing? Man idk.

So like they're in the choppy chop when ALL OF A SUDDEN completely UNRELATED to ANYTHING THAT S HAPPENING in the sasknano chatroom right now (nov 14 2014 10:20ish if you wanna check the logs) BOOM. VELOCIRAPTORS. IN THE AIR? BUT HOW!!

IT'S ALSO A SHARKNADO!!

The sharknado had picked up some velociraptors that were under the ocean but like an underwater volcano just like shot them up above sea level just as the sharknado was building up steam over that exact spot of ocean so the tornado took up a bunch of sharks and also velociraptors. WAHHT MADNESS and then it was flying RIGHT AT THEIR CHOPPY CHOP!! What could they do?? There was only one choice.

"Molly," maxwell said, mournfully and not at all like his usual thunder.

"Yes maxwell?" Molly replied.

"I love you, but I gotta do this."

"Gotta do whoat?"

"I gotta just explode this choppy chop, my precious choppy, right in the middle of that velociraptor sharknado. And I gotta be piloting it to be able to time it right and also to trigger the explosion."

"Oh maxwell!!"

"But it'll be alright Molly. You've got a long long life a head of you. A happy one, hopefully. Just one without me."

"But I don't want a life without you!"

"You gotta, kid. You gotta go and live your life. And I gotta stop this velociraptor sharknado. It's just how it is."

"OH maxwell!"

"Here's the parachute. It's the only one, so only one of us could make it out of here anyway. And it's gonna be you."

"Please Maxwell!"

"You're gonna be fine, I promise. Now go. I love you."

"I love you too!" she said, before he buckled her into the parachute, and shoved her right out of the choppy chop. Making sure that when she exited, she wouldn't hit any of the choppy bits and get chopped.

A shark almost nibbled on her as she fell, but she wrenched away from it, which only drew her closer to a velociraptor! It tried to grab at her, but it's arms were too short, and the crazy wind currents from the nearby tornado part of the sharknado quickly blew them away from each other. She landed safely, but was fine. She looked up in time to see Choppy, the choppy chopp, containing the only man she'd ever loved, fly straight into the center of the sharknado. Sharks swirled arounded it, velociraptors did also, and almost as soon as the debris hid it from sight, The rapidly expanding fire signaled that the deed was done. Choppy was no more, and neither was Maxwell. Choppy chop go boom.

Tears fell down Molly's face, but there wasn't anything she could do now, no way to properly mourn. She had to move on, get to safety, maybe kill a couple of sharks or velociraptors. She had to keep going

BUT A VELOCIRAPTRO WAS ADVANCING ON HER! MOLLY WAS NOT EQUIPPED FOR THIS!!! WHAT DO??!?!?!

 

 

WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN, OUT OF NOWHERE - LIGHT! SPARKLING LIGHT! AND A VOICE! NOT LIKE THUNDER, NOT AT ALL. IT WAS LIEK THE OPPOSITE OF THUNDER. IT WAS A VOICE MADE OF LIGHT AND EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD

"MOOOONNN TIIAAARRRRAAA MAAAGGIICC!!" CRIED OUT THE VOICE, AND THEN A SHIMMERING GOLDEN DISC DECAPITATED THE VELOCIRAPTOR, BLOOD SPURTING FROM IT'S DIS-HEADED NECK. THE DISC ABRUBTLY REVERSED DIRECTION AND RETURNED TO IT'S OWNER.

The disc thrower, she of the golden voice, stood confidently as the velociraptor's body and disembodied head collapsed on the ground before her. Her bright yellow hair flowed from two points on her head, bright and completely detangled. This girl was definitely magic.

"Doers of evil, bitey creatures, in the name of the moon I will punish you!" she cried out as she struck a pose. Damn she looked awesome. Molly wanted to be her, and didn't even want to stab herself for thinking it. That's how awesome that was.

The totally awesome girl came up to Molly.

"Are you alright?" she asked, genuine concern radiating from her.

Molly could just nod, struck completely mute by her badassness.

"Okay, we need to get you out of here. But I can't stay with you! Luna, what can we do?" she asked, turning the the lil black cat that had appeared beside her. Odd, Molly thought, Luna was the name of Serena's cat. And her hair looked like Serena's. And so did her face. Ehhh, probably a coincidence.

"Here, Sailor Moon, give her this!" the cat said, then did a backflip. There were some like sparkles and light and magic stuff, and then an object clunked on the ground.

"A chainsaw!" Sailor Moon exclaimed, "That's perfect! Here, Molly, take this. Head inland and North a bit, the sharknados are heading south."

"Sure thing Sailor Moon! Golly, thank you so much!"

"Good luck! Stay safe!" she said, then ran off, presumably to kill more velociraptors and sharks and maybe come up with a better plan to stop this than exploding a choppy chop in the middle of a tornado in a kamikaze mission cuz that hadn't worked so good.

Molly collected the chainsaw. It looked badass, and like it could totally kill some sharks and velociraptors. It also looked heavy, but when Molly picked it up, it was totally manageable for her to carry. Awesome! MAgic chainsaw!!

She did as Sailor Moon had said, and began heading south and inland [i still dont know 100% where this is, so I cant say if inland is east or west but it's almost definitely one of those two directions]. She came upon a few velociraptors, but the chainsaw easily cut through their velociraptor flesh.

It was when she was set upon by a shark that things started oging south. It dodged the chainsaw, agile like no shark she had ever seen before, and managed to tear a lil bite in her shoulder, when, out of the fog

MAXWELL RETURNED!!!

"MAXWELL!" SHE CRIED

"MOLLY!" HE THUNDERED

THEY RAN TOWARDS EACH OTHER, ALL SLO MO AND ROMANTIC LIKE, MAXWELL SHOT THE SHARK LIKE 8 TIMES WITH THE SHOTGUN HE WAS CARRYING EN ROUTE TO HER AND THEN THEY EMBRACED AND IT WAS EPIC.

"MAXWELL, LET US MASH FACES ONCE MORE!" SHE SAID

"NO," HE SAID, "FOR YOU MUST STILL SIGN THE CONTRACT."

SHE WAS SAD, BUT UNDERSTOOD, AND THEY WALKED TOGETHER TO HIS BUILDING, WHICH WAS PROBABLY A METAPHOR FOR HIS PENIS THAT I AM TOO TIRED TO ATTEMPT TO ELABORATE ON.

When they got there, Choppy the choppy chop was on the roof of the building, as that was where they landed. Maxwell unbuckled Molly from her seat, and they exited the choppy chop. He led her across the roof and swiped a keycard thing probably at the door that led from the roof to the rest of the building. She followed him down the short set of stairs, and then through the acess door to his penthouse suite thing.

 

 

 

 

So they walked in and molly was all o hhot damn what a slammin crib dude ands os she walked in ad he was there and was all yes this is where I live super cazh. [uhmm I dont know how to abbreviate casual into cas. Casz cazs cash cazh kaasszzhhh cazsh caszh. HOW DO PPL DO THIS THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW]

So then he brought out the wine. Yumm drinky drink. He put the wine glass in front of her and watched her drink it [WHICH BTW IS A PRETTY GOOD SIGN YOU'RE BEING DRUGGED OR POISONED OR ENCHANTED OR SOMETHING BAD WAKE UP SHEEPLE]. So she drank her, and he watched, and then he drank his.

"So, Molly, before I get you to dsign this contract you have to sign this contract that contracts you to not speak about the contract that we are about to speak about contracting even if you dont sign the latter contract you will be bound by this contract not to talk about what we talk about or you run the risk of breaching your contract and I will be forced to get lawyers involved in this contracting which you really dont want because no lawyers were involved in making this contract because it is completely unenforceable by law, like, legally, so any lawyers I get involved will be like black market lawyers and breach of contract will likely be punished by death or death like symptoms. Theoretically. I am not legally threatening you with death. Contractually, I cant do that. Just like you cant contractually break this contract or the next one or probably the ones after that I reallly like giving out contracts for things. I got a contract with the bus driver who takes the route in front of this place and getting him to sign that contract was the only interaction ive ever had with a bus because that's how much I love contracts its almost as much as I love energy and giving energy to the negaverse wait no I mean. Contracts. Sexy contracts. That's what's happening here. I'm totally legally making you sign a contract. Legally. For legal reasons. Sexy legal reasons."

 

 

"Ok" molly said.

"For srs"

"Ya fr srs" [ by fallout boy]

"Ok, here you go and also more wine [lol I started typing whine cuZ THATS WHAT THEY DO HERE]" he said, thunderously, and freaking idk went to stopppp he said, thunderously, and handed her a new glass of wine (rather than just refilling hers like a normal person ALL WARNING SIGNS HERE PPL] and a nice stack of paper and a fancy dancy pen.

"Ok" she said, flipped to the last page, shotgunned the wine, and signed the damn thing.

"Wow that was easy" he said.

"Just like me," she said, "so we gonna do the frick frack now?"

"No. I do not frick frack. I bang like a freaking fire truck."

"Wut?" Molly said, as she had only learned to say frick frack like yesterday and was not fully up on all the slang for sexytimes.

"Look, man, the nice contract you just signed means you can't talk about literally anything we talk about or do here. Anything. And not just talk, you cant like use Vine or Tweet or the facebook or any method of communication. No one can know. Ok?"

"Yah"

"Okay, I'm gonna show you a thing. You can leave if you want and I totally wont be hurt or sad or anything or mad beyond reason. No. Totally cool if you wanna leave cuz you wimp out and get scared. Totally fine. Perfectly fine."

"Kay."

"Seriously, for contract reasons, I need you to agree to this."

"No dude stop talking and start showing so we can start the frick fracking dagnabit." She said.

"Ok," he said, and led her to the room. The door was painted red with black trim and read 'DO NOT ENTER' in bold capital gold letters. It was super subtle and not at all bluebeardy at all.

He opeend the door and what she saw -

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sex stuff oncoming. expect rating change soon!

CHAPTER 7 FINALLY OH MY GODDDDDD THAT LASTED FIVE-EVERRRRRR

 

SO MUCH KINKY STUFF. LIKE SEX STUFF. LIKE LEATHER MAYBE AND PLASTIC AND LOTS OF STRAPPY STRAPS AND ZIP TIES AND BUTT STUFF LIKE OH MY GOD. LOTS AND LOTS OF LIKE SEX STUFF. MOLLY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT ALL WAS OR WHAT IT WAS CALLED OR ANYTHING CUZ SHES A DUMBASS, BUT DAMMIT SHE KNEW SEX STUFF WHEN SHE SAW IT. AND THIS WAS SEX STUFF. HIGH LEVEL SEX STUFF. LIKE LEVEL 99 PALADIN AND SHE WAS A LEVEL 2 ROGUE. I DONT KNOW HOW THOSE CLASSES INTERACT, BUT WE'RE GONNA SAY BADLY. FOR HER. SEX STUFF.

"So, I dont do, like, boring married ppl sex stuff, as you can see, for they are boring and normal and I am fifty shades of fucked up, not fifty shades of sane."

" - " molly said.

"So, I dont wanna like date you cuz thats like sooo mainstream. But I still wanna sex you up and stuff. So this is how I do that. I'm not gonna tell you any fancy, technical, googleable terms - cuz I wanna jack my word count - but I wanna be like in charge of every thing you do ever, especially all your sex stuf but also the rest of your life stuff. And in exchange, you get to do every thing I ever ask of you or imply of you no questions asked and thats that. Sunds fun right? So funn!!"

"Waaaaattttt"

"Do you wanna go, cuz remmember I said you could go if you wanted and I wouldnt get mad or break anything or anything remember totally fine if you wanna leave. Just fine. A++"

"Noooo, I staaaay" she said.

 

 

"Kay cool beans" he said "cool cool cool. So thats the deal with this place all up in here. Sex stuff. Next level. Aweome. Buuuuutttt this room is for sex times only and ur not sexxin me right now so we gotta go

 

 

Get out of this room right now, mmkay? Mmkay." He said and whisked her away from the room which btw was like also really really red. And like a weird red, too. Not one you saw everyday. Molly idly wondered what his interior decorator was like. Had the interior decorator installed all the strappys? Or did he hire it out to a contractor? She couldn't seeing it doin ahsdfajfksa She couldn't see him doing it himself, so it was probably someone else doing something. He proabbly made them sign like 6 contracts just to get hired for it and like 8000 eight thousand more to actually get the job done. It was one of the things she admired about him - his ability to make people sign contracts. He was very persuasive. She'd already done so much because of him that she had never before dreamed was possible. Like fly in a choppy chopp or touch an old book or get full on white girl wasted. He had already changed her life so much - did she really want him to change it more?? After all, she was a strong, independant woman and who never elt anyone ever make her decisions for her. Like, ever. To give control of herself over to him, to completely let go - it was unimaginable to her. She had never ever done something just cuz someone told her to, had never passively sat by why decisions were made about her without her consent. This would be madness. Totally insane. She knew she was crazy for even thinking it. So she decided to stop thinking.

He led her back to the living room area, and they sat down. He gave her five glasses of wine, she shot one back, held onto a second to sip, and set the other three down for later.

"Kay, so imma be real with you here. This is a big deal. But also like a totally sane thing. Listen to how I'm talking baout it - like it's just a thing that people do all the time and if you think its weird it's probably cuz your ignorant and dumb and not because im crazy. Listen to my voice. Look at my hair. Is this the voice and hair of someone who would do soemthing crazy or ever ever ever hurt you? NO. It is not. This is a reasonable offer and I encourage you to consider it reasonably. Like a reasonable person. Cuz this is reasonable."

"Okay," she said, blushed, finished her second wine, grabbed the third glass.

"Okay, here is some contracts, you can look em over at your lesuire, but actually hvae them read and your opinions finalised by the time I next contact you, whenever that is, or I'll be annoyed mmkay?"

"Okay," she said, third glass down and on to her fourth.

"Do you have any questioons?"

"No."

"Molly. This is srs bsns. Ask me questions about this."

"YOu've done this before?"

"I've done this with like 5 bajillion other women. I'm very popular. And this is a sane thing that sane ppl do. You can do it. It's normal."

"What else do you want me to ask?"

"Ask about hard limits."

"Okay, whats a hard limits?"

"Those are things that are definitely off the table. Like centaur-play. Or joining the mile high club. Aircraft safety is very important, Molly. One person per bathroom and when the seatbelt sign is on you better be sitting the fuck down."

"Okay what else, cuz I dont know anything about that stuff."

"You don't have any hard limits?"

"Dude idk ive never done the sex stuff."

"WHAT YOU VE NEVER DONE THE FRICK FRACK PADDYWACK?!?!!?!?"

"Uhmmm, no?"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING OH MY SWEET BABY JESUS YOU ARE PURER AND THEREFORE MORE VALUABLE THAN I THOUGHT!"

"K"

"I MUST DESTROY YOUR PURITY POST HASTE. GET YE TO A BED!!!"


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note the rating change. sex stuff now. ugghhhh.

"BUT GURL YOU BE BANGIN SLAMMIN BOOTYLICIOUS!!! HOW YOU NO DONE THE SEXY SEX?!?!?"

"Uhmmm I d k, boys have coottiesss? Or something???"

"BUT BOY COOTIES DISOLVE FOR HOTNESSS. LOKE YOU. DAMN THIS IS ALL COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. I DID NOT HAVE A CONTRACT WRITTEN UP FOR THIS SITUATION!!"

"For what situation?" he was so thunderous. She was so wow.

"WE GONNA DO THE FRICK FRACK. ALL NICE AND BORING LIKE. GOD. THIS IS ALL SO MAINSTREAM. SOOO MAINSTREAM. GOD. BORING. NOW I GOTTA SEX YOU UP ALL NICE AND SLOW AND BOOORRING. NO STRAPPYS. SO BORING. UUUGGGHH. SEX."

"What?"

"GET ON THE BED!" he thundered. She did.

 

 

and den dey done sex.

 

 

When she woke up, he wasn't in bed. Becasue he was a loser. And a jerk. And didn't know how to be a nice people to someone you had just sexxed for the first time ever. BUT WHATEVER. MOLLY DIDNT THINK THAT. So she got up and looked for him. He was in the living room, and a gentle piano tune drifted out from there before she could see him. It guided her into the room where he sat all shirtless and stuff playin the piano. Like a tool.

"Molly? What are you doing awake? I totally sexxed you too hard for you to not be asleep right now!"

"Yah, I woke up and you weren't there! :((((("

"oh my god you are so high maitenence gooddddd." He said, but got up anyway.

He walked with her back to the bedroom, smacked her hand away when she tried to touch him, then tucked her in. He fell asleep on top of the sheets. It was sooooo sweeeeeetttt you guuuuyyyyyssss.

 

 


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 

Molly woke up first, and decided to try and make breakfast! That was what ppl on TV did after doing the frick frack. And now that she knew all about the frick frack, she was probably qualified to make breakfast, despite never having done so in her life. She turned on some fire things, and poured some things, and chopped some things, and mixed some things, and it all felt a lot like breakfast. She was soooper proud of herself.

MAxwell joined her when she was almost done cooking.

"Smells liek fire all up in here," he said, sniffing the air.

"I know right!" Molly exclaimed. Fire was good for cooking, so smelling like fire meant the cooking was happening.

"Okay then," Maxwell said, then helped her put everything on plates and carry it out to the table where eating happened.

"Eat all your food. All of it," Maxwell thundered.

"Oooo kay!" she said, and began eating. And eating. And she just kept eating. She never saw maxwell eat, but his plate was soon clean even though hers seeemed to never get emptier for ages. She didnt question it, just continued to eat under his steadied gaze. This was probably a weird sex thing.

 

"I should probs call Serena. She's such a worry wort!" Molly said, when all the food was finally eaten.

"Make it quick. And remember your contract. No speaky," Maxwell thundered.

"Mmkay!" Molly said, and bounced back to the bedroom to collect her phone.

The phone had about half a ring before Serena picked it up.

"Molly!" she said, excitedly.

"How did you know it was me?" Molly asked.

"Molly, caller display has been a thing on cell phones for like 20 years."

"Okay"

"How did things go?"

"Oooh, uh you know. Stuff happened. Like, stuff. And things."

"OH MY GOD YOU HAD SEX"

"What? No? WHO TOLD YOU???"

"IT'S ALL OVER YOUR VOICE OH MY GOD YOU SEXXED UP MAXWELL STANTON HOW WAS IT???"

"IT WAS UHHHHH redacted SOOOO"

"I NEED DETAILS GIRL!!"

"NO

 

 

"oh my good chill Molly,"

"I'm chill, Serena. So like whateves"

"Okayyyy I'll talk to you latersss then?"

"Yup! Byyeee sSerenaa!" Molly said, then hung up.

Ugh. She felt so weird about this. She wasn't used to hiding things from Serena. Not ever. Especially not awesome things like sexxin up some rich dude. Some potentially sadistic and crazy controlling rich dude. But rich! Sex! This was the peak of life and she couldn't shove it in her perfect blonde bff's face! What was the point of everythingg? Why even livv eeee???? Oh myyy goooodddddde :( She couldn't live like this, so she thought of a compromise.

"Maxweellll," she said as she reentered the living room where he had been posed, waiting for her.

"What is it, my dear Molly?"

"Uhmm, so I know I can't talk about all the stuff in the red strappy room cuz that's the weird stuff, but can I at least tell Serena I hit that? Its just it doesnt feel right not being able to brag about that."

"Your friend is banging my brother. You tell her, she tells him. That's a no no. No one in my family knows about the weird sex stuff I do. Which may sound, crazy, I know. As most normal people do tell thier family members about their preffered sexual practices. So this is kinda werid. But I dont want them knowing what sex stuff I do. Even if you just tell her it was boring sex. I don't want my family to think I have boring sex!! That's just weird. Better to let them wonder, and think that I am haveing awesome and sane sex. That shwat they think. That's how they should think. You may not tell them anything."

"But what we did - "

"Yes. It was sane boring normal sex. And yes, I actually got off on it? Crazy right? Who'd have thunk that the normal sex that everyone has could actually be good? Madness. This is a world gone mad. Where normal sex is good. Crazy banaas [damn. Nother sex scene coming. Damn damn damn damn I dont know how im gonna spin it oh god I dint think this far in advance 6 minutes left in this word war and I got sex stuff ahead that I have nooo iddeaaa what to do withhh ugghhh the they don sex thing is good but I cant overplay it YES I AM CONSIDERING QUALITY. SLIGHTLY. THIS WAS ON PROVINCIAL RADIO FOR CRISSAKES. AUUUGGGHHHHHHHHH five minutes jfkajda kadjf sa kasfjsijfida djdk djkkdskkkk kkkjjjjlklk I dont know if my k key is acting weird or its just my finger acting up???k kjj lll ll I think it's just my finger.]

"So, crazy that boring sex is good sex, right?"

"K," said molly.

"Wanna do mor good sex?"

"K"

"K but your gross get a shower first. NO WAIT. GENIUS IDEA FROM THE BRAIN OF MAXWELL STANTON UP IN HERE. LETS DO CLEAN SEX!! THATS THIS THIN GI JUST THOUGHT OF WHERE TWO PEOPLE GET DIRTY WHEN THEY GET CLEAN. REVOLUTIONARY [3 minutesajfdka ]"

"K"

"Okay, bathtime!!"

"Do I get a rubber ducky?"

"Uhhh of COURSE YOU DO! Rubber duckies are for babies, but sexxing babies is wrong, but sexxing grown ups who act like babies its totes okay! LOOPHOLE BITCHES!!! GET SOME PIGTAILS WHILE YOUR AT IT AWWW YEAH NEW FETISH INVENTED RIGHT HERE COPYRIGHT MAXWELL STANTON, NEGAVERSE INC. BOOYAH."

[oh the flaws of only reading a few lines ahead in your summary… be prepared children, learn to be prepared. Maybe if I had been a scout this would've been easier. Maybe if I'd been a scout, I would never have befriended patrick and this terrible story would've fallen to some other poor poor soulll oh gosd so close to done dinw!]

 

 

 

 

This word war will not be a very successful one.

 

So they got into the bath. There were many bubbles and like 6 rubber duckies. Very nice. Thney got in together and it was wet. That makes things sexyer. Very wet and bubbly. So that happened. Very wet. Cuz water. Water is vsexxy??? Kay. They arte in the sexxy bubble water. Very sex. Molly thinks this is good time and place for sex stuff but doesnt know what kinda sex stuff cuz shes never started sex stuff before an d not in a bath tub either so she had to think. Think about sexxy sex stuff to do sexxily and so she did the sex things. She thought about in tv and movies before sex stuff the girl goes down low with her face all up in his front butt so she was like yes I will do this I will go to the front butt and she did and maxwell was all hell yah so she did more stuff and he was all yah v good do that more so she did and it was awesome and no one drowned the end.

Then the bath was done and the sex stuff wasnt. Maxwell used a very nice tie that probably cost lots of money like twenty bucks and tied her hands.

"No touchy," he said

"K" she said.

Then she went down to her front butt area like she did to him and idd stuff and she was like wow I dint know that was legal wow so cool lets do this and he did this and it was awesome the end.

BUT WAIT!!!

SEX STUFF STOPPED CUZ THEY HEARD A VOICE. A NICE BUT KINDA SHOUTY VOICE. A MOM VOICE.

"CRAP DATS ME MAM," MAXWELL SAID

 

 


	11. Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

 

"WHATS A MAM?" MOLLY ASKED

"GET DRESSED DUMBASS" MAXWELL RESPONDED, UNTIED HER THREW ON SOME CLOTHES. SHE PUT CLOTHES ON TOO BUT HIS CLOTHES CUZ SHE HAD NO IDEA WHERE THE F HER CLOTHES WERE ANYMORE AND THEY WERE DRESSED ALL MATCHY MATCHY LIKE LIL KIDS OR WEIRD PPL AND THEIR DOGS AND STUFF SO THEY WENT OUT.

"HI MAM"

"HI"

"HI"

THUS THE INTRODUCTIONS WERE COMPLETE.

"DUDE WHERE THE HELL YOU BEEN?" HIS MOM ASKED

"LIKE WORK AND STUFF"

"YOU SAY AS YOU EXIT YOUR BEDROOM WITH SOME RANDOM GIRL"

"SHUT UP MOM"

"DONT TALK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT ILL BANISH THE HELL OUT OF YOU OR SOMEHTIN"

"YES MOM, WHAT EVER YOU SAY."

"dONT CALL ME MAOM"

"YES YOUR HIGHNESS"

"COOL BEANS THATS ALL I WANTED PEACE OUT PEASANTS" SHE SAID, THEN PROCEEDED TO PEACE OUT.

"YOU CALL YOUR MOM YOUR HIGHNESS?"

"UH YEAH SHES LIKE A QUEEN OR SOMETHING. AT LEAST, SHE SAYS SHE IS. SO THATS WHAT QUEENS GET ADRESSED BY SO DEAL. WHAT DO YOU CALL QUEENS? EXACTLY. CUZ YOU DONT KNOW ANY. SO SHUT UP [maybe shut up can be their always]"

"K" molly said, very molly like, and blushed cuz they got caught toing weird sex stuff together and she was all like ashamed and nervous and just like a lot of emotions, most of them bad, which is a great way to make yourself feel after sexxin up some rich guy you met last week like have some pride that is a skilll dammit!

 

 

 

"I GOTTA CALL SOME BUSINESS GUYS. SSIT HERE AND SHUT UP."

"K"

Maxwell walked away to talk on the phone. Molly did nothing. But it was takking foreeeever and she was bored, so she saw her phone on the table and decided to check it. She pushed a button and the screen lit up. Another call from Melvin, sigh. Dude couldn't take a hint. Or a sledgehammer. She had just spent a couple of days in the company of MAXWELL STANTON, CEO ETC. Why did Melvin still think he had a chance? Probably cuz patriarchy. Or was patriarchy why Maxwell was so much better of an option than Melvin [why do both their names start with m that is really annoying they should stop doing that. It should be revealed that they've actually started with different letters all along, a la the berenstein bears - did you know its actual beranstain or somehting? Whatever you think its spelled, your wrong. Everyone thinks its wrong. Theres been studies about this crazy mass phenomenon where literally everyone is absolutely convinced something is true, when all along it hasn't been. What's the deal with that? Probably an interdimensional rift or something. Different dimensional time stream got crossed and so what once was true, is now revealed to have always been false. It could happne. Ask science]

Anyhow. SPEAKING OF PATRIARCHY Maxwell finished his business call as Molly was checking her phone.

"Who was that?" he thundered.

"Oh, I wasn't talking to anyone," she assured him, then rolled her eyes. "Melvin just keeps calling me."

"HE KEEPS WHAAAT??" HE THUNDERED MORE "THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE!!! AFTER HOW HE TREATED YOU?!?!? NO. VERY BAD."

"K" she said.

"Whatever" he said, "i have business stuff to do, so its time for you to get out biatch."

"K"

"Here's the contract I drew up for you," he said, and handed her a like giant, order of the phoenix height stack of paper. "Read it. Very carefully. Use google if you have to. Not Bing, even I wouldn't date a girl dumb enough to use bing"

"What about Yahoo?"

"Hahah molls u so silly. Everyone knows yahoo isn't a search engine, its a database thing. Haha thats why I like you, your cute and silly. So silly. Yahoo. Lol"

"K"

"So google the hell out of this, and like make sure you absolutely understand everyything!!!"

"K" she said

 

So they went out into his car. No choppy chop. It was very sad. If someone owns a choppy chop they should use it to choppy chop everywhere! If something was in choppy chop distance, why would you drive?? If something was a reasonable driving distance, why would you not drive both ways, rather than waaaiiit. ? If something was a reasonable driving distance, why wouldn't you drive both ways? Why would you take the choppy chop there, then drive back? That's a weird intimidation tactic. If you were really aiming to impress, why wouldn't you take the choppy chop on the way back, really seal the deal? Really, the best way to do things is just choppy chop everywhere. Chop chop chop choppy chop chop.

So they took his [insert fancy car name, details, basically full mock up of what you would enter if you were selling said car. All the stats. Cuz its like super relevant to the story, duhhh!] awesome driver bodyguard personal shopper dude that still needs a name was driving, and the two of them sat in the back together, which was probably a metaphor or somehting. Sex?

"Okay, I've thought about things, and I guess you can talk to your roomate about some stuff. Just like fake it though. Normal stuff. And dooON'T LET HER TELL MY BROTHER"

"K"

 

 

"Alright. That's settled. Awesome. I'm glad you saw it my way. Because I"m right, molly, I'm always right you should remember that fivever k? I'm the smartest and bestest and I'm older than you [if I was actualy smartly writing this I would'v eput so nmuch goddam n emphasis on the effed up age differnce becasue its lil messed up things like that that makes 50 shades so ridic. Like. It's stupid. Stupid stup usfpaf stupind suptin. Thatsa hard word to type over and over so there goes that plan for this war sigh I can make the bad guys good for a weekend. No but it's like the seriously messed up age difference between Molly and Nephlite. It's there. It's really bad, like. SHE'S IN MIDDLE SCHOOL?!!?!? DID NO ONE REMEMBER THATTT?? So yah. But that's like something that 50 shades aleready plays with with all the infantalising of like ana and her inner goddess and gloryifying that like. God. Patriarchy PATRICK WHY DIDN'T YOU TEL ME THAT WITCHES OF EAST END ENDS WITH THEM LIKE LITERALLY KILLING THE PATRIARCHY?!?!? AND LIKE AJFKLDAJK FAJKDFA AJF KDAFD AFDKA A FAF AJFA I DONT WANNA SPOIL OTHER PPL BUT LIKE. DUDE. WOW. IS THERE MROE? SOMEONE GOOGLE THAT. I KNOW IT GOT CANCELLED :( BUT IS LIKE A SEASON 3 IN PROGRESS OR SOMETHING?? TELL ME, K? OK. DAMMIT. I KNEW WHERE I WAS GOING WITH THIS AND EVERYTHIG AND NOW IT'S FIVE MINUTES IN AND I COMPLETELY FORGET UGGGHHHH]

"Right, so I'm right about everything ever and ever and ur a baby the end."

"K"

"K, so lets eat," he said, operfectly timed, and they stopped and got out to eat in portland. Im p sure this happens in portland cuz thats how twilight goes down but I still dont know how the rest of the places line up so just use ur imagination ok ok this shouldve had [] oh well too late now use ur imaginations.

"Ook didn't we just eat tho?"

"Oh my god molly what did we just go over? I'M ALWAYS RIGHT. THIS IS HOW RELATIONSHIPS WORK."

"OOO KAAAAYYYYYYY GOOODDDDDDDD"

So they went into the restaurant and sat down and Maxwell ordered them the mushroom somethin somethin idk its been a while since my last twilight re read but [yall should totes go to forks one day before the twilight completely disappears form it for srs its a magical place] [tahiti its a magical place ][ oh sad I wanna watch sheild there was peggy carter and that and also simmons fangirling and thats all I want in life so sad] so they ordered the fancy food stuff idk twilight.

"So what' syour deal?" Molly asked

"My deal with what? Who said you could talk? What is happening right now? Youre supposed to be eating not talking. Thats what your mouth is for right now. Learn this. You sit, you have food, you eat. That's just science. Stop doing science wrong."

Molly stopped talking and started eating which is, by the way, actually science. You use a lot of science to eat. Your mouth is jjust full of sciecne and science determines what you use your mouth for. So make sure you're sciencing right so you dont try to talk food or eat words. SCIECNE !!!!! [INSERT STAR HERE. A PRETTY SPARKLY ONE. THAT GLITTERS AND MOVES. WITH LIKE THE MOTION LINES. WHY CANT THIS HAPPEN RIGHT]. When molly was done using her eating science, she was permitted to talk again.

"So. Like. That's what I was talking about. With the making me not talk. That's weird bro. Who hurt you?"

"Oh my god Molly. No one hurt me. Don't be dumb. Some ppl just like control in all things. This is a true thing that you can look up. It's a perfectly accepted thing. But also when I was fifteen some old chick used me as a sex slave for like six years but that's FINE. Everything turned out FINE and it was PERFECTLY NORMAL and like I'm an A++ ambassodor for the bdsm communtily because of how NORMAL my situation is. We're like still bros and everything. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW NORMAL OF A RELATIONSHIP IT WAS. AHAHAH LAUGHT WITH ME MOLLY AHHAHSHSHAHAHAH THIS IS SO FUNNY THAT WE'RE EVEN DISCUSSING THIS SUCH A NON ISSUE!!!"

 

"Dude. Dude. Dude. Chill. Just. Dude. Chill. Thats. Dude. Just. Dude." Molly said, having an appropriate reaction for once.

"NO IT'S NOT AN ISSUE. LOOOK SHE WAS FRIENDS WITH MY MOM. AND MY MOM DOESNT EVEN KNOW. THATS HOW MUCH OF A NON ISSUE IT IS. RELAX MOLLY. YOURE USING TOO MUCH ENERGY. STOP IT. STOP LEAKING ENERGY ALL OVER. BAD FORM OLD CHAP. BAD FORM"

"YOU GOT LIKE STAT RAPED BY YOUR MOM'S FRIEND? ?? THAT'S HELLA MESSED UP! HHELLA HELLA HEELLLLLLLAAAAA MESSED UP!"

"NO, shhhhh hsut up is fine"

Molly pouted, and thought angry thoughts, but did shut up.

"See? That's why I like u ur compatable with me. You do good. Better than other ones."

"OTHER ONESS??" Molly said. The only thing more unbearable than the thought of doing weird sex stuff with maxwell was the thought of someone else doing weird sex stuff with maxwell.

"Yah duh. Other chicks. Do sex stuff. Let me do sex stuff to them, adn at them, and around them. But they all ended PERFECTLY AMICABLY. PERFECTLY FINE. NONE OF THEM GOT THEIR ENERGY SUCKED INTO THE NEGAVERSE FOR NEGAENERGY NEGASTUFF. ENERGY. NEGAVERSE.

shh no. they were ARE all fine. shhh. all good babes. They just weren't like compatable at stuff. Not like YOU. YOU ARE SPECIAL. I TELL YOU YOU'RE SPECIAL A LOT SO YOU WILL LET ME DO SEX STUFF AT YOU. SPECIAL. PRETTY. YOU. YUP."

"I d kaayyy," molly said. She was having her mind blown all up in here, [but she only wanted one thing to be blown when she was with Maxwell HEEYYOOOOO] and she din't know what to do with all that. Thinking. Emotions. Just, too much.

"Look, dude. Let's be real," Maxwell said, reaching across the table to engulf her hands in his, "REally real. Absolutely nothing in my past has anything to do with you and doesn't affect me as a person and will have no effect on any relationship you get with me. Just irrelevant. Jjust forget all of that. Not importants. Whats importants is that you want to have more stuff with me. Look at the contract. Just, like, really stare at it. Figure out what the letters are for. And like words? There are words there. Let the words go through your eyes and into your brain. Which is sexy, btw. Your eyeball s and brain are totes sexy. Like the rest of you. I wanna sex you. Let the sexy brain translate the words into meaning. Understand the meaning. Of a contract. Just like really understand. Read. Look. Read. Contract. Okay? I think we're totes like awesome together? Like, you made boring sex not terrible, which is kinda magical. The kind of sex married ppl have should not be good. That is what sitcoms teach us. So I wanna have like actually good sex with you. And you'll be good at it cuz you dont think a lot and just do what I say wich is perfect for the sex I like. I dont care what sex you like. It doesn't matter. Its with me so it'll be good. So you gotta read the contract, and sign it, and do whatever I say and like doing it [OH MY GOD I THOUGHT THIS CHAPTER WAS DOOONNEEE NOOOO THERES ANOTHER PARAGRAPH OH GOD I WAS STALLLIIIINNGGGGG TO MAKE IT LAST THE WARRRRR]"

"I will use my eyes and brain," Molly said.

"Good. Let's get you home."

"K" molly said, but she was not k. She did not want do weird sex stuff. But Mazwell was like *swoon* *fans* *oh hot damn* so there is her big internal struggle for this piece. He's creepy, but hot, what do???

They drive to Molly's home. It takes [x time]. Very good.

"Okay, so I've pencilled you in for Wednesday. Read contract. No let bro know. Be good girl, like puppy." [and now he's gone cheesey russian accent??? Kayy???]

"Kaaayyy," Molly said, hesitant, for once. WHAT A LOSER NERD UGHHGAGHASJFJSKAF JAIS

 

Serena was all "tell me about ur sex stuff was it good r u in love that happens with the first time a lot u know like theres maybe blodd and ouchy and also like eternal love-like symptoms. Aslo herpes. Watch out for herpes."

And molly was all "dude chill idk he's coommmppllliiccaattteeedddd *swoon*"

So Serena, familiar with Molly's behaviour, chose to cut off the overdramatic blah blah blah before she could really get going and instead was all "so you may not be in love but TUXEDOO MAASSSKKK imean Darien. THat's it. Darien. No secret identities here or anything. Normal people. In normal love. Doing normal love like things. Btw, I'm going with my fam to a trip so that's a thing that is happening that has absolutely no secrets involved. Sooo yah. BYEEEEEEE"

So that happened.

[WHY DO SO MUCH HAPPEN IN THIS CHAPPTER THIS SEEMS UNESCCESARY AI FAII CANT SPAELL ANYMOREA BUT AI WANNA FINIDH THIS CHAPPTHERE HO MAYHHH GOOODWWDDDD]

So then Melvin called her, and Molly was all ugh bu tlike cant ignore the lil dude forever so she picked up.

"Mellviinn," she exasperated. [totes a legit use of that word btw]

"OH HI MOLLY. I JUST WANNA SAY SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A LIL DORK AND MAYBE A JERK? IDK I DONT CARE ANYMORE. APOLOGIES!"

"yah ok wahtever we all knoe ur a creep so whateves."

"OKAY COOL BEANS SO LIKE EVEN THOUGH IM GONNA PRETEND I DONT LIKE LIKE YOU, AND JUST LIKE YOU, I GOTTA SAY MAXWELL. THATS SKETCH GURL FREEEND."

"shut up melvin. i'll get coffe with u sometoime later okay? kay bye" she said and hung up. She felt sooo much better knowing that was sorted out! Yeay!!

 

Because school was ending (?) maybe (?) idk?? They were moving??? The summary says they pack up their apartment?? So okay?? That happens??? But it's really like Serena packing. Wait no that doesn't work either. No. Serena would not pack up her apartment unless she was moving like 2 hours ago. She has friends for that. And a boy. That's what boys are for. And molly is too selfish in this to pack. So they didn't pack their apartment, they just like thought really hard about it and ate a bunch of snacky snacks before each retiring to their own room for the night. That makes more sense. CHARACTERISATION! IS A THING! I CAN DO!!

So Molly was in her room, thinking about how hella bangin Maxwell is but like also sexx??? Stuff??? Strappies??????? Other stufff????? Maybe??????? Oh llord this was all too much for her. She didn't know what to do. But, being a failure at most things included being a failure at procrastination. She got out the contract.


	12. Chapter 11

lol like imma write out that whole dumbass contract summary: maxwell can do whatever the hell he wants and Molly has to suck it up [lol] do what he says and enjoy it. Yayayayyayyaya cuz everyone wants legalese in their smut [i mean, like, some ppl do, duh, but like you go read lawyer porn for that. Then you can get lots of legal smut. No one wants a random contract in the middle of their book written by someone who's experience with legal documents consists of the time they skimmed the itunes terms and conditions once in like 2003] WHATEVER boring boring blah blah blah like two hundred pages of weak attempts at legalese that is all like nine thousand percent unenforceable in any actual court of law. Because it's stupid. Like ur face. Stupid. Blah blah blah.

So molly actually read the thing somehow and was lla like woah this is cray cray idk ehat like a bajillion of these words even mean like what is a rope? Oh man this was all too much. Bein a sexy sex slave??? Waht even is that. Probably super sexxy. Who knows man. Who. Knows.

So she stopped thinking and fell asleep. She dreamt of like abs and Maxwell and like darkness and energy and negaverse and like a lot of stalagmites. Like a lot. Which was odd for a sexy dream, but Molly never was wired quite right.

She was rudely awoken from her weird not quite a sex dream but defintely a dream about sex if that makes sense? If it doesnt just pretend it does. Whatever. RUDELY AWOKEN by the doorbell or whatever. Molly had to get all like out of bed and stuff and WHO EVEN KNOWS WHAT DAY IT IS? PROBABLY E L JAMES

 

 

CUZ THAT'S THE SORT OF THING SHE PAYS ATTENTION TO. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GET FROM A TO B? FIFTY EIGHT POINT SIX FOUR SECONDS OF COURSE! HOW DOES THE TIMELINE WORK? BOOM THRERE IT IS. AND HTEN LIKE IDK SOMETHING I WAS YELLING??? RIGHT BUT SHE OBVIOUSLY DID ZERO RESEARCH INTO SEXXY SEX STUFF AND LIKE ANY BDSM AT ALLL OMG SHES THE WOOORSSSTTTT.

So Molly ahd to get out of bed on a [day] morning to get the door.

"Ohai" she said, as an appropriate greeting to a stranger at the door.

"Uhmm, hi?" the dude said, "Are you Molly [lastname? Too lazy to check it it's literally over in that lil tab but nope. Lastname it is]?"

"Uhmmuhuuhhh" molly nodded.

"Kay, cool cool. So you gotta sign here," he said, and finagled a doohicky into her hands and she was all whuuuhhh so he like mimed it for her, which was rather tricksy for him as he was still holding a rather unweildly package. So then she figured it out and signed the thing. She outstretched her hands to accept the package.

"ARight coo. So I've been paid like an insane amount to set this up for you. Can I come in and sit this down somewhere?"

"K" molly said, and sleepily led him to the living room couch and table thing.

"K, so first you take it out of the box. Then you take this cord, and this end goes in the wall socket, and this end goes in this lil hole in the computer, kay?" he said, putting the cord where he instructed, making sure she was paying attention.

"Got it," she said. And she did. This wasn't rokcet science or like science at all, she thought. She thought wrong. Everyhting is scienscs. Everything.

"Kay, then this button turns it on. Now we wait for it to power on. Btw, this is like a six thousand terabyte MacBook Pro and has like two thousand metagigs of ram and also rom."

"Oh wow"

"no u dont get it. this is literally impossible. wow. he told me u were dim."

"SOZ UR MUM"

"WOW RUDE. I WAS JUST BEING NICE. GAWD. HERE ITS ON. HERE IS HOW TO EMAIL. GOD. WOW. SO NOT WORTH THE THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS I GOT PAID FOR THIS. I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE BEEN SO INSULTED BY ANY HUMAN BEING EVER. WOW. GOOD DAY"

"BUT - "

"I SAID GOOD DAY!!!!" HE SAID AND SLAMEMD THE DOOR, "whatta bunch of freaks" he muttered to himself as he left. No amount of money in the world was worth doing house calls. Never again. Bye bye geek squad, he was going back to kitchen staff at dennys.

Wow, molly thought, but didn't really do anything because she noticed a lil red dot with a lil white 1 on her screen. What are this? She thought. What do? She thought. So she clicked it. WORDS APPEARED LIKE MAGIC. WHAT WAS THIS? WOW. IT SAID FROM: MAXWELL NOT A SEX FREAK STANTON WOW. AND THE DATE AND TIME WAS THERE TOO BUT WHO THE FUCK IS GONNA TYPE THAT OUT EVERYTIME? CHUMPS, THATS WHO. I AINT NO CHUMP SO I GUESS YOURE JUST GONNA HAVE TO WONDER IF HIS MESSAGE WAS SENT AT 8:56:08AM OR LIKE 8:55:34AM. I'M SURE THIS WILL BOTHER YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS, HOW YOU DON'T KNOW THIS SUPER IMPORTANT DETAIL.

OH AND ALSO SUBJECT LINES?? YAH NO. WHO USES SUBJECT LINES? WHEN EMAILING UR BROS? NO ONE. YOU USE SOMETHING TO START THE CONVO, THEN IT JUST BECOMES RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: E: RE: RE : RE: ERE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: AND U JUST LEAVE IT. CUZ NO ONE CARES. NO ONE READS THE SUBJECT LINES. NOT FOR CASUAL EMAILS

OH AND LIKE WHO EVEN EMAILS? IS IT 2003?? NO. IT'S NOT. FACEBOOK MSG IF UR LAME OR LIKE TWITTER OR TUMBLR OR LIKE YOU KNOW WHAT?? CHRISTIAN GREY WOULD TOTALLY BE SNAPCHATTING. HE WOULDN'T DO JUST LIKE DICK PICS THOUGH, IT'D BE LIKE "@ HOME DEPOT LOL TXT IT" WITH LIKE HIMS SUGGESTIVELY POSING WITH ROPE. WHO TOOK THE PIC?? PROBABLY BODYGAURD DUDE. POOR GUY. PUTS UP WITH A LOT. Oh god what. What is happening. What what what is going on.

She saw his email and read it with the eyes in her face. He was talkin about seeing her on wednesday and like how awesome this computer was. Molly replied with yes computer make light and soud boop boop and email is like magic wooww. Maxwell was all did you get ur degree from caveman university? Srsly? I cant believe I had to set up an email for you. I was just planning on secretly finding your email and just messaging you out of the blue but noooo I had to do wooork and create an email addreesss I hope u liek it.

Molly: slave4usexxxysub69@yahoo.com thats really long like a lot of letters, I'll have to like copy it into my resume.

Maxwell: MOLLY NOO- actually yah do that. I don't want anyone to hire you I dont approve of. So, any q's about the c? How bad u want the d? y?

Molly: ???

Maxwell: ugghhh liek did u read the contract?

Molly: Yes

Maxwell: okay got any questions

Molly: yah

Maxwell: then aSK THEM

Molly: oh ok. Uhmm what are like ropes?

Maxwell: you - you literally sold me some like yesterday. you know what ropes are. right?

Molly: oh maybe. ok.

 

 

Maxwell: ok well this was a good waste of a board meeting. Ttyl

Molly: whut

Maxwell didn't reply. So Molly decided to go to work. Melvin texted her so she agreed to go out for coffe with him on her break. Cuz why not. So at exactly 2:18 pm, Molly took her break and met Melvin at a coffee shop about fifteen minutes away. Why not.

"Sorry I hit on you"

"Ya ok"

"We cool"

"Ya"

And then they were friends again. And drank coffee or coffe like substances.

After work, she went home and looked at her computer. It was still on c uz the guy hadn't shown her how to turn it off. A message from Maxwell was waiting, and butterflies filled her stomach at the sight of his name. Or maybe they were moths? Mosquitoes? Something fluttery and vaguel ominous anyway. YAY so she opened the email

Maxwell: blah blah innuendo blah blah sexy sex blah blah contract blah blah blah sex.

Molly: blah blah swoon blah blah blah sexx?? Blah blah bad flirting blah blah blah

Maxwell: Here's how to use google.

Molly: I like Bing

Maxwell: I want a divorce

Molly: bIIIIIIIIIIng

Maxwell: thank god ur good at sex

Molly: blush.

Maxwell: go the fuck to sleep

Molly: mkay

But molly did not sleep. She went to bing and googled bdsm. She did not know how safe search works. Or how searching worked. Idk. She saw stuff. Just like the exact stuff she needed to see. Nothing like goatse or anything like crazy out there, and nothing completely irrelevant to the topic at hand. She got like perfect results. And she didn't like it.


	13. chapter 12

Chapter 12?

 

So the next day, Molly was so freaked out she was driven to physical exercise. She went for a morning run. To think some thinky things. As that was what ppl who had to think did. They did the run thing. In the sun. Outside. Morning. Exercise. Yes? Unfortunately, she was not so good at the multitasking thing and couldn't manage to run and think at the same time cuz she could only thin kabout trying not to trip or fall over and were her shoes on right? How did you know your shoes were on right? Did she spend enough money on this stuff? Should she have made Serena buy her stuff? Serena was pretty fit. But was also hella lazy. Did serena do the running thing? No, she was sleeping right now. She always slept in. No morning runs for her. Maybe morning running didn't make you blonde? Molly had to reconsider a lot. So it was an hour later when she returned home and had done no thinking at all related to Maxwell and the contract. She had just thought about how not blonde she was and not hella rollin in dolal dolla bills but was rather not that at all. So that was no good.

When she got home, she showered cuz she was gross and sat down in front of her computer. Maybe, cuz she wasn't gorgeous, she could be funny instead? Yes. Boys liked funny girls. She will send Maxwell a funny message

Molly: lolollol nope not happenin byyee!! See ya never!! BYE FELICIA [/totes relevant meme]

Lolol she was so funny!!

 

Ahahah yes. This was so funny. Such a funny thing. OH GOD WHAT IF HE DOESN'T THINK ITS FUNNY?!?!!?!?!? No it was funny tho. So funny. Hahahaha. Such a funny joookee. Soo funny. OH GOD WHAT IF HE DOESNT THINK ITS FUNNY!?!?!?!??!?!?!? No its funny like super funny. Haha neva wanna see you again WHAT IF HE HATES ME 5EVER?!!!?!?!?!?!??!? No its funny soo so funny like the funniest msg ever sent ever zoo vooox a whoops hands in wrong spot sooo goood NOO WORST. IDEA. EVER. EVVEERRRRRRRR no p. sure this is the funniest joke ever concieved ever.

Okay but then, possibly hours later? Molly looked up and Maxwell was like right there. Like, in her room. In her house. In her room. Totally resonable. This is a thing that happens. Totes. Normal. THIS HAPPENS OKAY. YOU TELL YOUR NOT BOYFRIEND LOL BYE AND HE JUST ~~APPEARS~~ IN YOUR BEDROOM. NOR. MAL.

"TIME TO

yah no.

 

"So, you wamma meet my exes? And like, y'know, girl talk this out?"

"Whut no?"

"Wow jealous much?"

"What?"

"wooooww your so jealous!"

"Cuz I don't wanna hang out with ur exes??"

"Bitches be crazy yo"

"Ok u need to leave"

"K, b ut I'm gonna make out with you so hard first." He said, and then he totally made out with her so hard. "Wat u do 2 me babe?"

Then he left.

She just started crying because srsly how? What? Cuz like he's super hot? But weird as fuck? But hootttt???? Just gotta cry that out brah.

She cried enough that Serena came into her room.

"Oh hey. Crying. Sup."

Molly cried.

"Okaaaayyy. Is it cuz boy?"

Molly cried in the affirmative.

"Oh. Well. He has issues probably. Like, commitment issues? Issues that aren't your fault, right?"

Molly cried, slightly consoled.

"Okay cool. Btw, you left your phone in the kitchen KEEP UR PHONE ON U GIRL THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT OF A CELL PHONE and ur mom called and can't make grad. Your stepdad is like seriously injured?"

"BOB IS DEAD?" Molly wailed.

"No, what? Jim. Jim is the guy your mom is married to."

Molly went back to crying. Serena backed away slowly. She had done all she could.

Tears in her eyes, Molly decided to like go back to talking to Maxwell. Cuz when u have a problem with a dude you need to think about the best thing to do is to go fill more of ur headspace with this dude. That'll help. Totes helpful. So she went through the contract with a highlighter, and like highlighted a lot of stuff at random basically, then sent Maxwell a email containing the subject "no" and the body was just a bulleted list of stuff. Some o fit was from the contract, some of it was just like "bananas on toast" or "mismatched socks" so you know good on her for that initiative. Maxwell replied with like "lol but yeeesss?" and so molly just got really confused and went to bed. Confused.


	14. chapter 13

Cahpter e13

 

"hii moommm" molly said on the phone that she had found after Serena had unrelatedly thrown at her face yelling at her to call her mom about her broken step-dad.

"Molly! Where have you been?? I've been trying to get ahold of you all day!"

"I gotsted a new computer"

"Why? What happened to the one Jim and I got you when you started university?"\

"You got me a computer?"

"Is that why you haven't been replying to our emails?"

"E what now?"

"Molllyyy," she groaned, exasperated beyond belief. What had she done to deserve this child? Was she Hitler in a previous life? Was she worse than Hitler?? "I just wanted to talk to you about not being able to make your graduation."

"So?"

"Molly! This is a big deal! And I'm very upset that I won't be there for you!"

"o"

"Dont you want to know how Jim is doing?"

"no"

"He's in a freaking coma, Molly."

"s'okay. Bob is gonna come."

"Bob? Bob who?"

"My step-dad"

"Whatt? Wait, that Bob?! [talking to molly is just one big interrobang] How are you still in contact with him?"

"Bob comes to all my things. He's great."

"Bob was a goddamn disaster. The next time I see you I'm taking you to a shrink."

"Tooo laaattteee. Byeeee mooomm!" Molly said and hung up. Moms, amiright?

Being Molly, she then emailed Maxwell cuz what else was she gonna do with her time? Soemthing reasonable? Something not emotionally draining and debilitating? No. Talk to the crazy guy. That's fine. Do that.

THIS IS ALL SO NECESSARY. So they decide that yes they are gonna meet up tomorrw at time and place. And he's all "I'll pick you up!" and she's all "no thx i have car" and he's all "I WILL LEAVE THE PLACE I AM STAYING TO GO TO UR PLACE TO BRING U BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE I AM STAYING. THIS MAKES SENSE" and she's all "no thats dumb think of the economy. Also I need an ESCAPE ROUTE cuz u r TERRIFYING thunder" ad he's all "ugh fine. Ur an indepentant woman and I resepct that." THE END/

So then she called bob.

"Hiii bob!"

He grunted.

"Can't wait to seee uu at grsaaaasdddddd"

He grunted

"Looveee uuuu byeeeee"

He grunted

 

These were all very necessary and productive communications. Both for plot and character. Aren't you glad this was included? You all learned so much by reading this. So much important stuff happened. Totally worth writing this all out. Totally.

 

Serena and Molly then did some more "packing" (ie, eating chips and watching cartoons. ADULTING) before going to bed.

 

 

The next day Molly went to work becaus ethat is an interesting thing to happen that ppl want to read about. So she went to work and Some Dude showed up and was like pretty cool and normal. Very Standard Dude (Standard was Some's slightly less frat, slightly more responsible older brother). Definitely dateable. Just like a Good Guy (Good Guy was Some Dude's cousin. He was in his thirties, married, had one lil kid who wasn't a douchebag. Or, at least, like one of the less douchey kids. Good Guy was a good dad.)

And so Some dude was all "Hey Molly! Uhmm, just to be clear, I kinda want to date you for reasons unbeknownst to the reader or author. Will you date me?"

"What no? I'm dating Maxwell Stanton. WEll, dating may be a bit strong. We're still in the contractual negotions stage, so like idk if we're actually dating yhet. But I'vwe put a lot of paperwork into this and I don't want to abandon it so early."

"Contractual . . . Negotiations?"

"Uhh yah. How else are you gonna figure out what sexs stuf fis okay?"

"Uhhh talking?"

"Lol whut no"

"Uhmm alright then. I guess. See you around? ?"

"Kthxbai"

 

So that happened.

 

So then later she drove her crappy lil car to where Maxwell Stanton was all up in nad met him in like the bar area place. Yes. For the drinky drinks. Of sexxiness. No sex on the beach tho, too classy for that. They went for classy booze. Like wine. And french stuff. Yah. Sexxi. Drinky. Booze. Bar. Place. Happening. So they meet up at the bar and whatever and Maxwell is all *smoulders* and Molly is all *swoons* Molly is uncertain about how to get through the evening without abandoning all her standards and reservations and just banging him right there

 

 

 

on the bar in front of all the ppl. I mean, she wouldn't, but like sex the odds of sex stuff happenin just skyrocketed. Just from on elook. Thats how this works. Molly knew, without a doubt, that if she was alone in a room with him. Sex stuff.

"So, let's take this somewhere more private," he insinuated, lounging against the bar sensuously.

"Nooooooo" molly said.

"Oh my god what now"

"Uhmm, I dont wanna sex u? Cuz I want to negotiate? Contract stuff? I cant negotiate nekkid thats against my religion. And like most religions."

"Calm ur tits bro, we'er just gonna go to this private room that is completely secluded from the rest of the resaurant. That's obviously more like a public place than like a private sex-having place, and therefore no sex wil lhappen there. UNLEESSS U CNA HAVE SEX IN PUBLIC PLACES?? OH MY GOD. NEW FETISH RIGHT HERE. PUBLIC PLACE SEX. COPYRIGHT TRADEMARK MAXWELL STANTON, NEGAVERSE ENERGY STUFF CORP LLC RIGHTS RESERVED"

"No"

"K, lets go eat."

So they went into the sexy private room all sexy like and the waiter came and poured them sexy french juice.

"WE eill take one of every sexxy thing on the menu. Even though we agreed on no sex. Bring anything that has ever been alluded to being an aphrodisiac. On platters. Sexxxyii silver platters o fsex food for all the sex we will not be having this evening. See how cool I am with the not sex thing Molly? SEE HOW COOL I AM WITHOUT SEX?!?!?!"

"WOOW soo cool," Molly swooned, not a trace of irony within her.

"Awesome"

"Awesome"

"K so you wanted to not do sex stuff, but instead talk? About the totally reasonable and legal contract."

"Yah dude I googled that it aint enforceable worth shit"

"Uhh duh! Why would you think it was? Hahahha silly molly. This is just to outline the paramaters of sex stuff and also the rest of ur life stuff. And, while not enforceble in a 'court of law' 'technically', it's still enforcebale IN MY HEART and if you break it you BREAK MY HEART and I will never ever ever speak to you again and possibly send ninjas after you to ensure that no dick will go wehere my dick has been. IT'S IN THE CONTRACT so it can happen. Legally. "

"Uhmmm kay."

"So, you know, walk away if you want little Molly. Walk away from the sex stuff. But then you will never be able to look upon my sexxy sexxy face again. I will block my face on ur google account. You will never be able to see me again. But you know, this is all very open, loose, you know, chill. You can leave, no prob, but there WILL BE [BLOOD] CONSEQUENCES"

"Oh man, that's like a lot. Idk. I like you, like, like like you, but like sex?? Man idk"

"Do you trust me?" he asked. "Cuz I CAN SHOW U THE WOORRRLDDD SHINING SHIMMERING SEXXX DUNGEON TELL ME MOLLY NOW WHEN DID YOU LAST LET MY DICK DECIDE?????"

"Kaaayyy"

"K, then trust I'll go easy on you. With all the sex stuff.cuz ur like a baby. NOT A SEX BABY THAT IS ILLEGAL AND IN LIKE THE LAW FORBIDS IT KIND OF ILLEGAL. I AM NOT INTO SEX BABIES. But im into you and when you display baby like characteristics its like extra hot BUT BABIES DONT HAVE SEX so its cool. I know the law."

"Wow ur good at flirting"

"Thats not all I'm good at"

"Heh sex"

"The hammer is my penis"

"What"

"Sorry skipped the set up for that one. Btu yes. Sex"

"Ugghh omg I should go"

"But whyy?!?!"

"Bcuz I dont wanna sex stuff right now! And if I stay, we will def sex stuff!"

"Oh ok if u insist"

He got up and gave her a hug like so sexxy like. You know voldemort? In DH2? Huggin Draco? Yeah. Super sexy right? Thats how this went down.

"U'll be my fave death eater if u stay and sex me hard tonight"

"No can do babes"

"Arrghhh! He said, frustratedly, with frustrations and also thunder.

But he let her walk away. This time. But then followed her to the valet because she's pretty dumb and he had to make sure that she knew like wehre the valet was and how valets worked and that she had her ticket thing and if she didn't he would have to bully the poor lil valet dude into getting her car and being very heroic and it was all he wanted. So he followed her as she walked away. He had to point to her pocket and tell her to fish out the damn ticket and she did and then he took it from her hands and gace it to the valet dude (no relation to Some Dude) who went and brought her car around.

"What. Thefuck. Is that??" Maxwell said.

"Umm my car?"

"That is just a pile of garbage crap. That is not a car"

"Uhmm well it drives on roads and the cops haven't pulled me over for it so I guess it probably is a car."

"Np=o. As always. Ur wrong. That is not a car. That is a very dangerous attempt at a machine that will kill you faster than a terminator or like skynet or something [idk iv'e only seen terminator 2 and only once and am still kinda shaky on the whole terminator thing? Got distracted cheering for porr good cop. All he wanted was to be a good cop! If he got rid of this one annoying lil kid for the furture people, he'd be allowed to stay in the past and be a cop. And he'd be a damn good cop. He'd wear a helmet while motorcycling and he'd wear cool sunglasses to protect his cop eyes and he'd maybe one day get to settle down with a nice girl, and they'd get some kids. Adopted, of course, as he is still a robot and therefore incapable of the normal baby making parts. But he'd be a good dad, just like he'd be a good cop! But that damn kid just wouldn't die!! Poorr good cop. :( ] that is a DEATH TRAP and I am PERSONALLY OFFENDED by it"

"No dude its fine"

"No dude its NOT fine!! That thing will kill you! Then who will I be able to convince to do sex stuff with me?!?! Do you know how hard it is to find a dumb, of age, legal girl who is so dumb she doesn't even have an email adress?? In this day and age?!?! And you can't just say like go to ethiopia and pick up a chick there because there are different standards for places without reliable internet. You have no such excuse and are therefore dumb, either ignorantly or willfully, and therefore perfect for sex stuff. YOU CAN'T DIEEE?!!!"

"No dude its fine. Imma go now. Bye" she said, and got into her crappy lil car and drove away.

 

When she got home, of course, there was an email from Maxwell waiting OH MY GOD WHAT A SURPRISE WHEN WASN'T THERE AN EMAIL FROM MAXWELL WAITING?!?!? PRETTY SURE HE SPENDS LIKE 90% OF HIS TIME JUST EMAILING HER AND THE OTHER 10% JUST WAITING THUNDEROUSLY FOR HER TO EMAIL HIM BACK WHAT A FREAKING LOSER GET A LIFE DUDE!!! Anyhow the email is basically him, again, saying pls pls pls pls do sex stuff with me pls ur pretty pls I want this to work without having to give up anything myself but as long as u give up everything this'll be great pls sex.

She got emotions again, so started crying again, so went to bed crying. Again.

 

 


	15. chapter 14

Chapter 14

 

Proving once and for all the complete disconnect between the conscious and the subconscious, Molly had a sexxy dream about Maxwell. They were in his sex room, and she was nekkid, as one often is when sex stuff is about to occur. So she did some thinking. She was in a sex room with a sexxy dude all ready to have sex stuff happen to her. Aww yiss. But wati! He had a hitty thing! Oh noes! What was he going to do with a hitty thing?? Hitty things are bad, right? It's bad to get hit? Right? Getting hit is bad. Okay. Glad this got cleared up. Great. BUT then he advanced on her looking all sexy. What? How can sexy look go with bad hitty thing?? This was all so confusing. But hten he hit her with the hitty thing. But not like on her hand or arms or face or legs or stomach. Nope. He hit her right down there. Just like right all up in her bisness. And she liked it. She reaaallly liked it. He hit her again. And maybe a third time. And yeah. Oh hot damn. That was the stuff. It was such good stuff that she woke right up.

And immediately felt just pure guilt for liking the stuff. Now she was even more confused. Nothing good had come of ever meeting Maxwell Stanton. Except the choppy chop. That was probably the only good thing. She should really consider redirecting her ability to attract rich dudes to find someone with a choppy chopp who was less scary and controlling. That would be smart. But Molly was not smart. Everyone knew this. All the smarts from Serena's childhood bff's had gone to Melvin. That was the way of the world. Some people were smart. Some were pretty. Some were badass. Some were inexplicably from brooklyn. Molly had wound up the latter, and did her best to do the best she could with what little she was given. She was really good at that. She was probably the best inexplicable brooklynite in all the world!

Still wasn't blonde though.

So, to fuel her self loathing, she went out to the kitchen where Serena was making breakfast. Breakfast being a bowl of lucky charms with extra marshmallows. Did you know you can buy just the marshmallow parts online? Serena did. But at least one of her friends had forced her to not eat just the marshmallows for breakfast, but instead mix them in with the cereal bits so she could at least pretend she was doing something healthy. Ish. Oky, just doing something not completely unhealthy. She got some grains in this way. And sometimes, that was the best you can ask for.

Molly poured a bowl of just marshmallows.

"How'd things go with Maxwell last night? Did you dump him? Did his thousands of issues make him dump you?"

"Uh, no. Things went fine. We ate many foodstuffs and it was classy and nice. And it was good. STOP ASKING QUESTIONS guuaahhhhhhsdddd okay so how about ??? Weren't you doing like a uhh speach? Or something? For grad? Why don't you practice that at me? Right? That's a thing? To do? For you? So u stop questioning me? Yes? Yes. Do that."

"Oh! Okay Molly! I've been really worrying about this!" serena said, and pulled out her computer "I still have to print off a copy but here goes! blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"

Molly wasn't listening. She was thinking about Maxwell. Oh, Maxwell. So sexy. So ~dangerous~. He was a lot of things. But did she really want to do weird sex stuff? Or did she want to be deprived of his existance for ever? This was such a quandry. And definitely not something that was tiring to read about over and over again basically every chapter. Nope. Such a super interesting and complex dilemma for a character to have. Very interesting and deep. Weird sex vs no sex. The great question that every human must ask of themselves at one point or another. Definitlely worht days of debate and self doubt. Definitely interesting. Totes good stuff to read. Totes good.

" . . . . And in the name of the moon, I will punish you!!" Serena concluded, "So what do you think Molly? Is that good?"

"Huh., yeah. Totes awesome Serena. YOure definitely gonna win that speech contest thing."

" ???? Kay… ??? Molly ur so . . . Silly?"

K cool and then they go to grad!!!!11!!!! Bob was there. He found the donuts and was reasonably content. Maxwell was also there. He avoided eye contact. Why? MIND GAMES, THAT'S WHY! So Serena and Molly sat with the other grads, but not next to each other because they sat alphabetically probably and their last names probably start with different letters and they probably have a big class so they were miles apart [figuratively. I know what this story is like so I feel I have to clarify here that the graduation ceremony did not literally take up miles of space. They were likely several feet from each other, well out of range for sneaky conversation during boring speeches, but close enough to see each other if there weren't people in the way. I'm not drawing up a seating chart for this]

Anyhow, then Maxwell did a speech! Molly was surprised that he hadn't told her this, and also angry that he didn't spend the whole speech looking at her with complete and total admiration in his eyes. This was really disappointing not-boyfriend actions right here! God. So disappoointing. [lol poo]

"I am Maxwell Stanton, blah blah blah for Negaverse blah blah blah. Todya, you blah blah blah and I am here to blah blah blah blah. You should all blah blah blah blah because I've been poor blah blah blah and hungry beyond be blah blah blah so blah blah blah and blah blah blah The end!!"

Wow he had been hungry?? Maybe??? Molly hadn't been listenign. But this was definite proof that Maxwell Stanton had had a life before she met him. Crazy how people sometimes did that, right? Existing wtihout knowing you. Just weird. It shouldn't happen. But it does. Popel sometimes exist indepentandtly of yourself. And that's just odd. Molly didn't like it. It made her feel weird. Like she wasn't the center of the universe, whereas she knew she had to be. It was the only way the world made sense, if she was in the middle of it. Adn that's how she liked things

She was still thinking this lovely little selfish circle thoughts when her name came up to get her diploma. How she managed to get one was beyond anyone's comprehension, so the cheers came extra loud when her name was called. She shook hands with some randoms before she got to shake hands with Maxwell. Apparantly, if you give a speach at the university, you get to shake hands with a lot of people. Speech giving must be a great way to make friends! Or just collect germs. If ur a germ collector, you should go into speech giving! Speeches about germs! No way that'd freak ppl out!! Yaaayyyy!!

"U didn't answer my emails," maxwell said as he shook her hand.

"What? Umm aren't we being incognito about this whole relationship thing? Why are you talking to me? Ur just supposed to stare at me from afar? We're supposed to talk late,r at midning, in the garden!"

"What garden?"

"Whoops time to go byeeeee" she said, as the line backed up behind them. Moral of the story - don't try to have complicated drawn out conversations with people when there's a line fo people behind them who ur supposed to be shaking hands with. This ain't church buddy, these ppl wanna get home! And drink! Cuz this ain't church and drinking is legal to god on not-sundays!! YOU CAN LOOK THAT UP IN THE BIBLE [ I have a veggie tales bible if u wanna borrow it and look up the bible laws on drinking on every day except sunday they're there they're real ok? Ok]

After the diploma handing and speech giving and handshaking portion of the dya, it's time to mingle with the fam! Yay! Isnt' this jsut the best part of graduating? Ur familie's all there and ppl are crying and u just wanna go home and get wasted. HAPPY THANKSGIVING MURICA.

So Molly found Bob over by the refreshment table.

"Oh Bob this is all so exciting, isn't it?" she asked.

Bob grunted.

"I'm so sad my mom couldn't be here to fall back in love with you and bring everything in my life back to a time when things were perfect"

Bob grunted.

"Yup. Magical"

And them Maxwell showed up

"Sup" he said.

"Oh Maxwell!" Molly said, surprised that he would be all up in here after wanting to keep this on the dl. A+ secrecy all up in here yo.

Bob grunted.

"Uh, Bob, this is a uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh friend! Maxwell Stanton! Friend?" Maxwell nodded at the label, thank god.

"Pleased to meet you, sir. Molly's told me so much about you. You've done good at keeping up with ur taxes," he said, not creepy at all.

Bob grunted.

"AHAHAH THIS IS ALL SO GREAT AND NOT AWKWARD AT ALL WE SHOULD ALL GO OUT FOR DINNER"

"That would be lovely," Maxwell said.

Bob grunted.

"AHAHH SERIOUSLY NEITHER OF YOU SAID NO OH OKAY THIS IS HAPPENEING I GUESS OH MY GOD KILL ME NOW THIS IS THE WORST THIS SITUATION CAN POSSIBLY BE"

Then Serena came up with her lil bro.

"Oh hey Molly, Hi Molly's mom's ex-boyfriend Bob, Hi Molly's new boyfriend Maxwell"

"OH MY GOD SERENS"

"Whut"

"Heeeyy MOLLY" Serena's brother said obnoxiously and hugged Molly. I'm not going to look up his name because it's irreleavent he's just a lil annoying douchbag lil bro stereotype and not important at all. I''m pretty sure he gets phased out even befoer Molly and Melvin do THAT'S HOW USELESS HE IS.

"MOLLY ANOTHER MALE IS TOUCHING YOU. I AM SUDDENELY FULL OF AFFECTION. COME INTO MY ARMS AND WE SHALL KISS AND HUG LIKE A NORMAL LOVING COUPLE. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A SUDDEN SURGE OF JEALOUSY. COME."

"Oh okay!" Molly said, super stoked that Maxwell was paying her attention in public [always a good sign for a relationship] and practically tackled him to get the physical affection she craves.

Serena pulls her off to the side.

"Wtf was that serena??" Molly demanded.

"Look, I just wanted to see what he'd do. Also, it was weird that neither of you admitted yet that ur boyfriend girlfriend. Is this the sixth grade or something? Y'all need to man up and accept the labels u r given. Or just break up u know whatevers good 4 u"

"Whatevs Serena," Molly said, and returned to Maxwell.

"Btw dude," she whispered to him, in a lame ass attempt to not be overheard. "Sex stuff whatever, I'll trust u on mabye. But I want mroe than that. I want hugs in front of my parents. Dates in public."

"What that's weird I dont get it"

"Well thats what I want. But I'll try ur stuff too."

"HELLS YES" he whispered.

"Cool. Now I gotta go for lunch with Bob. He gets grunty when he's hungry."

"Kk"

"K cool"

Then Molly and Bob went to lunch yum yum yum.

 

Eventually, cuz who knows how time passes, Molly gets home. For literally the first time all day, she goes to check her phone. Cuz that's plausible. And she found like 200 texts, 80 missed calls, and when she checked her computer there was like 100 unread emails.

All from Maxwell.

The first few were harassing her about whether or not she survived the trip home in her deathtrap of a car, and the rest were just general harassment. So yay!

She replied reassuring him that, as he had seen her earlier, she had not, in fact, died. He wanted to talk more contracty stuff and decided to come over and talk about it. And Molly sort of let him. Cuz why not! She had already begun going down the dark dark road of surrendering all of her free will to some dude (not Some Dude tho) that she met like a week ago. Just ur typical story really. But she was prepared to make one last stand. She was giving back the books. Because it didn't matter whether or not she signed the contract. Books are for nerds and she didn't need that nonsense.


	16. chapter 15 thats where im at now. Fifteen. Over halfway babes. Im tired. Theres no velociraptors been sighted today in the chat room and I am sad. Why has timmy betrayed us? Has he gone blind? To not see the velociraptors that were once so plentiful ...

chapter 15 thats where im at now. Fifteen. Over halfway babes. Im tired. Theres no velociraptors been sighted today in the chat room and I am sad. Why has timmy betrayed us? Has he gone blind? To not see the velociraptors that were once so plentiful around these parts? Woe, woe to us who are velociraptorless. Who once had so much, only to have it all be torn away. Our velociraptors were fierce. They were strong. They had many kills, mostly against the MLs, sure, but kills nonetheless. Woe to us who can no longer see what we had. Our swarm is small, and not even Rudolph dares to go on the offensive. Our dead now outnumber those we have slain, and we are left wondering - are our borders protected? With such low numbers, how shall we keep our velociraptors safe? Their numbers are dwindling, being picked off in ones and twos rather than freeing themselves in battle, as was their custom. There is no honour in this life. There is no honour in being killed off without cause or provocation. When we cannot go on the offensive, when we cannot raise our numbers, what can we do? Rage, rage against the dying of the light. We must not go gentle into that terrible night. We must devise a way to keep our velociraptors safe and happy. We have only just begun to study their culture, we still understand so little. We must help them. We must, but there is not much we can do. As ever, so much relies on Timmy. Timmy, who is possibly older than the ages, who makes less sense than reason, who is prone to unprovoked violence on innocent bystanders. What can he do for us? What can he do to help? We cannot convince him of such things. He is beyond learning. !learn was not part of his training. !sendaid !pleasedosomething !anything were not part of his training. !train was not part of his training. What can a god with no compassion do to help a dying species? What can any of us do? The future is murky, but this is certain: there are no velociraptor sightings in #sasknano on November 24th.

 

 

So Maxwel showed up and Molly decided to pull out all the stops [pull up? Go all out? That sounds wrong…] and brought out some classsy as eff wine. Like, it cost like 8 bucks. Classy. And she used teacups. Classy ppl drank tea and used tea cups - not mugs, like heathens. So classy wine and classy tea cups so it was super classy to mix those two together. Everything was great. Maxwell was thunderous, Molly was meek. All in all, a good start ot the evening. [i am too tired to do good stuff so like its just gonna be summarising all up in here. Dialog is hard. There's too much punctuation involved. I dont like it.] So they went back to her room cuzz sexxi and drank their wine from their tea cups and it was nice. She was all 'um stop buyin me junk mkay? Makes me feel like a hoor.' And hes all 'um but it makes me feel good to buy you things and my feelings trump urs so thats just how were gonna keep doing things mkay? Be te dubs, I got u a car for grad. Its for grad, so its not weird or anything. This is a perfectly reasonable time to get u a gift so that's what I did. U should be grateful. And all ur emotions from now on should be xpressed by sexxin me mkay? Mkay."

'Buuut it makes me feel cheap'

'Aww babes. If u feel cheap thats just cuz ur easy to buy. Now shush ur pretty lil mouth and use that for other things.'

'Other things'

'Yah sex things'

'Oh but I thought no more sex stuff until we sorted out all the contracty stuff'

'Damn u molly. Not only r u cute, but u know my one weakness. The only thing I like more than weird sex stuff is weird contracty stuff.'

'K so I was like thinking I dont like the whole punishment thing cuz it gives me flashbacks to when I was five and got in trouble for stealing glitter. That was the only time ive ever been punished. I did not like it'

'Hmm I heare u I hear u. But, counterpoint, punishment is like the whole point? So we cant really not do that now can we? It's not bdsm without bdspunishment. You can look that up.'

'Well oky. But like sex toys? What r they?"

"Babe thats what googles for. Im much too busy to be google for u.'

'Okay but then like what about the relationshipy stuff I want?"

'K so I was thining and like how about - no?"

'Non negotiable'

'Oh wow molly babes im so proud of u whered u learn that word? K, just for that imma keep my word and do not sex stuff with u'

'K prove it give me an example of a non sex thing u'll do with me'

'Hmm k wow was not expecting this question. Wow. Thats a thinker isnt it? Hmm well I'll have to think about that one. So in exchange for thinking about it, how about u accept the awsome car I bought u?'

'Oh okay that sounds fair'

'Awesome, we r so good at negotiating.'

'Yay!'

'Ok so sex stuff now?'

"Uhmm idk I still kinda want to have some sort of belief that I have power…?"

'Oh ok that's easy. U can be on top. That automatically means u have all the sex power. Totally. Its completely impossible for me to be controlling when I'm beneath u. It's like jedi's - gotta have the high ground. Thats how sex works. Yup. This is all science. Google it.'

'Kay awesome'

They they had awsome sex where Molly was on top and therefore had all the power cuz thats how sex wroks. Look it up. The tallest person in a relationship is the Man and has the Power. That's trufax. Then they went to sleep cuz that's what happens after sexytiems.

 


	17. chapter 16

Chapter 16

 

When she woke, Molly was all "oooh abs" and like they weren't even glittering or anything so like I dont see how that's impressive?? Like, who even cares about abs that don't glitter. Kesha would be so dissapointed in you. In ALL OF YOU. ONLY APPRECIATE GLITTERING ABS. DO KESHA PROUD. AND LITERAL GLITTER TOO. NOT JUST LIKE A METAPHOR FOR SWEAT. THAT'S GROSS. LITERAL GLITTER. ON ABS. OR BUILT INTO THE ABS. UP TO YOU AND HOW CONTAGIOUS YOU LIKE UR GLITTER. So she reached out to touch his not glittering abs and -

"WHJAT THE AHEALLL DO OUYOE THISNKY YOU R DOINNGAAHH???" MAXWELL SCREAMED AS HE ABRUBTLY WORKE UP AND JUST LIKE RAN OUT OF BED TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM.

"wow dude chill I just wanna touch ur abs. y u make this weird?"

"CUZ IM FIFTY SHADES OF CRAZY. GOD. LIKE 8 OF THOSE SHADES ARE CHILDHOOD TRAUMA AND LIKE 7 OF THEM ARE ABOUT NO TOUCHY. SO NO TOUCHY. AND NO TALKY. GOD. I'M LEAVING."

"Oh uh kaayayy?"

"AND GO GET SOME BIRTH CONTROL. CONDOMS ARE FOR AMATEURS. I WANNA BE ABLE TO GIVE U AN STD WITHOUT GIVIN U A LIL FIFTY SHADES OF CRYBABY."

"K"

"dammit u no that makes me so hot for u. TIME TO PUNISSHHH YAY!"

"say whut now?"

And then he just hit her. He hit her in the butt. He hit her in the butt 10 times.

"YAAAYYYYY" HE CACKLED "ENERGY! NEGAVERSE! ENERGY! NEGAVERSE! ENERGY NEGAVERSE NEGAVERSE ENERGY ENERGY FOR THE NEGAVERSE NEGAVERSE FOR ENERGY SILVER IMPERIUM CRYSTAL NEGAVERSE ENGERY WOO!" he cried, then he did it in her butt. Ish.

 

"K babes gotta go my boy toy is waitin outside so peeaaacceee out!"

And then he left.

Oh man and then Molly was all whaaaa? What jsut went down? Did she like it? Did she like like it? Did she just feel used and slutty? Or abs? Abs is an emotion now, one that is every relevant to the situation.

 

 

So Molly decided to call call call call her mom mom mom call her friends friends friends call them al all all call them ooooh oooh oooooooh oooh oooooooh oooh ooooh.

"Hi mom"

"Oh my god molly your boy problems are visible from sapce"

"What no what no boy problems"

"Jesus that's terrible. Ok, you're coming to the north - western - bering - sea."

"What why"

"Thats where I live molly. The north - western - bering - sea."

"What why?"

"IT'S NICE MOLLY. NOW SHUT UP AND VISIT YOUR MOTHER. THE DAMP AIR WILL DO YOU AND UR BOY TROUBLES GOOD."

[nope will not make a joke about molly being nope not doing it]

"I don't want to"

"OH MY GOD MOLLY THE ONE TIME YOU DONT WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM UR PROBLEMS JUST SUCK IT UP AND GET ON A PLANE I'M EMAILING U THE TICKETS"

"How do u know my email??"

"Mollly, u get an email for going to shcool. [cuz shcool is fhcool. Cool] Molly dot last name at school name dot e d u. Ur password is ur student number. We set this up on ur first day. Christ. Never mind. I'll set it up jsut show up and check in at the airline it'll be fine u'll probably make it to the north - western - bering - sea just fine. I have faith. Probably. Okay I may be planning ur funeral right now I own a lot of black I'd be good at mourning. Okay bye bye honey good luck!!"

"whut"

So that happened. So then Molly went out to the living room to like cry in her cheerios like a WUSS and she did that and then she got hungry so she ate the cheerios she was crying in and had to go all the way to the kitchen to pour more cheerios to cry in and it was all so arduous that she just cryied even moar. And that's how Serena found her. Curled up in a ball on the kitchen floor sobbing over a bowl of cheerios while also trying to move her head right so she would look properly sad and beautiful and lovely and all the tears would go directly into the cheerios. It was very difficult. It was a miracle that Serena didn't just slap her.

"Okay, let's start with no" serena said.

"No what?"

"No with all of this. Lets get some wine and ice cream and mope like adults for christ sake molly. Cheerios are for babies. Literal babies who can't even eat real food yet. That's just depressing. Go to the couch and sit down my god ur hopeless"

So molly went to the couch and sat down and serena poured them some wine in actual wine glasses cuz she wasn't a peasant [lol cuz shes a princess lol literally not a peasant lol] and got a surprisingly big tub of ice cream out of the freezer. Like, how'd that fit in there? We may never know. THANKS SCIENCE!!!

"Ok, you should probably break up with him," serena said as she handed the ice cream to molly, setting the wine glasses on the table.

"Who?"

"Your stupid rich not - boyfriend, that's who"

"What no thats dumb ur dumb u break up with ur boyfriend see how u feel"

"Pretty sure if I broke up wiht my boyfriend I'd feel better than u feel while ur not broken up with urs"

"Shut up"

"Break up with the crazy bastard"

"Make me"

"Dude his brother has some messed up stories about him, seriously"

"Make me"

 

 

 

"Shut uop"

"Whatever molly. Dump ur lame ass bf and come party with us we'll keep u rollin in the dudes man we'll hook u up darien knows some good peeps we'll hook u up brah no prob yah? Yah. We hook u up. We'll hook u up real good. Just let us know man, just let us know, and we'll get u a dude yeah some quality arm candy. We hook u up. We got this. We'll help u out brah cuz u our brah and we'll get u a dude real quick no prob man we can hook u up. We get u some a+ eye candy, danglin off ur arm aawww yiss u'll bee off da chaaiinn with our homey man. U r brah. We'll hook u up. Just like ditch this sad guy. And we'll get u set up. Well get u set up real good. Mah man darien? Yah u knoe. He got lotsa homies from back east yah. We'll hook u up wit one reall fine brah. We got this. We'll hook u up. We can get u someone nice, someone no cry. We'll get us set up nice no prob. Quick and easy. Nice guy, good family. He'll be goods for u yah. Mah man darien goes way back witht his guy yah. Yah. He good. U dump thjis guy and we'll hook u up. We can get u set up real nice. Like a nice place. This guy. This guy., this guy's got a like rent controlled place since his grandmammy died. Super sweet digs, mah man. We get u set up there no prob. We can get u there yesterday. Yah. Yah. Yah. Brah. We got u. We got u covered. U want a new man, we got connections. We got this. We can hook u up cuz u r bro. You r main bro, my main bro man. And I luhv yah. But this dude this dude no good for u. This is no good. No cheerio cryin. You come home wit me and my man, we can hook u up. We can hook u up real good. Theres this guy, nice job. Travels. U love this, yah? Yah brah. We hook u up. We hook u up no prob. We hook u up real good. Ahsahahah bro we not talkin bout hookin lol no no no! We set u up? Yah? Yah. We set u up wit someone real nice. Someone classy. U like classy yah? Yah bro. We hook u up wit all the class u want. We got dis. We hook u up. We can get u what u want yah brah yah. No more of dis sad nights. Just like nice. We got a guy. You know dis? Yah. He owrks in a candle store. Always nice lil fire. Nice smelling. U like nice smell yes? Yes. We hook u up with candles. U like candles. We get u set up real nice. Got a place above the candle store. U like no? Yes. Yah. We can hook u up. We got these connections see. We can help u out brah. All u need is ask. Just ??? and we'll hook u up with ur !!! And , right? U like dis yah! We can hook u up. Just say no to sadness and drugs. But if u want drugs man, I got a cuzin? Nah nah nah u dont want that. We get u a boy toy. Someone nice ya? Someone pretty ayh? U like em pretty I can tell. We hook u up. We got dis. We got u. Cuz u r bro yah? Bros hook each other up. So like if we wanted some uh quote un quote hardware supplies u could hook us up wit dat yah? Yah! Cus u r bro and thats how we do. We get u someone nice. We get u a wall street. Just a whole street of walls. Nah im jus messin bro. But we got connextions brah we hook u up with nice guy. We hook u up wit a harvard boy. U got dis, yah? Yah we got u bro. We can hook u up. We'l lhook u up wit whatever u want brah watever u want we got connections for. We got ties brah. Ties go way back. Different lives, man, different lives. We got ppl weherever. U wanna go to paris? I know a guy. I hook u up. I hook u up wit whatever u want. I lurve u bro and I make u happy, yes? What every u want u ask and I hook u up brah I hook u up.

 

"Uhhhh no?"

"oh my god u r impossible. whatevs. imma call my guy now then. tell him how UNAPPRECIATIVE you r of our VERY GENEROUS OFFER but whateve. whatever"

So Serena then stumbled out of the room to go like call Darien or whatever leaving Molly on her won. At what does Molly do when she's on her own? She emails her psycho maybe - kinda - sorta boyfriend who makes her cry.

Molly was all hey hi sup and Maxwell was all haay gurl hay imma sell ur car mkay?

\- wati what?

\- oh well not me. that's peasant work. imma get my asistant bodyguard driver ppperonal shopper etc to do it. he'll do good. get u a good price for ur piece of scrap.

\- oh wow thnx i feel like way less of a casual sex toy now.

\- WHY WOULD U SAY THAT

\- uhm dude u always hit it n quit it n i dont really like that? maybe? is abs an emotion?

then she got too overwhelbed by abs emotions or maybe other ones she's not really good at this yet so she just went back to crying only this time there were no cheerio to cry in and that makes things worse. also at some point she went back into her room maybe to get her computer to email cus she's like 80 and doesn't use her phone for emails for some reason. so she's just sittin ther crying and crying and then she hears the emotions of ppl outside her room. that is serena. serena is vocalising emotions. wow. that's a very loud emotions going on.

then BAM!

Maxwell was just standing in her room.

"Hey Molly I'll kick his ass 4 u i could do that and i would just say the word i'll kick his ass soo hard," Serena offered, still emotioning loudly.

"No it's fine. abs is def an emotion"

Serena left, but slowly, and glareily.

"so like y u mad at me????"

"dude i literally emailed u y??? like its all there. in writing.

"yah but liek what did i do??? i am the only one capable of giving u the feels so just tell me."

"QUIT TRYIN TO CHANGE ME BRO IM LIKE A BIRDD ILL ONLY FLY AWAYY"

"whaaaaa???? why would i wat to change u? i like every thing about u. ur hair. ur voice. all the important stuff. i just want u to be u. and also for u to do every thing i ever ask of you ever no questions asked just obey me in every thing. just do that, and be urself!! Thats important!!! its mportant that u gte to be u. and its important that i get whatever i want. and its importnat that me getting what i want is more important than u. be urself. but urself wants me to be happy. just condider that."

"idk"

"dude. dude. dude. dude. look. u liked the sex stuff we do. that's just science. if u didnt, the body has a way of shutting that all down, so u r obviously into it. just be honest with me about u liking the things i do to u and then our relat will be perf. honesty. me. thats how this'll work."

"i . . . d . . . k . . . ?"

"shhh. shh sh shhhhhhh. go da fk to sleep. i sleep here. u sleep. no talky. mmkay? mkay. dat's nice"

So then they curled up in bed together -- but not like right next to each other, he's got that no touchy thing goin on, but like near each other - and no sex stufff happened.


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 holllaaaa

 

"awwww crap now im late" Maxwell thundered, rousing Molly from her slumber [btw how cuuttee that their names start with the same letter like i keep thinking that its so cuuttee. contrary to this piece of junk, they were like suuuper cute together, right? Especially when ur little and aren't really aware of the skeevey as hell age difference. When ur 5, junior high and adults are basically the same. When ur 20, not so much. Not so much. How did the english dubs get away with letting that slide? Like, no lesbians, but pedo's ar a - ok!!]

"Huh whaaa?"

"I'm laaaaaate. Bye see u sunday or whatever PEACE"

And then he left. [lol I tagged this xoxo gossip girl AND NOW IM WATCHING GOSSIP GIRL GOO MEE!]

 

So Molly decided, after being so weirdly awakened, to get ready for work! Yaay! It was gonna be her last shift stocking hardware or whatever!! Aww, so sad! Had she told her bosses she was leaving? OF COURSE NOT. They probably didn't even know she was in school. And, because she had a few seconds of downtime, she emailed Maxwell!

\- oh hey still have different emotions about sex stuff

\- what why would you emotion? I told u. Sex stuff good. Do what I say, I feel good, u feel good.

\- okay so but still ????

\- no shh. God just like pretend im shushhing u with my face too. Be freeee. Just relax. See this is why this is good. U can just relax and I make all the decisions. All the sex decisions. And also other decisions. This plan is good, that's why there's paperwork.

\- oh like maybe. oh I gotta go to work email u later.

\- oh my god u have a phone u can text

\- molly

\- molly

\- MOLLY

\- MOLLY HOW DO U NOT KNOW THESE THINGSSSS

 

But it was too late. She was gone. And unaccessable by modern technology. Woe. Woe is life in the twenty first century. So hard to get a hold of people. Especially those in their early twenties. So unplugged, so unconnected to rest of the world. Cant get a hold of them evvvar. [oh my god chucks driver is not a good bodyguard at allll. Aren't all drivers also bodyguards and personal shoppers??? Man 50 shades really sets up some unrealistic expectations here.]

 

So she goes to work yay aya yay much putting things in new places and finding boys to open boxes cuz they wont tell her where the knives are so she cant open them. She sometimes tries with her teeth. It doesnt really work. So she's gotta find a boy with a knife. To open the boxes for her. She really shouldn't be employed. She's just not qualified for anything.

But then!!!

A deliverey!!!!

Yayayayayyayayayayyayayayayyayyyyy!!!!!

I totes know that all business, especially big stores, are in the habit of accepting deliveries on behalf of their employees. This is a thing that happens all the time. Especially for the useless employees. Like molly. I'm sure her managers are all over doing favours for her. Well done.

Well it was a blackberry. Cuz those are the hip n trendy. Errybody wants a blackberry. They're so good! Like the rollerball? Never have any trouble with those. All the cool kids have blackberries. Def doesn't date this weird at alllll. Nope. Totally cool. It's like having a razr. Totally modern and cool.

And it was allready signed into her email! Oh wow! But it didn't come with a guy to show her how to use it so either Maxwell was gaining confidence in her abilities or even he just stopped caring a little bit.

Anyhow they emailed some more cuz molly is really gunnin for that employee of the month award.

 

When she got home, packing had happened because THAT'S WHAT BOYFRIENDS ARE FOR DEANNA [SHE SENT ME FOR DONUTS THE OTHER DAY. SHE HAS A BOY. THATS WHAT THEY DO. GOD DEANNA] So at some point Darien had packed all their mutual stuff and also all of Serena's stuff BECAUSE HE'S A GOOD BOYFRIEND UNLIKE MIKE WHO DOESN'T GO FOR DONUTS.

 

AWW YISS GEORGINA NEXXTT YESSS.

 

Molly's stuff had also gotten packed by magic or something somehow.

 

ALL HAIL QUEEN GEORGINA LOVELY I WISH SHE WAS GOSSIP GIRL SHE'S SO GOOD AT IT. SO MESSED UP. UNLIKE GOSSIP DAN. WHICH IS JUST HILARIOUS.

 

SPOTTED: MAXWELL STANTON IN THE HARDWARE STORE. BUT HOW HARD IS HIS WARES? XOXO YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.

 

SEVENTEEN CHAPTERS IN AND THE TAGS ARE FINALLY RELEVANT. I HAVE SUPER PREMONITION POWERS HEY DON'T NATE AND VANESSA HAVE A THING? I THINK THEY DO. THERE'S MY AWESOME PREMONITION POWERS KICKIN IN AGAIN. I NEED TO MONETISE THIS.

Right, ok. So then driver bodyguard personal assistant shopper dude. [wait did they not have caller id in gossip girl s1? Or was gossip dan just too dumb to look at it OH MY GOD DAN CHILL OUT A LITTLE GOD U SHOULD KNOW ALL ABOUT GEORGIE CMON GOSSIP DAN oh lol downloading music oh lil j no im p sure this dude is like 20 OH MAN SLAY QUEEN B SLAAYYYYY] right dude came up to the door all

"Uh hey? So I'm supposed to get ur car? To sell it? [NATE'S SLUMMMIN oh god i dont care about nate hes so bland ugh I dont care. OH MY GOD VANESSA STOP BEING SO LIKE PRETENTIOUS UR WORSE THAN GOSSIP DAN WHO IS ONLY INTERESTING BECAUSE GOSSIP DAN.] uh yeah." This man was an inspiration.

"Here's the keys? Maybe? Sure whatever"

"Uhm, k thanks?" he said when she threw all of her keys at him. [oh god so many good facial expressions all up in this show like damn. Good acting bros] He picked them up and fished out the one for a vehicle. [uuggghhhhh nate/vanessa I CALLED IT but uggghhhhh so unnecessay]

"Oh wow ur really good at that. How long have u known mah boi?"

"Uhmm what?"

"Maaaxweeelllll"

"Oh, uh like a few months? Yeah, this whole thing just happened really fast. There was a lot of paperwork involved, I didn't really get a chance to read - "

"K thx bai!!!" she slammed the door in the really nice guy's face. Just wow Molly. So rude. To such a nice guy. And not a Nice Guy, just like ur regular ol nice guy. Who is nice. And good at his job. All of his jobs. Probably underpaid too. And doesn't even get to carry a gun. [god georgina would be an A+ gossip girl. Gossip Georgina. Perfect. MAYBE GOSSIP GIRL IS VERONICA MARS. WHATS HER NAME MAACCKKK YEAH HER SHE RUNS THE WEBSITE AND SET UP THE TEXT SYSTEM ooh sarah good fake name there georgina u no u luv me xoxo]

Aww so nice.[ oh WAIT HE'S GAY THAT'S WHAT IT IS OOOOOH HONEY AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I JUST THOUGHT HE WAS EVIL BUT NO IT'S GAY THAT'S AN EASY MISTAKE TO MAKE. THANKS HOLLYWOOD!]

So then uh Melvin? And Darien? Is that who these are supposed to be [hahahahah honey they makin out oh sweeetie] [ r u callin me queer? Hahah that's like something I'd write hahaha oh man but I knew he was a douchebag too tho] uhm they came by later to like have a end of packing celebration? Or something? But a couple and two friends can be [hmm did eric send that gossip girl blast? Forcing his bf to out himself and ditch his best girl bro so she wouldn't get more hurt? UGH PARENT SHIPPINNGG SO PAINFULLL] so then melvin and molly decided to leave and get cruuuunk [ugh and I love how the entorauge split UGH ASHER IS THE WOOORRST] because that's a reasonable thing for them to do. Not just like go to dennys or something. No. Pure innocent lil molly and her dorky friend who tried to assault her the last time they were drinking together decided to go to a bar? Yeah why not. ['get out of my room' she tells her brother, whose room is connected to hers by a wall that slides up that is currently up] so they got crunk and stuff woo party.

So when she gets home, all of her tech was just blowing up with Maxwell. Like all of the stuff. So much stuff on the tech. Because having all the tech in the world doesn't help u check it. And also pretty sure if she goes more than a minute she has like five thousand missed calls.[oh god asher is such a dick hope he dies. AWW SLAY BB ERIC SLAYY THATS A DAMN GOOD BREAK UP BOY. DAMN GOOD. WELL DONE.]

[ugh theres still ike two and half paragraphs for this chapter I dont caaaare]

[I killed someone LIKE WAY TO END AN EPISODE GUYS]

 

 

 

 

So she like calls Maxwell because NO ONE TEXTS THESE DAYS NOPE USE THE TELEPHONE ALL DAY ERRY DAY [why r all the ads fro black friday im canadian i don curr] so she phoned and they talked about stuff probaby but also probably not cuz they talk about NOTHING in CIRCLES OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND NOTHING IS REALLY HAPPENING UGH THIS IS THE TRAP OF PUBLISHING FIC. FIC IS WRITTEN IN INSTALLMENTS, RELEASED WEEKLY-ISH DEPENDING ON HOW GOOD THE AUTHOR IS ABOUT THESE THINGS AND EACH CHAPTER ON ITS OWN CAN SEEM DRAMATIC AND SOUL CRUSHING, BUT ONLY THE BEST ACTUALLY HOLD UP TO BINGE READING. NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS BOOK. SHE JUST EMOTES A LOT ABOUT THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AND HOW ~CONFLICTED~ SHE IS ABOUT THE THING BEFORE SHE JUST GOES AND DOES THE THING UGGHHHHHH so they talk blah blah blah who cares and then the next day they probably communicate more using such modern and trendy methods like VOICE MAIL and EMAIL rather than blowin up twitter and facebook like REAL PEOPLE or like texting or snapchatting. no. no they dont dod that.they whine about stuff all throughout the move to their new place in [CITY NAME PLACE] and when they get there, THREE CASES OF CHAMPAGNE, BUT WHY, FROM WHO? IS IT CHUCK MESSIN WITH HIS NEW SIS SERENA? I'LL NEVER TELL. YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME. ok but it was from Maxwell which is WAYYY LESS INTERESTING THAN A PRELUDE TO THE BLACKMAIL YOU ARE ABOUT TO RECIEVE FROM UR LITERALLY INSANE FORMER BFF god the crazy in this is so disappointing compared to gossip girl GIVE ME AN AWKWARD FAMILY DINNER haha o wait that happens they have sex in the boat house SPOILERS but yeah thats weirder than having the two kids dating and the one mom surprise show up and she used to date the dad and thye sitll in luuuuurrrrvvve but oh snap his wife's back but SHES USELESS AND TERRIBLE DIE FOR MY SHIP ugghhh.

so what? idk.

uhmmmmmmmmmmmm

ok so it'ss sunday now! so they have a date type thing idk i really have no idea what's happen just takin this one line at a time ppl livin day by day u kno. philosophy.

So Molly opens the door, and BAM there's Maxwellshovin a newspaper in her face.

"uh i dont read" Molly, the graduated English Major said.

"LOOK AT THIS PICTURE OF US STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER FROM UR GRAD. LOOK AT HOW AWESOME MY HAIR LOOKS And ur there too i guess"

"oh hey they called me ur friend. thats awk"

"shut up. btw i got u a lady doctor for ur lady parts. shell be here soon. to look at ur lady parts. i didnt know slash care if u had a lady doctor cuz im the only one who gets to decide who looks at ur lady parts or operates in that area. srsly. you dont even get to check uself if i dont say so got it"

"uhmmm what"

"oh and were having din din at my mom moms. ive never intro'd a girl to the fam before, and i figure this chick ive only known like 2 days is the best way to start"

"WHAT GIRL???!?!?!?!?!?"

"lol u adorbs ding dong oh hey that must be the lady doctor here to inspect ur lady bits"

the end

 


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 18.

Oksy so then the lady doctor came and inspected the lady bits and stuff. [AWWW YISS BYE BYE GEORGIE QUEEN B IS MY EVERYTHING]

"Okay here is ur drugs paper. Take this in to get drugs so no babies. Ok u all good bye now"

And that is what happens at the lady doctor.

 

"Aww sweet, let's eat!" Maxwell said when she was done. "So cool, what kinda anti baby stuff did u get?"

Molly, having no clue, just handed him the drug paper.

"Ohh my goooddddddd Molly! I knew I should have went to the lady doctor for you! This is seriously like the most high maitenance kind of anti baby drug! YOu have to do the durgs every day at the same time every day forever!! Ughh ur gonna fuk this upppp for me!!"

"K"

"Oh actually screw food lets sex instead! In mah aweesome sex room! That is for sex! And not torturing political prisoners! Nope, not at all! Yayyy!"

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING UNIFORMS WHEN LITERALLY NO ONE WEARS THE UNMODIFIED UNIFORM UGHHHH

 

 

"K" Molly said so they went to the weird sex dungeon which is totes normal guis, okay okay.

So they get there and he's all 'do ur hair like this' and she's all 'my hair is super curly tho u cant really make it do things it just sort of happens havent u ever had to struggle with curly hair its super difficult and like time consuming and thats just on normal days to look casual man idk how to do this bro'

"Oh my gooddd molly shut up about ur chick problems and just do what I say and sit the eff down"

So she did her best.

"See? See how awesome I feel when u do what I want u to? So just keep doin what I say and I'll feel great.. Awesome."

And then they did like the super kinky sex stuff. Like so kinky. Bein tied up. Crazy, right? Never heard of that b4. And then a riding crop? Wooahhh hold urself back there bros. This is madness. It's not like I've read Care Bears doing kinky stuff than this. Nope. Not like there's at least 2 Care Bears fics that have more fucked up sex than this. Not at all. It's really hard to be wowed by kink once you've stumbled across twincest skull-fucking [which, btw, I actually didn't read. I CAN SHOW RESTRAINT SOMETIMES OKAY but it exists and it's weasley twins. It's on LJ. So you know. You can go look that up after. DON'T TRY TO CHALLENGE ME ON WEIRD FIC I WILL OWN U and unfortunately Master of the Universe isn't like impressive at all. You can't just throw handcuffs on the cover and expect me to be stunned by ur sexual openess. SHOW ME A CARE BEARS DUB CON GANG BANG AND THEN I'LL FEEL THINGS. LOTS OF THINGS. GOD THE INTERNET IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SO MUCH TRAUMA. THIS ISN'T ONE OF THEM. THIS GETTING PUBLISHED IS]

So they did their ~super ~daring ~sexxx abd Maxwell used the rope he got from Molly's store. When he brought it out he was all extra suggestive all ready to snapchat this [we've discussed this. He is on snapchat. Non - explicit but like super suggestive. Prob wears a fedora] but Molly, of fucking course, didn't even recognise it. He hit her an extra time for that, it was still kinky, but also just to express his frustration.

Thus ends this super sexxy chapter.


	20. chapter 19

Chapter 19 goin into the boat house to do sex stuff

So then they were all sleepy and went to bed. Why is that in this chapter instead of the last one? WHY DO SO MANY CHAPTERS START OR END WITH SLEEPING?? I'M GETTING NARCOLEPSY JUST READING SUMMARIES. [OH MY GOD THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THAT I HAVE BOUGHT GUM. SPECIFICALLY TO CHEW SAID GUM. AND SAID GUM THEN JUST FREAKING DISAPPEARS IN MY CAR IN THE LIKE TWENTY MINUTES BETWEEN ME BUYING SAID GUM AND DESIRING TO OPEN SAID GUM. THIS IS STUPID. THIS IS INSANE. I JUST WANNA CHEW SOME GUM TO KEEP ME WAKEFUL AND STUFF SO I CAN WRITE THIS DAMN THING BUT NOOOO. I JUST HAVE TO HOPE THE DAMN STARBUCKS ENERGY DRINK WILL DO THAT VANILLA DOUBLE SHOT ENERGY + COFFEE I JUST SPECIFIED THAT FOR WORD COUNT. THERE'S A LOT OF SEX TO COME AND, AS U CAN TELL FROM THE LAST CHAPTER, MY SEX SCENES ARE NOT THE MOST VERBOSE. SO. I GUESS I DON'T GET GUM THEN. AND I JUST HAVE TO DEAL. GOD. I WANT THIS HALF HOUR TO END SO I CNA GO BACK TO WATCHING GOSSIP GIRL. I HAD TO IMPLEMENT A STRICTER WRITING SCHEDULE CUZ I DID NOT WRITE MUCH WHILE WATCHING GOSSIP GIRL. THIS IS KEY, HERE. WATCHING TV IS NOT SOMETHING U CAN MULTITASK WITH WRITING. IT'S NOT VERY EFFECTIVE. NOT AT ALL. THANK GOD THIS THING HAS NO STANDARDS SO I BARELY FEEL GUILTY ABOUT LIVEBLOGGING IN THE []. BUT STILL. I SHOULD AT LEAST MAKE AN ATTEMPT. SO.]

Cools so they had a nappy nap. Aww how cute. Super kawaii. That's a word that I can spell in japanese. Look mikki!! It goes ka which is like a fancy h almost? But with a lil apostrophe. Then comes wa. I sorta forget what wa looks like. It's okay though cus I can guess based on ka and i. I is the () rihgt? And there's two of those. But its very different from kowai, cuz ko is the sideways () and then wa again and I still can't remember what it is, but like, I'd probably know it if I saw it but it's Im in a self word war right now so I can't just stop and look it up to pretend im smart. Though I could come back later and add a sentence. But that's too much like editing and this mess doesn't deserve that. You have to earn editing. And a spelling lesson in japanese in the middle of a fifty shades of nonsense doesn't warrant it. Sorry.

So they were sleeping all kawaii (tho, lbr, this story is more kowai if u get me u feel me ya u feel dis) before they had to wake up to get ready for dinner with the fam! This is kinda an awkward thing to spring on ur new gf, you should probably give her a lil bit of notice so she can dress nice and do her makeup all purdy. And also bring her make up to ur place if ur planning on having gross sweaty sex before hand so she can like touch up her mascara. But no. Maxwell wants his gf to meet his fam all JUST HAD SEX AND IT FELLT SO GOOD. IM ON A BOAT MOTHERFUCKER. NOT GAY IN A THREEWAY. I HAVE EXHAUSTED MY IMMEDIATE KNOWLEDGE OF LONELY ISLAND SONGS THOUGH I TOTES KNOW MORE OF THEM OK??? DONT' JUNDGE ME. IM IN A STRESSFUL WRITING SITUATION AND ITS NOT SO GOOD ON MY BRAINSPACE AND THERES MUSIC PLAYING AND YALL GET HOW HARD IT IS TO THINK OF OTHER SONGS WHEN A SONG IS PLAYIN ALL RIGHT NEXT TO U [OH MY GOD AND THE POWER IN THE MALL WENT OUT ON MONDAY RIGHT? AND IT WAS OUT FOR AAAGES AND THE LAST THING TO CUT OUT WAS THE GOD DAMN CHRISTMAS MUSIC. WHICH IS HORRIBLE. THEY STARTED IT ON THE 12TH AND IT WAS LOUDER THAN THE MUSIC ON THE 11TH, AND POSSIBLY GETTING LOUDER EVERY DAY. WELL IT'S BEEN DEAD SINCE THE POWER WENT OUT, BUT IT CAME BACK ON TODAY AND IT WAS HAND TO GOD SOOO FREAKING LOUD. AND CHRISTMASSY. LIKE, CNA YOU NOT??? GAWD]

So they had to get all dressed again. But what is this? Maxwell, that playful lil bastard, still had his grubby lil mitts on Molly's sex undies!! Oh that lil scamp! As soon as Molly realises this, she decides she wants to play too! RAther than just stealing something of equal value from him, you know, like also making every piece of underwear he has with him unavailable by like dumping his underwear drawer out the window WHICH WOULD BE GREAT AND IF U EVER BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE AND HAVE THE CHANCE TO THROW THEIR CLOTHES OUT A WINDOW PLS DO!!! EVEN IF IT'S JUST A FIRST FLOOR WINDOW OR LIKE A BASEMENT WINDOW IT'ST THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. But molly did not do this. No. Don't be silly willies. She decided to just - teehee - wear NO UNDERWEAR tee hee so scandalous!! Not like she's just spent some time in a sex dungeon, nope going commando is waayyy weirder sexually [again, I've read more sexually adventerous Care Bears. Just to remind u. I cnat unread those stories and now u also cant unread knowledge of those stories.]

So the awesome bodyguard driver personal shopper assistant guy who's name, I JUST REALISED you, the reader, do not know because Molly, the main POV character, does not know because SHE'S NEVER ASKED and also Maxwell, who does know his name, HAS NEVER SAID IT OUT LOUND IN FRONT OF MOLLY BECAUSE HE THINKS SO LITTLE OF AWESOME BODYGUARD DRIVER PERSONAL SHOPPER ASSITNAT GUY THAT NOT ONLY DOES HE NOT SAY HIS NAME HE DOESN'T GIVE HIM A GUN FOR HIS ALL TOO FREQUENT TRIPS TO THE BLACK MARKET WHICH IS AN ACTUAL MARKETPLACE. IT'S IN GOTHAM. U CAN GOOGLE MAPS THAT. He drives them to the family house that is somewehre in the world IDK I DONT CARE ENOUGH TO FIGURE OUT THE INTERNAL GEOGRAPHY OF THIS PIECE. I STILL DON'T CARE IF IT'S IN THE PACIFIC NORTH WEST WHICH IS A STUPID NAME FOR AN AREA ANYWAY JUST SAY WHAT STATE IT'S IN LIKE A SANE PERSON. IF U KNOW WHAT CITY UR CHARACTERS ARE IN U KNOW WHAT STATE THEY'RE IN AND U CAN TELL UR READERS THAT BECAUSE THAT'S WAY MORE USEFUL THAN A STUPID GENERAL AREA TOPOGRAPHY GEOLOGY SOMETHING.

So they talk and stuff and whatever I dont care. No one cares. Who reads this book for fun? NOTHING INTERESTING HAS HAPPENED. FOR CHIRST SAKES SHE GOT BIRTH CONTROL. HOW IS THAT AN INTERSTING STORY LINE FOR A UN RELIGIOUS WHITE GIRL WHO HAS MONEY IN AN AREA WITH NO STIGMA ABOUT BIRTH CONTROL THAT HER BOYFRIEND BOUGHT FOR HER?!?! DAN FREAKING HUMPHREY WRITES MORE INTERESTING STORIES AND HE JUST WRITES HIS OWN BORING LIFE BOO HOO MY RICH GF DITCHED ME BECASUE CLAASSSSS WHINING AND MY DAD IS COOL MY MY HOW INTERESTING @GUYINMYMFA FOR REAL.

Then they get there and like Serena and Darien are there and Darien's prob brainwashed cuz that hasn't happened yet and really it should. Boy gets brainwashed a lot. And goes evil. So he's probably brainwashed and evil right now which is UNBEARABLY TRAGIC so let's not dwell on that.

And then the other guys who are his brothers are there? They have names, probably. One of them is Alice. The one who's a chick. That one's alice. Uhmmm the blond one can be Jasper. Sure. And then there's the white haired one. Uhhhh. He can be Rosalie. Sure. That makes sense. That all lines up good. I'm using the Twilight names because I honestly don't know their 50 shades names. Seriously. Even when I was reading it. Their names are unimportant and can easily be swapped out for the Twilight names based on personality or lack thereof. So that's nice. Are there any other siblings??? Uhh lets see. Emmet and Rosalie, Jasper and Alice, then lonely girl 15 Edward. So that's the four bad guys and Darien. Emmet = Darien OH WAIT NO KATE OR WHATEVER IS ROSALIE SO THAT'S SERENA. DAMMIT. THERE'S ONE EXTRA. Ugghhh fuck it there's two rosalie's now. Double the baby crazy. Sure. Why not. Serena and white haired one totally had things in common, right? I mean, probably?? Uhmm something something. So. Darriedn is dating Serena and also white haried guy. But uhm so WAIT NO NO NO alice and jasper have to be the chick and the white haired dude. Because they were in love and also Alice is the chick because the chick's the one with emotions or whatever. Blonde dude can be second Rosalie. He looks like the type to love babies. Probably never tried to kill babies. I'm not a hundred percent on that tho because like at least one of them had to have plotted against babies OH WAIT THERE WAS THE ONE WITH THE PRESCHOOL ONE TIME WASN'T THERE??? WAS THAT THE BLONDE DUDE?? I THINK IT WAS ok so that jsut proves my point. He's obviously obsessed with babies, and let's be real Rose's obsession didn't always get expressed in healthy ways either OH MY GOD AND ANOTHER THING WHAT THE HELL WAS WITH ALL THE SUDDEN NICK NAMES IN BREAKING DAWN??? FULL NAMES FOR THREE WHOLE BOOKS THEN BAM! ROSE AND EM AND JAZ AND EDDYKINS AND CAR - CAR AND CRAP ESSSIE AND NESSIE AND JAY AND CHARLIE. CHARLIE IS TOO AWESOEM TO GET RANDOM NICK NAMED. HE'S A GOOD GUY AND DESERVED A BETTER KID. AND A LESS UNCANNY VALLEY GRANDDAUGHTER. LET'S BE REAL.

Emmet = darien

Rose = serena and yellow hair dude (they both have yellow hair so it's ok)

Alice = chick

Jasper = white haired one

Edward = Maxwell STanton

Bella = Molly

Esme and Carlise = Queen Beryl cuz I'm too lazy to think of a second evil parent figure.

The nice neighbours = the outer scouts poly - lesbian wit baby fam. They're very nice. That's why they aren't involved in this. They're nice enough and smart enough to stay back from all of this. This isn't in their job description so they're cool leaving it to Serena. If serena will ever notice that something's up. They considered tipping her off, but the Uranus was all hey, how about we place bets instead? So they shrugged and placed their bets. Saturn bet on never. They let her because that's the most likely to win and she's just a baby so they can steal the money back without her noticing, leave her like a dollar, and shove the rest in a college fund.

So Serena and Darien were all super lovey dovey despite darien being a bit dead eyed and brainwashed but thats fine everything's fine. Except for how increasingly obvious it was to even Molly that Maxwell invited her only after Darien invited Serena. Prob cuz he was brainwashed. But still. Maxwell was very competitive and clearly only invited Molly in an attempt to 1 up Darien. Which was dumb, as Serena was obviously a better gf than Molly could ever be, especially in front of a crowd.

 

 

 

So they were like doing stuff and talking and it was probably hella awk what with dariend being brainwashed and stuff. And then Queen Beryl was all

"So Molly, u useless bag of energy, what r ur plans fro ur energy? Hint, the right answer is forfeiting it to the NEGAVERSE"

"Oh well im goin to the north - west - bering - sea or something sorry sam I forget what it was calle dbut im pretty sure it was sojmething like that in like a day to visit my mom and maybe other ppl idk it'l l be nice maybe or something idk"

"U what with the what now?" maxwell said, " wow. Wow. I cn'at believe u would spring this on me. Wow molly I thought u were cool and now ur just gonna walk away with this like wow. Wow. I thought we ahd something. I thought we were gonna do stuff every day (i cant say sex stuff cuz my fam is all up in here but I totally mean sex stuff. We were gonna do sex stuff.) wow. This is awk. We will be discussing this later I can assure you [holy crap this chap is already over 2k words?? What the hell did I write about I'm like three sentences in to this summary? Christ. At this rate, I wont finish the book at 50k. Damn, damn this is sad. Was it gossip girl? Was I ranting about gossip girl? I thought I wasnt anymore cuz I wrote in between eps instead of during OH WAIT I spent a lot of time talking about who was who vis a vis the sailor moon peeps and the twilight peeps and completely ignoring the fifty shades peeps. So that was a bit. But still, over 2k words??? Wow. Just wow]" so maxwell said this and then stopped talking except not because it was a family dinner and u cant just not talk during that. U just cant. So he engaged in the idle chit chat but was also angry and because with him anger = sex stuff, he started tryin some hands on sex stuff under the table.

MOlly, not being a fan of angry sex stuff and the equivalency thereof, tries her best to avoid his sex hands.

"NOOPE kay bye fam gotts show the gf all the placeds in this place that we live in so catch ya later bye COME ON MOLLY" and then he got up and dragged her after him. Literally. Literal dragging out of the rooom, through the door, out the door, down the hall out the back door [heh] and through the yard and then into the boat house becasue who doesnt have a boat house in their back yard? I Certainly do, of course. A boat house. And obviously going into the boat house means they're gonna go on a boat motherfucker every body look at me cuz im sailing on a boat. Im on a boat and its goin fast and I got a nautical themed pashmina afghannn. I FUCKED A MERMAAIIIIDDD.

So they go into the boat house and he takes her upstairs AWAY FROM THE BOAT. DOENST EVEN SHOW HER THE BOAT. THIS IS A DISAPPOINTMENT ON ALL THE LEVELS. WHO GOES TO A BOAT HOUSE AND DOESNT' EVEN GREET THE BOAT. THATS JUST BAD MANNERS AND I AM APPALED ON BEHALF OF BOATS EVERYWHERE AND THEIR HOUSES. GOD. HOW WOULD U FEEL IF SOME TRASHY COUPLE JUST BARGED INTO UR HOUSE, DIDNT EVEN SAY LIKE HI OR BRING U A BOTTLE OF WINE OR ANYTHING JUST STORMED UPSTAIRS TO GO HAVE SEX IN UR HOUSE?!?!? LIKE THIS IS UNBELIEVABLY RUDE, EVEN FOR THEM. GOD. THAT BOAT IS NEVER GOING TO INVITE THEM OVER FOR HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER NIGHT EVER AGAIN. THIS IS FRIENDSHIP ENDING STUFF. GOD. THAT POOR BOAT. FIRST OF ALL, HIS HOUSE IS LIKE REALLY SMALL. IT'S HARD TO HAVE OTHER BOATS OVER BECASUE THERES JUST NO ROOM FOR MORE THAN LIKE ONE OR TWO BUDDIES. AND THEN THE NEIGHBOURS ARE JUST DICKS AND ALWAYS TRACK MUD AND DIRT IN ALL OVER THE BOAT'S NICE FLOOR AND DONT EVEN LIKE APOLOGISE OR ANYTHING. AND WHENEVER THEY DECIDE THEY HAVE SOMETHING TO DO AND WANT TO HANG WITH BOAT, THEY DONT EVEN ASK IF THE BOAT HAS PLANS, THEY JUST DRAG HIM OUT WITH THEM WHEREVER THEY WANT TO GO. THEY NEVER ASK BOAT WHAT HE WANTS TO DO. SOMETIMES HE JSUT WANTS TO STAY IN WITH A NICE GLASS OF BOAT WINE [WHICH IS PROB OIL. THAT SEEMS TO BE HOW LIVING VEHICLES ROLL. LOL ROLL] BUT NOOO. HE ALWAYS HAS TO DO WHAT THEY WANT TO DO. AND THEY TRASH HIS HOUSE. JUST LIKE THE WORST NEIGHBOURS VVER, AND NOW THEY JUST COME BY FOR SEX APPARANTLY

 

AND NOT EVEN WITH BOAT.

 

And so Molly was all "no hittin pls srry so srry"

And he's all "no bb imma be nice man this si crazy u like said no to me without saying anything thats crazy that literally never happens to me man its so hot."

 

 

 

"Really?"

"Yah babe. But im still hella mad u didnt tell me abt the north - western - bering - sea so imma go right ahead and sex u so hard and douchily and u better not enjoy it cuz this is gonna be good for me but punishment 4 u so u gotta be punished and not like the sex okay okay."

"Uhhh k?"

So then they sexxed so hard RIGHT IN THE BOAT'S HOUSE and MOlly didn't enjoy it on about five different levels which only made Maxwell enjoy it more. YYAAAYYY DOUCHEY SEX STUFF?!!!!

 

 


	21. chapter 20

Chapter 20

 

So then they're still in the boat's house and then the uhmm girl one? Yeah sure the girl one comes up and is all *presents just had sex cake* haha but fur cereal guis the brainwashed one and his chick are goin bye bye so time for u to say bye cus you have just been the best at this family dinner thing. Totes. Like it's so appropriate for y'all to come to a dinner, partially in ur honour, and just like bail to the boat house BEFORE DINNER WAS EVEN SERVED yeah that's not gonna piss anyone off YOU WOULD DIE IN THE UPPER EAST SIDE. JUST DIE. EVEN DAN HUMPHREY HAS BETTER MANNERS THAN YALL SO GET UR ASSES DOWN INTO THE REAL HOUSE AND SAY GOODBYE NICELY AND THEN GET THE HELL OUT OF OUR HOUSE U WEIRDOS.

She said all that but it was funy in an ironic way cus she didnt even know how weird their sex stuff really was . . .

So they say goodbye an then they go and Maxwell very very very generously is like 'yah I gues u can go visit ur mom., but only cuz I say its ok, remember that, and u cna never do something like this again u have to always get my permission first for spur of the moment trips to visit family and also everything else in ur life. Remember the contract. I can decide what u eat for freakin breakfsat.' And I dont remember if they actually signed the contract or not or if it was just the NDA and they just decided to wing the rest of it idk I guess we'll never know you know u love me x o x o gossip girl.

Oh so then theyre still together at his place and go to bed [UGGHH NOT THIS ONE UGGHHH]. Molly decides to be a clingly lil bitch and wants to do normal sex stuff and also touch him which is def a cray cray request of someone u are having sexual relations with., he, very sanely, refuses her. Because that's dumb and boring.

"But I like wanna know more about uuuu and like ur passt and ur fave colour and every thing about uuuuu"

"Uhm no. Wait! Genius idea time! How about, instead of that, we do more weird sex stuff, and, if ur good, then maybe I'll answer some of ur questions if I like them and feel like it. Sound good? Shut up of course it does. TO THE SEX DUNGEON!"

So they went to the sex dungeon.

OKAY AND THIS SERIOUSLY BUGS ME. HE TELLS HER TO PUT LITTLE METAL BALSS ALL UP IN HER WHICH LIKE WHATEVER BUT E L JAMES FORGETS TO MENTION HOW THEY ARE GOING TO COME OUT??? LIKE, THAT'S IMPORTANT. SUPER IMPORTANT. HOW IS SOMEONE SUPPOSED OT PAY ATTENTION TO A SEX SCENE WHEN UR PRETTY SURE ITS GONNA END WITH A TRIP TO THE ER TO GET SOME METAL BALLS SURGICALLY REMOVED FROM HER JUNK??? THIS IS KEY PEOPLE. LET THEM KNOW THAT THE METAL BALLS HAVE STRINGS FOR RETRIEVAL ASAP. DO NOT LET THEM WONDER. THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO BE ~MYSTERIOUS ABOUT UR SEX STUFF. JUST LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT THERE IS AN EXIT STRATEGY. BECAUSE THAT IS TERRIFYING. DO NOT INSERT RANDOM LIL THINGS INTO UR JUNK WITHOUT A CLEAR EXIT STRATEGY THAT ALL PARTIES ARE AWARE OF AND AGREE TOO. SAFE SANE AND CONSENSUAL. THIS IS NONE OF THAT. LET PPL KNOW ABOUT THE STRINGS, BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!!!

Then after sex Maxwell says "my birth mom did crack and died" then they went to sleep THE END.


	22. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

 

So then Molly woke up. Because sleep is the only way to break a chapter. She is alone. Cuz Maxwell bailed. Because he's weird. And then she remembered that the last thing he sadi to her was that his mom was a dead crack whore. So that happend. What if he was gone and died ant the lasst thing he said to her was that his mom was a dead crack whore? Well, then Molly may have gotten the best party - killing story OF ALL TIME. God, could u imagine being at a party, and everyone's having a good time, and then ur all "oh yeah one time I had this sort of boyfirend slash I was his fuck doll for like a week, and then after some super kinky sex, he told me his mom was a dead crack whore and then when I woke up the next morning I found out he died in a car crash right after that" BOOM dead party. JUST LIKE UR EX BF YOOOO. Classic.

So aside from taht awesome possibility, Molly decided that this singular fact that he just dropped on her explained like ninety nine percent of his issues. So that's great. However, even she couldn't piece together why that meant he wouldn't let her touch his abs and also the rest of him. Truly, a mystery for the ages.

She goes to the kitchen.

There is a housekeeper there.

Molly doesnt learn her name.

Molly forgets to get breakfast from the kitchen.

Molly doesnt know anything.

Molly goes to a different room.

Molly goes to a different room.

Molly find's Maxwell's study.

Molly finds Maxwell in his study.

Molly listens in on Maxwell talking business on the phone.

Molly absorbs absolutely no info, which is a shame as it could be used for blackmail.

Molly watches Maxwell end the call.

Molly watches Maxwells abs under his shirt.

Molly does this despite not having x - ray vision.

Molly lets Maxwell sex her up on the desk.

Molly ignores that sex on a desk is less comfortable than TV makes it look.

Molly ignores the paperweight digging into her back.

Molly ignores the pen that scratched her hand.

Molly thinks this is how awesome sex is and feels lucky

Molly is an idiot.

Molly listens to Maxwell lecture her about how he still doesn't really want her to visit her mom.

Molly really just listens to the thunder of his voice.

Molly finally eats breakfast under Maxwell's supervision.

Molly gets offered a private jet to the north - western - bering - sea.

Molly refuses the private jet.

Molly still thinks she has standards.

Molly talks to Maxwell about the interview for an internship she somehow has.

Molly does not say where the internship is at.

Molly is probably lying to seem impressive.

Molly could not get hired at a publishing company.

Molly is borderline illiterate [JUST LIKE BO!!! JK BO IS FULL ON ILLITERATE. THAT'S TRUE. WATHC LOST GIRL. BO CANT READ]

Molly pretends she doesn't want Maxwell to get her a job.

Molly tries to turn the tables.

Molly asks about his dead crack whore mom.

Molly listens to Maxwell thunder that he never told that to anyone.

Molly likes to know that he keeps secrets with her.

Molly wishes she was interesting enough to have secrets.

Mollly promises that she'll think about his contract when she's gone.

Molly and Maxwell say how much they'll miss each other.

Molly and Maxwell are both lying a little.

Molly goes to an interview.

I dont care.

Molly goes home.

Molly talks to Serna about Maxwell.

Serena gives some bad advice.

Molly has down time so she emails maxwell.

Molly goes to the airportr

Molly discovers she now ahs first class tickets.

Molly doesnt appreciate this.

Molly isn't appropriately weirded out by this.


	23. Chapter 22 im 12 words from 45k so im just gonna give this a 12 word title oh wait I was wrong it was actually like 102 words sorry sorry bout that.

Chapter 22 im 12 words from 45k so im just gonna give this a 12 word title oh wait I was wrong it was actually like 102 words sorry sorry bout that.

 

 

"Ugh Maxwell, my rich mostly boyfriend is sooo annoying! Can you believe he went behind my back and upgradedd me to first class? Just wow. Wow. What a guy," molly ssaid, complain - bragging to anyone who crossed her path. This is the issue she has chosen to hold her stand at. This. Secretly getting her a better seat on a airplane. This was her big ooohh my bf is so stalk - y moment. Probably the nicest and least stalky thing he's done to her so far. ITS FIRST CLASS ON A PLANE TO THE NORTH - WEST - BERING - SSEA JUST SUCK IT UP AND ENJOY IT PLANES KINDA SUCK OH MY GOD

 

Then, once on the plane, she decided to email Maxwell because TEXTING HASNT BEEEN INVENTED YET OR SOMETHING. SERIOUSLY. NOT OVER THIS YET. WHO EMAILS????????? NO ONEEE OH MY GOOODDDDD. YOU HAVE A 'NICE' PHONE NOW. USE BBM. THAT WAS THE ONLY GOOD THING ABOUT BLACKBERRIES UNTIL APPLE AND ANDROID (MAYBE? IDK) COPIED IT. MAXWELL DEAREST PROBABLY ALSO TURNED ON THE THING WHERE HE CAN SEE IF SHE READ HIS MESSAGES AND JUST HASNT REPLIED YET WHICH ON ITS OWN IS PRTTY CREEPY AND LIKE MADE FOR THIS GUY.

 

\- hey bb on a plane rt now txt it

\- u cant say txt it if u dont read texts

\- hahah lol rt txt it

\- did u put txt it as ur signiture?

\- whaaat noooo whats a signiture? txt it

\- HOW THE FUCK DID YOU LEARN TO DO THAT

\- idk txt it

\- OH MY GOD I LITERALLY WANT TO TIE U UP AND SHOVE U IN THE STORAGE OF THAT PLANE LIKE A DISEASED DOG. THATS WHAT U DESERVE. THE SAME AS A DISEASED DOG. ACTUALLY, CHANGED MY MIND, THATS KINDA REALLY HOT I REALLY WANT TO DDO THAT TO U KNOW JUST LIKE CHAIN U PU LIKE A DISEASED DOG

\- planes takin off txt it

\- LET ME KNOW WHEN U GET THERE SO I CAN TELL U HOW TO TURN THAT OFF

 

oh wait was he like serious abt the diseased dog thing? iddk. i. d. k. naw it was a joke. lol. treating ur gf like a diseased dog lol so funny just like Maxwell to make a silly joke like that. OH GOD WHAT IF IT'S NOT A JOKE

and so Molly's mind went in said circles for the rest of the flight. She really needs therapy.

 

When she landed, she had composed a very long and elaborate message to send to Maxwell, outlining her exact feelings about him and the problems she's having with them.

 

\- k so ur hot and i wanna hit it but r u joking? idk. idk. idk idk idk. im glad im away from u so i can think. cus ur hot? so confusing. txt it

 

so she meets up at the airport of north - western - bering sea with her mom and uhhhhh joe? was it joe? OH HAHAH JOE WAS HER MOMS BF FOR LIKE A WEEK WEHN MOLLY WAS 8 HAHAH I CANT BELIEVE I DID THAT LOL so it was Jim. Jim was her mom's husband and legal father, as he adopted her after teh wedding. What happened to her real dad? probs ran as soon as Molly began showing signs of her personality. That'd be the safe move. Poor Molly's mom. They probably rock paper scissored it out as to who would get the societal scorn of being an absentee parent and who would parent Molly. There were no winners. jk her dad totes won. It says the reunion was emotional but i just cant see that happening. Molly's main emotion is insane jealousy or abs. Theres just not enough there to emote hard. Her mom was probably trying to institutionalise her but thats pretty hard to do when the target is in the US [???? maybee??????] and the institutionaliser wass in the north - western - bering - sea. In a stroke of normalicy, or perhaps just that the life in front of her was more boring than what she left behind, she actually texted her friends [lol jk she has none] to say that she got there safe. and included a gorgeous pic of the north - western - bering - sea. so that happened. ugghhhhhhhhh

 

 

oh hey melvin had a show coming up. molly thought about asking maxwell to come with her. even though she had gone on this whole trip to completely reconsidder her relationship with him and she wasn't sure if she even wanted to continue the relationship except she wanted to invite him to her friends thing which was pretty indicitve of a ongoing relationship but WHATEVER. god i hate her headspace.

 

So then they go to a beach and Moly talks abotu Maxwell and nothing else and her mom was like 'dude its simple. it's not complicated. its really really simple. dont over think it FOR GOODS SAKE STOP THINKING and the answer will be obvious, u dumbass'

 

Okay so then she goes to unpack at home because tey went to the beach before unpacking?? wow such sense. and then ther was an email from Maxwell. bcuz of course. he says things and stuff and whatever its like nothing. but then shes all damn id forgotten how his abs were and mm yes misss youuu baeeee

 

they email more because they HAVE NO LIVES ugghh and thten stop because Maxwell goees to dinner with the mrs robinson subplot i am ignoring because it involves too much of their insipid dialogue that i have also been ignoring.

 

morgan made me move andd now im sad but he said i could wrie about him. before he knew what this mess was about.

 

then the next day she went day drinking with her mom, as u do

 

BUT THEN THE CALL WAS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE BUT WHO WAS PHONE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

 


	24. chapter 23

Chapter 23

 

 

She looks at him. he looks at her. she looks at him. he looks at her. they look at each other looking at the other. And then he approaches. Molly is steaming but also kinda hella turned on because that's just how she rolls. She's really into the whole stalker thing. Otherwise she would have run aages ago. So when they stop just staring at each other after like twelve minutes ot this nonsense that would have really concerned her mom except you know its molly and this is sort of par for the course at this point. But then hair and thunder approached and Molly introduced him. Maybe. He may have jut thundered a lil bit and she may have simpered [btw still not a hundred per cent on what simpering is but i know its something silly slutty victorian girls did so it seems appropriate]. But none the less, the ppl became acquaintences.

 

Then lolololol the banter happened so much bantering much banter so much banter. banter. Molly's inner goddess did a hula dance becvasuse reasons okay? okay. And then Moly's mom is not so different from Molly becasue she is also slightly conned by Maxwell's dashingly thunderous good looks and agrees to invite him to dinner with them. And then just leaves them alone for some reason.

 

Oh they discuss teh subplot im ignoring so thats nice.

 

Then her mom comes back to end the pedo / not debate. yay. then Maxwell bails. Her mom tells Molly to go after him becasue of love but really because she's already sick of her daughter YAY

 

So Molly goes up to his room [which isn't a common slang for sex at alll] and he's talking business on the phone because thats what he does. he does business. in the spaces between harassing Molly via email. He has a lot of business. very good at business. so thats how that works. he has a job. thats how he has money. yah. thats something that we have been shown, not told, far more than how he apparatnly is s auper hands on buiness guy but also has enough spare time to reply to emails instantly to his gf who hasnt even signed a contract or anything yet.

 

Get the words, get all the words. Words are good and needed for winning. Win win winning.

 

So then after hes done businessing they talk more blah blah blah no 1 curr and he's all wow no 1 ever gets mad at me this is so hot let s go do sex stuff.

 

and she's all noo but im blleeeeding

hes all what

shes all uhh it is moon time now?

hes all thats. hot.

 

and everyone else is all ewww wwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww www wwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwww wwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwww wwwww ww wwww wwww wwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwww wwww www wwww www wwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwww wwwwwww wwwww wwww wwwww ww wwww www wwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwww wwww w www wwww wwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwww wwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwwww wwww wwwww ww wwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwww wwww wwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwww wwww wwwwwww wwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww wwwww www wwww www wwww wwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwww www wwwwwww wwww wwww wwwww wwwwwww wwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww www ww wwwww wwww wwwwww ww wwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwww wwwww wwww www wwww www wwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwww www www wwww wwww www wwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwww ww wwww www wwww wwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwww wwwww w wwwwww wwwwwww wwww ww wwwwwwww wwwww wwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwww wwwwww wwwww wwwwwww wwww wwww wwwwwwwww wwwww wwww ww wwwwwwww wwwww wwwww wwwww wwwww wwwwww wwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwww wwwwwww wwww wwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwww wwwwwww wwww wwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwww www wwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwwww www wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwww www wwwwwwwwww www wwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwww wwwww wwwww www wwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww ww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww ww wwwww www ww wwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwww ww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww w wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwww ww ww wwwww wwwwww wwwwww wwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww wwwww wwwww wwwwwwww ww wwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwww ww wwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwww ww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwww w wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww w wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwwww w wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwww wwww wwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwww ww wwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwww wwww wwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwwww www wwww wwwww wwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwww wwww wwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwww wwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww www wwwww wwww wwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww wwwww wwww wwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwwwwww wwwww wwwww www wwww wwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwww ww ww wwwwww wwwww wwww wwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwww wwwww wwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwww wwwwwwww wwwww wwwww wwwwwwww wwwww wwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwww wwwwwwwww wwwwwww wwwww

 

so they talk but no curr because ew.

 


	25. cahpter 24 in which i stp caring about speelling chaprt right

cahpter 24 in which i stp caring about speelling chaprt right

 

so then they wake up and i uess Molly never really bothered to tell her mom shed be out all night in a strange city slash sea with a guy who stalked her here that she met like a week ago but sure. And then Maxwell decided to take her on a ROMANTIC GETAWAY cuz nothing says omantic like being forced to wake up at stupid o clock when ur on vacay but sure. they talk more about Maxwells exes becasue Molly really has nothing of her past to share which jut reinforces how equal they are in this relationship. and tehn music is in the car and molly is all whaaa and duede is alll uh yah das not mine das uhhh i am holding for a friend yes? Becasue he needs to make excuses for having Britney Spears on his ipod because he's NOT SOMEONE YOU WANT TO DATE. Never ddate someone who is ashamed of the shit on their ipod. Or, alternatively, never date someone who lets their gf put shit on his ipod and then doesnt angry delte it all as soon as he dumped her becasue come onnn. lame. Sjo aside from that, he fills her head with more unecesary confusion cus its not like she doesnt already have to much of that from him and then they go to the place.

 

X - TREME SPORTS!!! SO HE CAN BETTER STEAL HER ENERGY!!! BECAUSE FIRST THING U GOTTA DO WHEN U TAKE UR CLUTZY GF OUT ON A VACATION DESTINATION IS DO SOME X - TREME SPORTING. WHY NOT JUST THROW HER OUT OF A PLANE??? OR, BETTER YET, JUST WAIT UNTIL THE PAPERWORK GOES THROUGH SO U CAN COLLECT THE INSURANCE MONEY FROM HER TRAGIC BUNGEE JUMPIING ACCIDENT. UGH. HANG GLIDING. JUST A TERRIBLE DATE IDEA FOR A NEW COUPLE THAT HASNT EXPRESSED EXTREME ENTHUSIASM ABOUT X - TREME SPORTS. LIKE SERIOUSLY. WHGAT ARE YOU THINKING HERE? ITS GOTTA BE A MURDER, RIGHT? JUST GOTTA BE. ITS A NEGAVERSE PLOT TO COLLECT ENERGY FROM THEIR FEAR. THE ENERGY OF PEOPLE FORCED INTO X - TREME SPORTS. THERES GOTTA BE A LOT OF ENERGY IN THAT LINE OF WORK. ENERGY. NEGAVERSE. ENERGY. NEGAFORCE. ENNERRRGGYYYY NEGGGAAAVVERRRSSEEEE EEEEENNNNNERRRRRRRGGGGGGYYYYYYY NNNNNNEEEEEEGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEERRRRRRRRSSSSSSEEEE

 

Alas, unfortunately, they both survive. And go to IHOP. Cuz when a dude has $$, he takes his girl to IHOP.

 

And then they have a very very heartwarming conversation over their Despicible Me themed pancakes. They're basically actually dating now because despite being unable to commpromise they are both weak willed and slied into agreement anyway and are TERRIBLE CHARACTERS who are PASSIVE AS HELL so blah blah more blah blah happens and then he takes her back to her mom's palce.

 

Molly, in a strange fit of generousity, offers to help with supper for when Maxwell Stanton thunders over. Molly's mother, wisely, refuses the offer. Now, having nothing else to do, Molly must email the guy she last saw about 2 seconds ago. Yes. This is all so sensical. This is how young humans communicate. Constant emails. On their black berries. Yes. SERIOUSLY THE BIGGEST REASON ANY NON - BUSINESS PERSON GOT A BLACKBERRY WAS FOR BBM! BLACKBERRY MADE MONEY FIRT FROM BUSINES GUYS BECASUE THEY WERE LIKE THE FIRST SMARTPHONE, AND THEN FROM YOUNG UNS CUZ THEY STARTED TAKING OVER THE INTERNET. AND ALSO THEIR PARENTS WERE TIRED OF PAYING GAJILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR TEXTING AND DATA WAS DIRT CHEAP CUZ NO ONE USED IT AND ALSO SENDING MESSAGES USES LIKE NO DATA SO BLACKBERRY MADE BBM SO ALL THE PARENTS WOULD BUY THEIR KIDS BLACKBERRIES FOR BBMING INSTEAD OF TEXTING AND THE KIDDIES GOT GREAT JOY OVER TEH ABILITY TO SEE IF A MESSAGE HAD BEEN READ. AND YOU, E L JAMES, GET UR MAIN CHARACTER A BLACKBERRY AND DONT EVEN USE THE FEATURES THAT PPL USE IT FOR. ITS LIKE U NAME DROPPED IT CUZ U'VE NEVER HEARD OF AN IPHONE BEFORE. UGGGHHHH THIS IS THE MOST OUT OF TOUCH BOOK ABOUT SUPPOSEDLY MODERN YOUTH THAT I HAVE EVER READ EVER. IF YOU DONT KNOW WHAT KIDS THESE DDAYS ARE DOING, DONT WRITE ABOUT THEM. AND IF U MUST WRITE ABOUT THEM, THEN BE AS VAGUE AS GODDAMN POSSIBLE TO AVOID NONSENSE LIEK THIS. HOW OLD IS E L JAMES? CUZ BASED ON THE TECH IN THIS BOOK MY MONEY'S ON LIKE NINETY SIX. IDIOTS.

 

 

So then Molly gets a phone call somehow. What's her roaming plan like? Did she put her mom's phone number on her resume? Wait, she's only had this phone and its number for like a week. She would have had to put out applications ages ago! How'd they get her new number? THIS IS A CONSPIRICY OF THE HIGHEST ORDER.

 

So she gets a call and somehow got an internship??? I dont think she can even make coffee??? This all makes no sense.

 

And tehn Maxwell calls her?

 

"Sorry babe no can eat, gotta run uper important business stuff happened so idk maybe cuz i just flew out of the country probably with no notice and no plan in place for anyone to take over my stuff at like the last second idk or something alse. its hard to tell when im not there to sort things out. So I got bodyguard driver personal assistant guy to pick u up from the sirport tomorrow ok bye!!!!" he sadi and then hung up.

 

So she spent $, to fly out to visit her mom, was there for one full day and two partial days, spent the full day and one partial day mostly with Maxwell, the guy she was going on vacation to get some space from. Yes. This seems like a super productive and beneficial visit.

 

Andt hen it had been like five seconds since her last contact with Maxwell so she emails him. The situation remains unresolved and also unexplained. Its prob not real.


	26. Chapter 25 - hold on babes we'er almost home are we out of the woods yet are we out of the woods yet are we out of the woods yet good are we in the clear yet are we in the clear yet are we in the clear yet in the clear yet good

Chapter 25 - hold on babes we'er almost home are we out of the woods yet are we out of the woods yet are we out of the woods yet good are we in the clear yet are we in the clear yet are we in the clear yet in the clear yet good [been too long since I dropped some t - swift up in here so I droppped some t - swift]

So the next day, after it was clear that this trip to 'clear her head' was completely fruitless cuz her mind was an apple tree that died 5 years ago, she hopped on another free first class flight back to [CITY WHERE SHE LIVES OR SOMETHING IDK THEY MOVED?? NOW I DEF DONT KNOW WHERE THEY'RE SUPOSED TO BE] which she was, obviously, either oblivious towards or something else I forgot I should drink my tea I havent had any like caffiene yet today and my tea is here next to me and it has vanilla and sparkles and is further proof that edward cullen > christian grey. Cuz even if they are both useless and varying shades of abusive, at least edward has ke$ha approved superpowers.

Rather than like going back to her own place and you know dropping her stuff off and showering off the plane gunk and changing into her own clean clothes, Molly lets bodyguard driver personal shopper assistant dude take her back to Negaverse Energy Sucker Central [hint, she's the sucker] and Maxwell. Even though he is very busy doing business stuff that is super urgent and businessy. Probably didn't hit the energy quota for the month which is always a tough thing to get but you'd think they'd be used to failure by now or at least would have learned to set lower goals. I mean, getting all the human energy currently existing in the region is basically impossible on a good month, when you are putting ur own heart and soul (and energy) into it, but when ur distracted by a chick who lets you do weird sex stuff to her, well, just forget it. No quotas will be hit in that situation. He really needs to better learn how to balance sex / family / work becasue right now he is just failing hard at all three.

But nope. Instead of dealing with the ongoing urgent business stuff, as soon as he sees Molly, he drops the businessy stuff and just hugs her. Hugs is how u start sex.

 

Cuz for realsies, that's what happens. Where are her bags?? Where did bodyguard slash driver slash personal shopper slash assistant go??? Who cares! They gon bang! He takes her into the bathroom, which is where they had sex las ttime and is really not that interesting or sexy. U have a sex dungeon, why do u sex up the bathroom? But whatever. He just goeas ahead and licks up her sex stuff and shes all ooh yahh right thheerrr or other places idk. Cuz she doesn't know what feels good unless he's telling her she feels good becasue she's only supposed to feel good when he feels good and making him feel good is a priority. So why's he going down on her??? We may never know. So after he finishes the licking thing, it is time for Real Sex TM and so they have real sex on like the floor or something?? Really, this isn't all that sexy. Bathroom floors are kinda gross and not that comfy at all. Like, really, there's no where in a bathroom that would be comfortable to have sex in. There's a lot of hard surfaces, and hard angles, and slippery surfaces, and once ur done giggling about all the hard and slippery of it all, its really not that sexy anymore and u just might as well go watch some sitcom on netflix. Rather than have uncomfortable bathroom sex. But whatever. I'm not rich. I'm sure they can do whatever they want and be comfortable cuz that's how money works.

After they finish sexxing somewhere in the bathroom somehow (like, I'm not even gonna try and write it because I just can't figure the logistics out. Yeah. Its doesn't work. Unless ur hella drunk. Then u can get ur sex on anywhere just fine. But these bros are sober and shouldn't be having random sex. They have beds available. And a sex dungeon.), it is time to shower! Yayyayayay personal hygeine!!

"OH I got a job somehow" molly said as the shower was ongoing.

"What, where?"

"Shh I have secrets too. Look at me. Having secrets. I'm mysterious. And interesting. Suuper mysterious. Suuuper interesting. Secrets. Just like u. Hehehe. I'm good."

"Uhmm I dont believe u but ok. If htat somehow doesnt work out I will pay u to be my live in sex slave or like something more legal than that but still."

"Oh! And Melvin's doing a photo show thing? I dont knw. Its something and ime iinvited so do u wanna go?"

"Yeah sure I need to rub it in that boys face that im bangin u and he aint. The opportunity doesn't come up often enough"

"Yay!"

"Now shut up and let me wash u ur a filthy urchin [which woudl be more kinky than this whole book]"

"K" she said. He withheld himself from both slapping her and sexxing her and instead just slathers her up in yummy smelling bodywash while using one of an assortment of loofahs. Why he has these things, we may never know.

 

"Okay my turn!!" Molly says, then goes to wash him too.

"Hey hey woah woah hey! No. That's not how this works. No touchy. Uhmm so to avoid this happening again or to stop u from dwelling on how weird this may seem - even though it totally isn't! - let's just sex again, ookay? Okay"

So then he sexed her up against the wall and it was super hot and no one slipped and got a concussion or anything at all.

 

Then they ate food or at least Molly probably ate food and Maxwell looked on. Making her eat food.

"So, how's that business sit -"

"No no no shh shut up never mind ur pretty lil head about it. Meet me at the sex dungeon in 15 minutes and we'll do sex stuff instead okay? Doesnt' that sound better? Oh and I bought u a shitton of clothes. Well, my bodyguard driver personal shopper assitant did. I pay him for all those titles so I better get good use out of all of them."

"K" molly said and went to the sex dungoen, all stripped down and sexy to wait for him.

 

"Okay," he said when he arrived, shirtless, because that's the only way to be in a sex dungeon. "So I'm gonna level this up right now. Say safe word if u want or whatever, but like this is gonna get inteense so u know, grade on a curve okay."

"K"

So he put a blindfold on her, blocked her ears off, tied her up to the bed all sexy like. Yes? Yes. Super sexy. Then he poked her with a stick. Super sexy stick. Super sexy poking and touching and stuff. Yes. So nice. Sensations happen.

Then he fucks her yay!


	27. CHAPTER 26 THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL ON MAN HOLD ON WERE GOING HOME 1K 1CHAPTER THEN I WILL BE FREE FROM THIS TORMENT. FREE ONCE MORE TO WRITE NOT THIS. JUST ANYTHING BUT THIS. PLEASE LORD ANYTHING BUT THISSSS

CHAPTER 26 THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL ON MAN HOLD ON WERE GOING HOME 1K 1CHAPTER THEN I WILL BE FREE FROM THIS TORMENT. FREE ONCE MORE TO WRITE NOT THIS. JUST ANYTHING BUT THIS. PLEASE LORD ANYTHING BUT THISSSS

 

So then Molly wakes up to take her drugs [ROES LOVED DRUGSSS] WHICH SHE HAS TO TAKE AT A STUPID TIME BECAUSE SHE GOT THE STUPIDEST KIND LIKE SHE IS NOT SMART ENOUGH FOR THIS - CASE IN POINT, SHE STARTS TAKING IT WHILE IN A DIFFERENT TIMEZONE, AT A TIME THAT IS HELLA INCONVENIENT FOR HER ACTUAL TIMEZONE.

 

 

LIKE WHAT A FREAKING DUMBASS. SHE IS NOT QUALIFIED FOR THIS. OR ANYTHING.

And she goes out and sees Maxwell playing the piano. Aww how sweeet. Execpt he's playing osmething satainic NO WAIT BETTER IDEA HOLD ON A SEC I GOTTA GOOGLE K LIKE THIS? <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QC-sSmS2Zt8> NO I LIED IT'S THIS ONE: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N060bTt2QA> doo doo do doo doodo do do d SO OMINIOUS RIIIGHT??? Yeah so that's what he's playing and stuff. And so they talk.

"K, so I decided that um basically, and this is like super hard for me to say, but uhh - no contract," Maxwell thundered uncertainly.

"Oh my whaaa?" Molly replied.

"Uh yeah, cuz we'er basically doing it wanywa. So. I'm not gonna ultimatum u about the contract, but I still want u to follow basically the whole thing and always do whatever I say or else I get to punish u [but not in the name of the moon cuz ur a dickbag and can't do that hahah]"

"K"

"Bitch u no thats against the rules."

"Oh, so do u wanna punish me now?"

"Hells yeah I do."

"Oh sure then! But u gotta catch me first! A ah ha ha h ah aha h aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha" Molly said, and giggled and ran away.

"Aha ah so funny," Maxwell thundered, and gave chase, "It is like u r a child, but not in a pervy illegal way!"

"Hah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha " Molly giggled as she freakin tore around the kitchen. That's dangerous. There are knives there. She gon die.

"Hah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha indeed!" Maxwell thundered, "But u run as if ur actually scared? Lol"

"Uhm no I am scared tho for serial."

"Wait what? Why my precious lil blueberry?"

"Uhm cuz it sucks? Like, u dont like ppl touching u, I dont like ppl hitting me."

"Whaaaaaaattttttt??? Are u serious?!?!!? I did nto even think that people could dislike gettin beat more than I dislike casual contact from sexual partners. This is insane!!"

"But I let u cuz u like need it or whatever and I like need u to be around me so u can do whatever"

"What for ceral? Oh my god pls never leave pls pls plss" and then he kissed her all over the face area.

"Uh yah. So like punish me or whatevs"

"Waat? U sure???"

"Yah, lets see how bad this can get, and then we both know for cereal whats what, yah?"

 

So then they go to sex dungeon. It is very very dramatic. And sexxy. How will this go down? Wow.

"K so imma hit you six times right in the but. And u gotta do the counting for me cuz if we gonna keep doin this I wanna make sure my girl can count."

So she bent over and he hit her right in the butt with a belt and it hurt and she cried but she said one so he hit her again and she cried again and said two and then three and then four and then five and then six. She forgot what safewords were and u cant realy blame him for not stopping to check on her cuz she was crying because she's like always crying so really no ones to blame for this. But she was crying and then he hugged her cuz yay they could make it through anything now!!

EXCEPT NOT

MOLLY JUMPED UP AND WAS ALL 'BYE BITCH THIS IS HELLA FUCKED. HELLA FUCKED. I KNOW U'VE ALREADY DONE SOME MESSED UP SHIT TO ME BUT THIS IS TOO FAR DAMMIT' and then left and was even whinier about things than usual.

"Sorry" he said.

"Fuck that hitting is bad this is pre-k stuff right here. Never again"

"Oh ok yah ur right im not good for ur perfect lil self I should let u go cuz lord knows you cant just walk away if u wanted to"

"Uhm, but I love u?"

"Fuck that. I'm EVIL for cryin out loud my name isnt even Maxwell Stanton!"

"You say that, but I know you Maxwell Stanton! You make me happy!"

"Nope. Evil."

"I'm gonna uh shower then…" she said, then went to shower and get dressed. She was having a lot of emotions right now and abs wasnt enough of them. This was not good.

When she is ready, Maxwell is businessing in the kitchen or something and so she tosses all the shit he gave her on the counter and is all yah this is happening give me the cash for my crap car so I can go buy another crap car and hes all but bb those were gifts and shes all have u never seen a breakup on tv before everyone gets rid of all the crap that reminds them of the ex and I think that a car and phone and computer that I only ever used to communicate with u pretty much count so and also I didnt want any of this I was totes fine just not communicating with others in my generation so give me my car cash.

He writes a check and then she leaves and she cries and nO ONE CARES BECAAUSE I AM FREE BITCHSE FREE AS A MOTHERFUCKING BIRD ON A MOTHERFUCKING BOAT AHAHAHA I WILL NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS NONSENSE AGAIN FUCK ALL YALL IM OUT DROP A MIC RIGHT HERE CUS THIS IS DONE. YAH. BALLIN.

**Author's Note:**

> R&R LOSERS I HAD TO WRITE THIS SO U GOTTA WRITE ABOUT IT. REC TO ALL UR FRIENDS


End file.
